SRS i have no "support system"...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dubrocker, Jan 22, 2007.

  1. dubrocker

    dubrocker sho nuff

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    when i was a kid, my parents never let me express my emotions. if i was happy i was told to calm down. if i was angry, same thing. during the summer i was locked out of my house and only let in for lunch. straight A's in school, gifted and talented program till graduation. i gave up on school in 7th grade. failed 2 classes in 10th on purpose. went to summer school to make up the classes. senior year failed on purpose again. enrolled in a 5th year for one class a day. parents never said a word to me about it.

    finished school and joined the military to get the fuck away from my history and the drugs my friends were in to. dealt with slutty girlfriends for a while. my truck broke down, grandmother died, best friend died all within a year. i didn't make it to the funerals. still have issues with that.

    got my heart broken, met a new girl and married in 6 months. pregnant in 2 weeks after getting married, seperated for 3 months during pregnancy, kid was born the day we got back together.

    military sent me overseas alone for a year when my kid was 6 months old. 3 weeks before getting home, my wife tells me she wants a divorce. i get home, pack all of our shit in a u-haul, and drive us cross country. got seperate places to live, and started living like i was divorced. met a girl, fell in love.

    took me a year to get divorced. got custody of my son, and moved in with my girlfriend. ex-wife constantly trying to mind fuck me into guilt etc. gf starts with marriage talk. i'm not ready and can't explain it to her. our relationship was either amazing or horrible. no in between.

    2 years being together the fights are too much for me. one morning we get into an argument and i tell her i can't do this anymore. she flips out. calls the police and says i'm beating her etc. i get arrested friday night. i get a restraining order that tells me i can't go near her. wednesday i find out she's killed herself. ex-wife finds out, files for emergency temp custody of our kid and gets it.

    96 days later i go to court and get custody back. meanwhile i move to another house. the old landlord is sticking to his legal guns and demanding i pay the rest of the lease off... ~$4k.

    the military is making me go through a batterer's intervention program. once a week for 6 months. my dad tells me to stfu and get over it. my mom is a raging alcoholic that thinks answers are found at the bottom of a bottle.

    i have a really hard time sleeping and always have a headache. i'm in counseling but i don't feel like i'm gaining anything from it. i was on anti-depressants but i can't handle them.

    someone please give me some advice other than "stay strong" or "keep your head up" or "it could be worse"...

    sorry for the scattered thoughts. i'll edit or add a post if anyone cares.
     
  2. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    :dunno: Sounds to me like you need to stop dwelling on the shitty hand you got dealt, and work on improving your life

    If you dont have a support system, make one
     
  3. dubrocker

    dubrocker sho nuff

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    and how would you suggest going about this?
     
  4. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    seems like you just need to do you

    I would take time off from dealing with females, and just focus on providing a life for you and your son.

    maybe some professional help will guide you down the right path on finding a support system. Maybe they can recommend some sort of group that is in the same boat as you.

    why can't you handle the anti-depressants? do they make you sick or you just don't like taking medication?

    i think some people need the medication to stay "sane" in their eyes and lead a balanced life.
     
  5. dubrocker

    dubrocker sho nuff

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    i can't handle the anti-depressants because of the side effects. if i missed a pill i felt like my head was in a vice. if i took them on time i felt high as a kite. tried 2 or 3 different pills.

    what bothers me the most are the constant headaches and the sleeplessness. i lie awake at night while my thoughts race from topic to topic and i eventually pass out. it is starting to take away from the quality of time i spend with my son.

    taking time off from females was very easy initially. now i feel so lonely that i'm not sure what to do.
     
  6. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    By building your own nest

    you have a son, you have a job, you have compatriots who (i assume) care about you. Drop the people and things in your life which are holding you back, and instead, invest your time and energy into those who reciprocate
     
  7. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    ask your doctor for a different medication or change the dosage or something

    i don't know what else to say really :(
    I do hope everything works out for you somehow. the loneliness thing is just something you'll have to deal with until you can get your thoughts together. you don't want to bring someone else into your world where you or she may get hurt
     
  8. dubrocker

    dubrocker sho nuff

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    i honestly don't have any friends. when i meet someone, we get along great at first. then i usually become irritated with them or vice versa and i just stop talking to them. both male and female.

    i guess i should have made a thread asking how to make friends lol

    i've made it this far without anti-depressants, i am certain i can continue
     
  9. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    thats symptomatic of your issue, that being, you're used to focusing on the negative.

    No one likes being around someone who only brings up negative things (talking about how stupid someone was, about how you got screwed over, etc)
     
  10. dubrocker

    dubrocker sho nuff

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    what usually turns people off is my being realistic. when someone tries to cheer me up with some fantasy oriented "i hope" junk, i instantly push them away. i like to deal with life systematically and realistically. being stuck in this rut of trying to get over the gf's suicide is really putting a damper on the rest of my life. i'm not sure how to set it aside to deal with other things.
     
  11. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    there's a huge difference between being realistic, and being negative

    and, as an aside, 'hope' is what gives people the strength to get through the hard times
     
  12. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    If you aren't gaining anything from it then go see a different counselor. Same with the meds. Don't give up just because a couple of them didn't work, it can take time to find the right doctor and the right meds.
     
  13. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Well that explains why you don't have any friends. They try to be nice and cheer you up and you just push them away? :ugh: What do you expect them to say to you when you're down? "Yes your life sucks and you should just end it now" No, they are your friends and they are trying to help you. Then may not know what the best thing to say is or how to help you but at least they are trying.
     
  14. kgeorge

    kgeorge New Member

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    WTF why are you advocating getting anti depressants... For a lot of people they are known to make stuff worse. Seriously many are known to be addicting and cause for suicidal tendancies in the wrong person.
     
  15. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    i'm not advocating anything

    he was already prescribed medication

    medication is medication for a reason...it works for some


    true it's known to make some worse, but you'll never know if you don't try. some people don't want to live a life of gloom/depression :rolleyes:
     
  16. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    in this case, his problem is less medication and more that he focuses on the negative
     
  17. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You seem to judge these people that are in your life as harshly as your parents judged you growing up.

    I read your initial post and I gotta say, there's a lot going on there. IMO you need help in dealing with all this stuff. Wounds inflicted by uncaring and unlovnig parents can be extremely difficult to deal with because the very people that are supposed to help you and teach you how to grow up are in fact the enemy.

    A significant others suicide is also very difficult to process. My older bro committed suicide and I'm very familiar with the emotions involved. They are fucked up to say the least.

    I would suggest seeing a psychiarist. It may take some time for you to find one you can work with but you need to keep looking. I would suggest staying with a male, perhaps an older man and perhaps even someone that's had a long practice.

    Man I've been helped so much by good therapists that I can't say enough good things about them.

    I hope you find some assistance soon. Until then, please keep posting here. Take care.
     
  18. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Because the guy needs some serious help. He had a fucked up childhood and he dates complete nutcases. He's got some serious issues that need to be dealt with and meds may help him.
     
  19. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    i wouldn't know

    i'm only giving my opinion, i'm not a therapist
     
  20. dubrocker

    dubrocker sho nuff

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    i readily admit i have a need. i've been through anger management and took a great deal from it. i've also been through a communication class geared towards couples which also taught me alot.

    i have been running. i've been ignoring and looking past whatever the root problem is. i know the text book answers to my problems and i'm able to turn conversation away from my problem(s) even with a counselor. truth be known, i have a hard time admitting anything wrong.

    staying busy is very difficult for me. anything that takes more than 20 minutes doesn't get finished. i sit at the computer and waste an entire day and don't even think twice about it. i am waiting for that pivotal moment in my life where i realize i need to get off my ass and do something... but i know it will only come if i make it.

    i honestly don't know how to NOT procrastnate.
     
  21. tshizzle

    tshizzle :cleveland:

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    thats what happens when you join the military = ruins your life
     
  22. dubrocker

    dubrocker sho nuff

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    i do judge very quickly and harshly. that's something i haven't thought about.

    i realize my parents haven't done the best job. i feel completely independant of them and treat them more as friends than parents. i guess that doesn't say much when it comes to how i treat my friends.
     
  23. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    If anything, military gives him some much needed structure in his life
     
  24. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You do see the contradiction in this part don't you??
    IMO this is due to what Anthony Robbins teaches, that humans are have 2 basic motivations for their behavior. We are either trying to gain pleasure or avoid pain.

    We tend to procrastinate because we associate pain with doing the activity and pleasure with not doing it. HOwever, at some point it usually flips and we see soo much pain from NOT doing then just doing it. At that point we stop procrastinating and get er done.

    His whole program is about getting us to that point faster, so we stop procrastinating. He's got some very helpful techniques so perhaps you'd benefit from reading his books.
     
  25. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Do you do this so they won't judge you quickly and harshly??

    You're obviously a smart guy and your ability to reason can be a hinderance in you finding help. Smart people have come to rely on their minds and they trust the conclusions they reach because they have proved many times that they are able to reason properly.

    This can be a huge hinderance when the persons reasoning in flawed in a particular area. That person is often incapeable of seeing or unwilling to admit how their reasoning is flawed.

    It's hard to help a person like that.
     

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