SRS I have nothing to talk about with other people

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mandrew, Sep 21, 2008.

  1. mandrew

    mandrew New Member

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    When I'm in class, I talk to my classmates about school and whatever it is we're studying. When I'm at work, I shoot the shit all day with my coworkers. With family, I can talk politics or pop culture or whatever.


    The problem is, when I hang out with friends I never have anything to say. There's a couple people who I can hold a conversation with for more than a few minutes because we share the same sense of humor and interests, but for the most part I find myself creating "awkward silences" when going out with girls or even hanging out with old friends. I just have nothing to say to them most of the time and if start asking questions to begin a conversation, I feel like it's fake and I don't enjoy it. I've met several girls and stuff at parties where I did the fake convo and people are receptive to it, but then when I hang out with them outside of our first meeting I just have blank feelings toward them.


    Am I just destined to be socially secluded to certain groups or what? I've been told that I should relax more, but when I'm in those awkward silences I feel pretty comfortable, I just have no motivation to talk about anything. :dunno:



    edit: I should add that throughout my developing years (14-21) I basically got drunk or high every single weekend and even though I made a lot of friends and went to parties and bars and hooked up, it was always with the "aid" of some kind of chemical. I know most substance use during developmental years can affect the growth of the part of our brains that affects social skills... Am I potentially screwed because of this? I stopped smoking weed when I was 18 and I stopped drinking five months ago.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2008
  2. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    I know what you mean. Sometimes it gets like that with my old friends.

    With new people, it really depends on the state of mind I am in at the time and of course theirs. If I get blank looks or fake smiles, its pretty damn hard to keep the convo going and forcing it feels really uncomfortable.

    I feel like there needs to be just a bit of tension between people. Not enough to where you are nervous, but just enough to where you don't wanna look stupid infront of the other person and want their appreciation and attention. If someone is dull, or they think I am dull, there is no way for smooth, fun conversation to flow. I just realized one of my friends is an absolute fun sponge because of his low energy level. Conversation is impossible because nothing anyone says really garners his interest.

    People that I do activities with, not just hang out and shoot the shit with, are usually easiest to talk to. People on your sports team or whatever other club or work are easier to talk to because you have bonded through your cooperation in trying to achieve some goal.
     
  3. mandrew

    mandrew New Member

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    That is a great analysis. Thanks! I know it wasn't your main point but the achievement/bonding concept really makes sense and I might try to apply that.

    I agree with the tension thing too. The only time conversation is really good despite my not caring is when I'm nervous, like a first date or something... After that it's over though :o and as you can imagine my sex life is suffering as a consequence. I'm gonna kick it with this chick on wednesday at school and she wants me to teach her to play pool... I'm sure that will create a bonding situation where the conversation really flows.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    The problem is your spending time with people who aren't on the same frequency as you are, you'd get a lot more response from people who are into the same things as you are, although you always have to make an investment of energy in order to get some response, you'll enjoy conversations more with people who are into the same thing as you are.
     
  5. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    The next time you find yourself in the middle of an "awkward silence", try to remember that the other person isn't saying anything either. It's not ENTIRELY your job to keep the conversation rolling. The other person bears some responsibility for awkward silences as well.
     

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