SRS I have trouble keeping secrets...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BwanaKuu, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm having a lot of problems because I just can't seem to keep secrets. I'm friends with quite a few people at my college, but I feel like I'm so nice that if they ask me something, I always spill the beans. Now some are saying they can't trust me anymore and don't want to be friends. I've always been like this and I just don't know how to fucking stop. I seem to always not think before I speak and in turn this leads to me giving up secrets.
     
  2. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2003
    Messages:
    2,774
    Likes Received:
    0
    it seems like you're one of those really open types, you know, the type that has no problem telling their life story to someone. if that's the case then you really don't give yourself time to pause because you sort of just blather on since you're open and have nothing to hide. that quality is what may be preventing you from keeping other people's secrets a secret.

    learn to separate your life from that of others. if people ask you about yourself, say all you want. however, if people ask you about others, recognize that it's not your place to talk about them. really, you just have to think before you speak.

    i don't see why these people are making the leap from you telling secrets to them not wanting to be your friend though. i mean, i sort of get it if they can't trust you. however, i know people who i can't tell my secrets to and those that i can. just because i can't/won't tell you my secrets doesn't mean we can't be friends.

    some of it is also personal responsibility. if you commit yourself to keeping a secret, then that comes first. it doesn't matter if people will think poorly of you, you have to stand by your commitments. think before you speak and prove that you're trustworthy and this will no longer be an issue for you.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Well basically be upfront with people and say sorry but you can't keep secrets.
     
  4. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, the most recent incident wasn't even that big of a deal. Some people asked me something about who was doing something to them and I told them. It wasn't a big deal at all, but the people who were doing the stuff got really pissed at me. It was just a stupid thing they were doing too that wasn't funny at all (it was a continued prank and while I'm all for the occasional prank, I know this was getting on the nerves of the people they were doing it too). The biggest problem is that one of them is my roommate which just makes things horrible. He got really pissed and said he felt like he could no longer trust me. We talked about it and things have settled but I feel like if anything else ever happens there's gonna be a very big problem.

    I tend to keep big secrets locked up, especially relationship issues. Sometimes things do just slip out. I think another problem is I am one of the worst liars in the world. People know when I'm lying.
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,942
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    I had the same problem. I was terrible with keeping secrets. When I was on a group tour I spilled the beans about who was sleeping with who...I don't know why but everyone felt comfortable telling me their stories...and that eventually got me alienated by everyone when the "power couple" got pissed. What sucked was even the people who were asking me about what I knew looked at me like "oh, they were all right about him after all". That made me realize that if people were going to turn on me and especially spill it all about how I was the one that told them, then it wasn't worth giving up the info.

    People still entrust me with many secrets but now I am much better about holding out. Most of the time people don't need to know these things. I was able to keep it from my uncle that my dad visited where my uncle was vacationing. I don't know why my parents didn't want him to know but I kept my mouth shut. However, it was my mom who spilled the beans and made ME look bad. :ugh: And I've kept it a secret that we were thinking about moving to Maryland, which is now not going to happen because a relationship between future coworkers (myself included) didn't blossom. :rolleyes: Now once in awhile I'll find myself playing mediator between two people who are not speaking to each other, and I'll have to let each of them in on the others point of view on things, but that's about it. So it's mostly that I was able to see how I was devaluing myself by telling people everything that I knew and now when I keep my mouth shut it makes me have higher value. Just something to think about.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    If people want to keep something hidden, they shouldn't spread it around in the first place.

    You're an adult, act like one, you don't need to keep people's secrets. Either ask "why are you telling me then?" or say "That's none of my business".
     
  7. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    I actually did this today with one of my closer friends up here. I'm becoming incredibly conscience of this now and when he started to say something he wanted to keep between just me and him, I just told him not to tell me. I don't really like doing it, but I guess I'll have to since I have this problem. I feel like our relationship isn't really on the same level then.
     
  8. NiggaPHX420

    NiggaPHX420 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2002
    Messages:
    18,079
    Likes Received:
    476
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Most people purposely tell secrets to others because they need approval and validation. They think that other people will then value and respect them, and come to them furthermore for additional information down the road.

    I used to be a blabber.
     
  9. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2006
    Messages:
    8,533
    Likes Received:
    0
    It's funny....
    cause you openly admit that you have trouble with this. I won't fault you for this, it takes a pretty good character to say, 'hey I have my faults, here is one!'.

    But, I would imagine that someone that was your friend, someone that knew you well enough would be aware of this. They would be aware enough of it to know not to trust you with certain information.

    This leads me to believe that the people that are telling you these things really don't know you well at all.

    So why are they sharing personal information like this with someone they don't know that well?
    Dig.
    It is partly there fault for sharing sensitive information with someone they really don't know.

    But in the end you are right. Part of having a friendship is being able to share information that no one else should know. You should work on this.
     
  10. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've got a lot of faults, but I'm at least trying to work on them. The people who got upset at me have only known me for 2 months.

    It's not that I can't keep secrets at all, I've kept many a major secret with my friends. Hell, my best friend right now has a lot of issues that he talks about with me that I NEVER mention to anyone. If it is something major and important, I usually never say anything. But I mentioned one little thing a few days ago and it created this big issue and two people seem to have lost their trust in me over this incident. I really don't care that they have since I don't like them that much anyway, but one is my roommate which makes it hard to deal with. We are supposedly ok now, but I've just been trying to stay away from him as much as possible. I basically just sleep/change in my dorm room now lol. I'm either in the library, exercising, or hanging out with people most of the time now.

    I will keep trying to not let out so many secrets, but I think this whole thing might have just been blown out of proportions. Thanks for all the advice though, hopefully I won't make as many mistakes later.
     

Share This Page