I have an overwhelming urge to contact my Ex to apologise...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by RockDaBoat, Jan 7, 2009.

  1. RockDaBoat

    RockDaBoat New Member

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    Basically, last week I got a text message from an Ex who, 6 months previous, had blown me out. She apologised profusely and said I didn't deserve what she did to me. I accepted it, I was never bothered by what happened... It was very new relationship and I hadn't grown terribly attached to her.

    Anyway! Last night I was reading through my emails and I came across some to an old ex (more than a year ago) and it got me really thinking.

    I was really starting to fall for her (she was head over heels for me) but we were in a long distance relationship (different countries: Northern Ireland to England). We had met on holiday and had visited eachother at home... The times we were together were amazing.

    But, it came down to where I began to think (with some advice from friends) that it might be best to end it: Financially, at the time, flights were killing me, spending money for the weekends were killing me, she was a first year/freshman at uni (I know what my first year of uni was like!) and basically, a long distance relationship (different countries!!!) was very unlikely to last.

    So I cut it short by being an immature prick. I lessened my contact, avoided hers, lessened my enthusiasm and soon, I blew her out and "broke her heart", her words. :hs: Even before I had these thoughts of apologising, any time I thought of her and how I handled the situation, my heart sunk.

    Now I'm thinking of doing what my other ex did to me, apologising via a short and simple text/email. "Hey P here, I know you probably thought "fuck off" as soon as you saw who this was from, but all I wanted to say was that I'm sorry for how I treated you. It was a low thing for me to do, instead of being upfront and honest, I was immature and a coward." Something like that... I'm not looking to rekindle things or open up a can of worms, but I just have this overwhelming feeling that I need to apologise.

    Should I? Or is this a selfish, indirect asshole move to clear my conscious that will open up old wounds and cause more hurt than good?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Waste of time.

    Let her move on, you move on yourself knowing what you did wrong and to never do it again.
     
  3. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I don't see what an apology would hurt... :dunno:

    It may give her closure as well as giving you closure.

    But if you are regretful now, and don't want her to think of you as an immature prick, then why were you an immature prick to begin with?
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    this

    it sounds like you want to do it for all the right and nice reasons, but this may be very hurtful and confusing to her. it also may appear that you want to get back with her, which adds to the confusion.

    if for some reason you ever talk to her, by all means, tell her those things. but dont contact her out of the blue for the bolded reasons above
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Exactly.
     
  6. JamesL

    JamesL wat

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    .
     
  7. awdboost

    awdboost New Member

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    I was think like the last post. Being that she recently contacted you to say sorry. And you go contacting her soon after apologizing she may think that you have feelings.
    But hey what's the worst that can happen. She tells you she still has feelings and at that moment you tell her either a) you feel the same way b)you tell her the truth that you were just sayin sorry because you regret the way you did it in an immature way.
    If its weighin you down get it out the way. Good luck either way!
     
  8. ripcurl

    ripcurl Member

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    whats the point?

    delete those fucking emails and move on.
     
  9. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    You made her an ex for a reason.

    Man the fuck up.
     
  10. giz

    giz Active Member

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    I can understand feeling the need to apologize, it has happened to me in the past.

    I can tell you that despite knowing it might make things worse, and went ahead and went through it with it... and yes it made things worse.
     
  11. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    LISTEN TO THIS GIRL
     
  12. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    Convince yourself that every time you think of contacting her, your balls grow smaller
     
  13. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    i don't really agree with you guys. After a few years it would be kinda nice to get an im sorry message
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You're a man. She'll most likely get distraught over it.
     
  15. giz

    giz Active Member

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    I think it could go either way - she might appreciate some closure, but she might also still be sour about the whole episode. There is no way for him to know.

    If he truly is sorry for making her feel the way he did, he wouldn't take the chance of hurting her again.
     
  16. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Why didn't you just relocate over the other side of the world to be with her.

    There's nothing to extreme or odd about that, is there? :mamoru:
     
  17. NightyNight

    NightyNight OT Supporter

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    idk what position youre in but itd probably do more harm than good
     
  18. awdboost

    awdboost New Member

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    Well now that I think over about it. I felt it was better to stay quiet and not contact her. I had an ex who we had a bad break up. I broke it off and I ended immaturely like you did. Then we bump up with each other in the mall say hi keep walking though. For days I thought damn I should call her and say sorry but I felt like it would make things worse, an what was the real point. I moved on so did she so why even bring up the past.
    So seriously, I'm my opinion don't contact her telling her you are sorry. Let it be it was the past and you are only wanting to apologize because she apologized.
     
  19. RockDaBoat

    RockDaBoat New Member

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    Sorry a few people seem to have misunderstood...

    It was ANOTHER ex that contacted me with an apology, not the girl that I was thinking of apologising to. The girl who i was going to contact has nothing to apologise for... Anyway, I'm not going to contact her, we haven't spoke in nearly a year (to the day!), so it's not hard to control myself. It was the other ex's apology and the emails that made me think of doing this.

    I've matured big time (relationship-wise anyway) and I have dealt with breakups a lot better since.

    But I'd like to point out something, because someone (Pringles?) said "she was your ex for a reason, man the fuck up" - don't get me wrong, if things were rocky, the girl was a bitch, the chemistry wasn't right, or whatever, I wouldn't apologise, I'd have no need to. But when I blew her off, things were great, she loved me, I was falling for (maybe actually loved her too)... I cut up and broke off something good while it was at it's peak and that's another reason why I was thinking of apologising. Also, don't question my manhood, that's just not nice. :mamoru:



    Exactly. That's one reason why I'm not going to go any further.


    I am, but you're 100% on the mark.

    And Ideotique, I wouldn't quite call it the other side of the world, but yeah you're right, I should have moved! :fawk:

    WishYouWereBeer:
    My first reaction was "But I have moved on", obviously by this post, I'm not exactly 100% past it. At least I've learnt from my mistake and nope, I won't ever do it again. :hsd:
     
  20. bpa00

    bpa00 New Member

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    If she was hurt by you back then, and has now moved on... This might just open up old wounds...
     
  21. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    It could really go either way like you said.

    But TS: examine your motives, are you doing this for some altruistic reason that you think it would benefit her? Or are your motives more self-serving - i.e., get the guilt of your chest, give yourself closure. If it's the latter, I wouldn't bother, I'd go with Beer's suggestion, because that's selfish and may or may not make her feel better or worse, and I don't think it's worth the risk if your motives are self-serving [for her sake].

    When I think about it, if I heard from one of my exes for an apology it would actually make me feel pretty good, that would be that, and the end of it :dunno: There's another ex I can think of that the last thing on earth I'd want to this day would be for him to contact me to apoligize, which ironically, is the person in this world I deserve an apology from the most.
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    don't do it
     
  23. Memopad

    Memopad OT Supporter

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    I've had the same thoughts about contacting an ex of mine from 3 years ago. Probably just because i'm all lonely and emo and crap lately :rofl:

    We had broken up, and then continued hanging out all the time and doing everything together. Doh. Finally had a big fight over something i can't even remember the exact details of. She was starting to go crazy and do off the wall shit, i should've dropped her and never talked to her again. Instead i tried to explain to her that what she was doing was retarded and below her, etc etc.

    I wish i remembered what led up to it, but i finally called her a cunt. I'm pretty sure she had started talking shit about my mom, and saying that my mom was the reason i was such a dick. That pretty much ended everything, didn't talk to her again for almost two years. Ran into her at an event about a year ago, and we small talked for a few minutes and that was that.

    So yeah, i felt like talking to her and saying i was sorry things ended the way they did. But now that i remember what she said to me i kind of feel like she deserved it... Just sucks because she had been one of my best friends through most of college and my first "real" relationship.
     
  24. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    a big part of being a man is having powerful urges yet deciding not to act on them and having the willpower to stick to your decision
     
  25. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    A big part of being a big mouth is saying shit that isn't necessarily true, yet still saying them.

    God man :rofl::rofl:

    While yes, confidence is a big part of being a successful man, each man is also their own person, who is strong in some parts, but lesser in others; but not lesser of a "man". Just human. Same goes for women.
     

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