SRS I have no one in my life.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DittoAlex, Jun 4, 2006.

  1. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    I woke up in jail and I realized that, even if I knew any phone numbers to call, I had nobody who I was close enough to warrant calling them and asking them to come bail me out.

    I rarely talk to my parents since I've moved out because they're rather bitter people and that has really brushed off on my personality.

    I have plenty of acquaintainces but... not even my roommates I'm that close to. They all live within 20 minutes of here and since we won't be living together in the summer they already said we likely won't be hanging out, so I'll be all alone in the summer.

    I'm thinking of going to some religious meetings or something just to meet some quality, 'clingy' people who I can have as friends and rely on :hs:
     
  2. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    Clingy isn't quality.

    Why is it that you don't have anyone? Just not social, or bad at up-keeping your relationships until they get to a valuable point?
     
  3. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    I don't seem to value any of the relationships/connections I make to further them far enough.
     
  4. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    I mean, if I would have called anyone to bail me out it would have been like ":ugh2: Why is Alex calling me?" not ":noes: :wtcd: Alex"
     
  5. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Sounds like you are the clingy one here. Needing someone to cling onto. Thats not good.
     
  6. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    I don't have anyone who I regularly talk to more than once a week or so.
     
  7. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Well thats what I mean, you are looking for someone you can talk to regularly, to "rely on". Why can't you rely on yourself?

    People don't want to have you as a friend solely to take on your problems with you. Be the person others can rely on.
     
  8. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    So what is it you're looking for, then? If it's not one of the relationships you already have (since you don't value them enough), then you simply have an unattainable ideal? Is it that your standards are too high?
     
  9. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    Maybe my standards are too high. I hang out with someone once every two or three weeks. It's like everyone in my life is just a guest dropping by :(
     
  10. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    someone made a thread about losing you the other night. obviously that person cares :dunno:
     
  11. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    Yeah, he's a cool guy, but I hang out with him once every few weeks/months and I won't see him from june until late september. :hsughno:
     
  12. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    Real friends are few and far between.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I think your low self-esteem causes you to be too demanding and unrealistic of what 'friends' are and what they provide. You also choose to mask this and misrepresent this to yourself as that "your personal standards are too high."

    Well, having personal integrity and high personal standards are excellent traits.

    However, having unrealistic expectations of other people is not "having high standards" -- its simply driving people away with they get too close for comfort. This is totally not the same as having integrity, morality, courage and generosity.

    Come on, stop the self-abuse. The root of this is the basic dislike of self...you. If you can address that and become more...likeable...people will start to like you.

    That's not a riddle. So how do you become more likeable? Start ridding yourself of habits you don't find appealing in yourself.

    Angry loners don't typically attract friends, because no one wants to be around that. And that anger is typically self-directed.

    Anger over your (low) station in life, anger over your (lack of) achievements thus far, anger that you have no girlfriend, etc.
    Start with that.

    How about this dude that seems upset because you dropped him.
    In order to have good friends, one must first BE a good friend. Try that on, see how it goes.
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You have to step towards the people if you want to meet someone, you know actually.

    When you are all alone for an extended time you will understand the importance of having someone in your life. I can't recall if you had made a thread why you ended up in jail to begin with.

    There are a LOT of behind lying causes to why you are getting into troubles. My advice , keep out of trouble and keep talking to us on how to deal with your situations and issues. I do think that you need your own definition and path to take in life, but a second opinion on the situation wouldn't be bad (now and in future)

    Im also extremely worried about the way things go, i can imagine you having a hard time but it all stems also from your childhood in which your parents where too negative in order for you to give any positive swing to your life, this is what your life needs, a loving character giving your life a positive swing into the future. If you where to go into any religion i suggest buddism although that may not be eventually what you seek it will hopefully bring peace and balance back into your life.
     
  15. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    This is perhaps the simplest and most helpful answer I've received so far :hs:
     
  16. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    Low self-esteem? Think opposite.

    It's just that if I find the slightest annoyance in an acquaintaince I usually would rather not put up with them, and drop them in favor of a replacement. I'm just looking for perfection in others, which I will not find.

    This results in me spending time with a different person each day I go out to do something (3 or 4 days a week.) I don't develop any close relationships with them.

    I'm a pretty likeable guy and easy to get along with. I wouldn't call myself a loner. I am far more social - (excessively, in the eyes of) than, per example, my "honors students" roommates who don't go out and party.

    I've achieved enough satisfaction in my life. I have a plethora of hobbies, many skillful. I have strong business relationships and networks that I can rely on if needed.

    I don't know why you'd categorize me as a loner. I'm the individual that plays social butterfly at nightlife events - shallow hellos and goodbyes, drink buying, and networking and planning for mutual benefit. I have 300+ phone numbers in my phone, 90% of which I never use as contacts once I get them. I feel some weird security and haven't bothered to delete them yet - I really want to.

    I absolutely do not want a relationship. I'm annoyed that the only girls that hit on me are total sluts just looking to get laid - but what else can I expect to find in the avenues I pursue.

    I substance excessively. Too many times I've woken up in a strange place, not remembering names and then stumbled home in a stupor, passed out, and woke up to not even remember the faces I befriended that night. I don't contact any such new phone numbers.

    Everything feels so cheap. I feel so used. I want more out of life than this hedonistic art -- that's what I'm trying to convey. I guess I should start by drastically reducing the people I am involved with first.
     
  17. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    I ended up in jail because of underage drinking. The past 20-30 times I've drank I've blacked out. The past 6 months of my life have no timeline. I really need to get my act together. The one person who has met my standards in the past year I tried to date but ended up pushing her away because due to said annoyance I degraded her to only contacting her when I was messed up... or when she was messed up... or when we both were... obviously, rather strange situationals arose.

    I've distanced myself enough from my parents to ensure they will no longer pose a problem.

    I'm not planning on seeking a religion by any means - it's just that religious people tend to make reliable, non-backstabbing companions. Those accepting and open-minded enough should not have a problem befriending such a heathen as I...
     
  18. Bear Klaw

    Bear Klaw Guest

    i am the same way, too many people my age are so cocky, and think they are so mature. I feel as if people my age i know still have yet to grow up, and i can't take anyone seriously because they always let me down. It doesnt bother me because i have my whole life ahead of me to meet people and make real friends. I am 23 btw, I find it hard to matain friends, people are too worried about self interest to put effort into mantaining a friendship (collective of people). Power in numbers is a fact of thought.
     
  19. Bear Klaw

    Bear Klaw Guest

    I am a isloationist. I perfer being isolated. In fact, I am most content when I spend tons of time alone. I have plenty of social "offers", but my desision of not engaging into it comes into play. I don't approve of putting effort into something, I know in the end, will fall apart. Too many people I know, don't really know themselves yet. At 23, I have tons of responsabilites that people my age have yet to encounter. Most are spoiled, some so bad they get hostile at any mention of a "lower" life. As the comparision instaults the hand that feeds.
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Actually the behaviour you describe is classic and quite characteristic of what I mentioned. But if you don't think so, that's fine.

    Real friends are uncommon, but they are out there. But you have to be one of these Real Friends in order to get some. You cut people out so fast, you will never develop such a friendship.
     
  21. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    You won't find it.

    I think this is the real problem you have regarding friends. I'm sure that among the people that you dropped in favour of replacements there were some genuinely good friends but since you don't put up with anything that bothers you, you've dropped them as well.

    Nobody sees you as perfect either and I'm sure you do more than your fair share of stupid shit to piss others off. Real friends though will put up with each other's imperfections because they know that their friendship is worth much more than some stupid argument or disagreement.

    :hsd:
     
  22. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    In keeping with what Johan said, it sounds like your standards for other people are so high because your own needs are so great that only "perfect people" could fulfill them. Everybody gets pissed off by stupid crap that other people do, but if you can at least look at yourself and say "at least I'm doing it right", then other people's stupid crap becomes largely unimportant. So...can you look at yourself and admire the way you live your life? If so, great. If not, start living an admirable life even if you don't think you deserve one unless someone else tells you so. In reality, nobody else cares that much about you either way, so you might as well do what you need to do to be happy. Everybody else will just grumble and make room for you. That's how life works.
     
  23. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    alex I remember pictures of you vomitting in someones car and I dont even fucking know you. I live in newfoundland canada for christs sake. Do you even know where that is.

    Do not rely on that damn poison. It ruins good men, Ive seen it. You have ambition, use it.

    You have time, use it.

    You have brains, use it.

    Yes, attend places and meet new people. You have no other options, do ya bud.
     
  24. DittoAlex

    DittoAlex New Member

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    I'm chilling out for a while, trying to settle down and get my act together.

    I think I need a girlfriend for the kind of attention and companionship I want - did I mention that reliability is the KEY factor that I look for in people? Young adults my age are immature - they'll stand you up, switch plans around, lie, etc... That's when and why I drop them. If someone isn't reliable and if I don't feel I can count on them... :sadwavey:

    Regarding the girlfriend bit - I fear commitment and have never had a girlfriend. Mainly I abstained until now because highschool chicks = immature + drama -- I avoid drama at ALL costs. Plus, relationships cost money and that is something I do not have by any means.

    I don't sleep around because I'm trying to uphold some silly lil' victorian-era, chivalric model but flirting is very fun -- and I do not have any tolerance for cheating on one's SO (again that relates to the reliability bit) -- but I guess I need to grow up and smell the roses... or something :hs:
     
  25. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    I share your exact feelings on reliability, but I would say you ought to have friends that you can rely on, not so you can constantly rely on them. Obviously, social withdrawal is a basic human issue, so just go find some friends. I would warn you not to fill a hole with a girlfriend, though (ba-dum).

    If you don't get along with people your age, find ones that are older.
     

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