SRS I have zero confidence, zero initiative, zero faith in myself with women

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ZeeMox, Oct 5, 2006.

  1. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    I could be a little bit more optimistic about life in general, and my mother has been calling me daily to ask if I've been listening to her Anthony Robins tapes every day, but my biggest issue is that I have no confidence at all, no matter what I do with myself.

    I thought I was too fat, so I went to the gym and lost 50 pounds. Years ago, I hated my laugh, so I started laughing more "normally" on purpose and eventually my natural laugh just changed.

    Ok, so brief story time: There's a girl at the salon I usually get my hair cuts at that always worked nails and whatnot. I always thought she was amazing and gorgeous, but all I ever need is a hair cut. Somehow I didn't think walking in and asking for a manicure would be the greatest way to grab her interest. Today I walked in and she was doing hair, which I'd never seen her do before. I sat down and she went to work.

    She was a lot friendlier than all the other hair cutters had been, and... I don't know if "flirtatious" would be as appropriate as "interested and probing." She kept asking strange questions for casual conversation, like my age and what I was doing later, then answering with things like "Oh, we're only a year apart!" and things like that. In all my stupidity, when she asked what I was doing afterwards, I correctly said I had nothing planned, and then stupidly didn't ask the same question back.

    "Maybe she's just going for a tip," I kept thinking, and kept saying that to myself in my head all the way to the register. She was way too gorgeous to actually be hitting on me, but I've also shaped up a lot physically since I was last "on the market."

    Now I'm just supremely depressed. If it went badly, I could have just found a new hair cutter, no big deal. I don't know why I didn't say something, and now I feel stupid and overall miserable over my odds of ever getting anywhere with women. I frequently get these oppertunities, where they open up and I shut down, and I don't know what to do about it.
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Yes you do know what to do about it. Take what feels in the moment like a risk. The regret of not doing something after the fact is soooo much worse than whatever a girl will dish out.

    When u approach a girl ur emotions are just going to be trying to fuck u up. Suppress them like a pebble in ur shoe.

    "what r u doing later?"
    "come have dinner with me at ----." ta da
     
  3. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    That seems so much easier to say than do :hs: The pebble in the shoe thing sounds like a catchy way to think of pain in the ass emotions, though. That might help. I just want to honestly not care about being turned down, but to do that I need to not care about succeeding :squint:
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    that's not true, you can care about succeeding and care about being turned down, without the fear. that's bc what u need to care about most is learning. a rejection or a success, either one is something u can learn from... the only thing u can't learn from is sitting around.

    it has to be a learning process bc u don't want to just get lucky with whoever is catching ur eye this week, u want eventually to be able to comfortably place ur best foot forward on command. take ur head out of the moment, the actual outcome of an encounter is not as important as whether or not u gain experience from that encounter
     
  5. suprer

    suprer New Member

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    when are you turning 21 z. Ill take you downtown and teach you how to live carelessly :cool:
     
  6. Jeff Merr

    Jeff Merr Elite Member

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    next spam is a ban

    Download
    Read
    Profit
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2006
  7. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    what you need to do is go out and. FAIL. FIND EVERY DAMN WOMEN AND FAIL WITH THEM. LEARN TO FAIL. LEARN TO ACCEPT IT. No man is a women god that gets 100% yes. You will get no for the rest of your life. Learn to put it aside and learn if it's needed. The only way to learn is to try and learn. Hell maybe one time one will say yes(odds are in your favor) and bam.
     
  8. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    You're on the right track... going to the gym, getting your hair cut. Hopefully you're really pursuing things that interest you.

    No matter what, though, it all boils down to you taking your lumps and just hitting on women. It's really the best way to learn, because at this point you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Just relax and have some fun next time a girl hits on you, and ALWAYS assume she's interested. Better safe than sorry.
     
  9. AzN Dynomite

    AzN Dynomite New Member

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    :bowdown:

    Fantastic! So much of that stuff about being a "nice guy" is true...it's freakin' scary! A real eye opener to what my a lot of my problems are with women.

    THANK.
    YOU.
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Hey, welcome to the club. I'm a tall and skinny geek. 7-8 years ago I was in your same shoes, basically. Divorced. No social skills. No relationship skills. No women skills. So what did I do? I searched for and read everything I could on women, relationships, dating, etc. I found a lot of bullshit and a lot of gold in between.

    The reason why you have zero faith in women is the same reason you have zero faith that you could hop into a 747 and fly the thing - you never learned how! Anyone can learn, though, with enough studying, practice, and making mistakes.

    Here is my personal collection of dating advice links I have used over the years:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=435

    I personally REALLY like the Doc Love stuff (two links, read the "review" first, then the askmen.com stuff.) Understand that you have to get out there, start asking questions, start trying, make LOTS of mistakes ***AND*** learn from them, then you will get better and better.

    Took me a few years to get to where I am now, but I have 100% confidence with women, if not more! And if I can do it ... you can too. :bigthumb:
     

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