SRS I have serious forgiveness issues

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ZeeMox, Nov 23, 2005.

  1. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    Forgiving and forgetting just doesn't seem to be my forte, but it's effecting a lot in my life. I have this hate stored up for people that I just want to let go of. I don't particularly want to hurt anyone... sometimes the thought of bashing the shit out of someone's face is comforting, but I'm pretty sure actually doing it wouldn't feel all that great. I know I need to grow the fuck up and forget about past shit already, but I just don't even know where to start. Anybody else had this problem?
     
  2. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I hear ya. It's hard to let go, especially if someone has bashed your soul.
     
  3. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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  4. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    i have this theory that the words sorry and forgive should be stricken from the language.

    sorry - if you are really sorry about what you did you wouldnt have dont it in the first place

    forgive - why, it wont take it back.

    i say never forgive, never forget, remember everything, learn from it, move on.

    dont know if that will help, but people are going to do what they are going to do, so the best way to deal with things, is remembering what happened in the past and use that as like research and development of your own life.
     
  5. coma

    coma New Member

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    Forgiving somebody is the hardest thing in the world to do. I hadn't seen or spoken to my father for over 10 years, but a year ago he had a stroke. I didn't care if he lived or died and didn't visit him in the hospital until a few days into it. I thought I had punished him enough (by my total ignoring of him all those years) so I went to see him and a day later I forgave him -- something that was unimagineable that I would ever do (still can't believe I did it...). The reason that I did it was because I didn't want him to die with a black cloud of hate (that I created and controled) over him. It was the most powerful experience of my life. The crazy thing is that even though he's still scum (that's the "never forget" part of the process I suppose), I don't regret doing it. He's in long term care now and I see him occasionally, but due to his condition he can barely communicate. When he dies I won't be wracked with guilt for not reconciling with him, so that's another benefit or reason to forgive somebody. Can't really give you specific advice because when or if is an indvidual thing. I am a big believer in timing, and the time for me was right.
     
  6. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Worst advice ever. No offense, forgivness means that you have moved on, if you never forgive someone you have never offically moved on
     
  7. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    ive moved on from a lot of things without giving the other person the satisfaction of my forgivness
     
  8. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Yea I can tell from your Avatar :hsugh:
     
  9. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    thats a joke for a webpage im doing for a friend :wavey:
     
  10. coma

    coma New Member

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    Forgiveness is for your own benefit though; it's not a matter of giving the other person satisfaction. I doubt that you can truly move on without it.
     
  11. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    I used to have a hard time forgiving people, a nice little trait I inherited from my dad, as he was still grudging about things 20-30 years prior up until his dying day. I have come to learn that dwelling on matters of the past only ends up hurting you more than the person you have ills with, so why continue hurting yourself? Rather than dwell on grudges you can use those situations as life lessons on what not to do, or what kind of people to not get involved with. Dwelling on past ills too much will also turn you into one of those old bitter people who sit on the porch bitching about everything/everyone that is wrong and waste all that time that could have been spent doing positive or productive things.
     
  12. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    I guess the problem for me is that some of the people I need to forgive are very close to me, and some of them I've never even remotely liked. The ones I never cared about at all are the hardest ones to get past.
     
  13. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    I've never argued with these words. It's just easier said than done for me.
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Forgiveness is a souls strongest trait, to forgive others but mainly to forgive ourselves.

    Forgiveness has such tremendous healing powers and capabilities and when exercised properly is, in and of itself, a truly wonderful experience. All of the oppressive negative energies that we sometimes accumulate and store away because of our own life's experiences tends to drag us down. Also, replenishment and recovery is as easy as not only saying, "I forgive," but you must also feel it deep within the reflection of your soul as well. Usually, unbeknown to ourselves as we forgive and release all of the negative energy that we have invested in these emotionally challenging situations the healing process begins to work its magic the moment we make the choice. Granted, it may be a difficult task to forgive someone, or even one's own self for that matter because of all the emotional pain that may be involved.

    Taking this into consideration I strongly suggest that you look deep within and summon the Love inside of you, and do your best to make it happen. You may want to remember one thing though: we live in a reciprocal world. And consequently, due to that fact, in certain situations involving reciprocal differences forgiving someone else doesn't necessarily mean that they, in turn, will be willing to forgive you. Ultimately, that is a choice that they and
    they alone will have to make. You and only you have the power to choose to forgive -- no one else can do it for you -- and it only works when you choose to use it. And so, by affording yourself this unique -- design of the Great Divine favor -- it will help alleviate a lot of energy depleting emotional pain, and thus help make your life in the moment more fulfilling. And furthermore, in the scheme of things, as your present physical life draws to a conclusion, by ridding yourself of as much oppressive negative energy that you possibly can, it will help make your journey home a much less complicated.
     
  15. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    not sitting and dwelling in the past, wondering about what-if's and could-be's means youve moved on. if you want to call the forgiveness then call it that. to me "forgive" is too closely related to "absolve". when you absolve someone (like god does when you goto confession...) to me thats like saying "what you did was ok, and all you have to do is say your sorry and ill forgive(absolve) you". no. what you did was not ok, so you recieve no absolution from me. BUT what i have for myself is another little bit of information in my brain about people and mabey i can steer clear of that situation later in life if it comes up again.

    thats moving on. getting out of the situation and learning from it is moving on. dwelling on it, means your dwelling on it.
     
  16. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    That was a really good reply. Would you happen to have any books/sources of any kind that would assist in reaching this kind of goal?
     
  17. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    To not forgive the person is to allow them to be a living, breathing remnant of the problem that won't go away (unless you, you know, kill them). You can't completely move on unless you've eliminated all chances of the problem returning. I don't want to just learn how to forget, because then I can be reminded. I want to learn how to forgive, too.

    You don't have to hug them and say "It's okay." You can forgive them, but cease to entrust your feelings to that person and move on from them. But forgiving them is a must for your own absolution, which I have not reached. Hence this thread.
     
  18. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    Learn to forgive but not forget, it will make you better person in the long run. I know, it has worked for me.
     

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