when an incident occurs where someone verbally/physically threatens me, i consciously remain calm and really hold back from resorting to violence. i'll often times avoid eye contact and not say a word (even if i feel i'm not at fault) just to avoid furthering the confrontation. however, afterward when i'm out of the situation, i feel so angry inside and start brainstorming evil shit to inflict on the person... for example, last thursday i was at a friend's apartment playing some hold em (poker). it was a low stakes game with about 7 people, and i was going heads up with one guy. after all the rounds of betting, we had to reveal our hands. the guy flipped his cards over to show his hand, and i had my cards in my hand, dropped one card (directly down, i didn't throw it towards the deck) and at the same time flipped over my other card that was in my hand, which revealed the winning hand; he didn't have any more chips. he sat back and didn't say a word. after i collected the pot and the new hands were dealt to everyone, he stopped play and said my previous hand didn't count because i mucked my hand after he revealed his cards. everyone at the table reacted with and told him to forget about it. he seemed pretty upset at this point and asked me, "did you not muck your hand?" and i replied "i don't remember." he was evidently angry now and said, "that's fucking bullshit, if we were at the casino your action would have represented a muck." some players tried to calm him down by telling him it's just for fun, it's not even about the money. so he opened the chip case and took his 5 bucks back. everyone was silent at this point, and the guy asked me again, "so you're telling me you didn't muck your hand when you threw your cards down?" and i responded again with "i don't remember." he began complaining because we weren't "playing by the rules" when there was money involved. then he said, "it's not even about the money, it's about the moral of the game." i said, "if it's not about the money, put your buy-in back into the pile." he kicked the table, everyone's chip stacks scattered, and he went ape shit. his friend next to him held him back while the guy said, "say something stupid again mother fucker, i will fucking slap you mother fucker." like i said at the beginning of this post, i avoided eye contact and just kept quiet while everyone was telling him to shut up (i never met this guy before that night btw). since it was early in the tournament, we all just took our 5 bucks back and some of the guys left including me. now this is why i'm posting here for advice and to see if anyone experiences the same lack of control of their desire to "retaliate." as soon as i left the apartment complex and got into my car, i was still calm. but as i started driving home, i started to feel angry and more agitated about what had happened. this is where the twistedness of my mind comes in... i start imagining myself stalking him and pulling a knife to his neck or a gun to his face. i hate to say it, but i feel satisfied when i think of this, yet i'm still thinking in the back of my head "" i start thinking about more things such as syphoning his gas or hoping he gets arrested for something (the list goes on with the most random things i can think of that will make the person feel miserable). i get bugged by the situation that i stress about it and at the same time i know my thoughts are completely irrational, which is part of the reason why i could never see myself follow through. i don't know what the source of these feelings come from... would anger management help? i've never reacted with anger on the spot or resorted to any type of violence. what can i do to help control my post-event thoughts? after going over my story, i feel like i have more of an issue than "anger management" ... am i just some twisted in the head with some loose wires? i don't know. sorry for the lengthiness.