I have a tough decision to make after breaking up with my gf of 2.5 years...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Ari1979, Nov 20, 2007.

  1. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I'm 19 she's 18. I broke up with her last night and to be honest it was long overdue. I hadn't been happy in the relationship for about a year, I stayed hoping it would eventually get better. The main source of tension was her dependence on me and it became overwhelming.

    After making it clear that she couldn't convince me to stay under any circumstances (she has convinced me in the past) she pleaded with me to continue talking after the breakup. I agreed. Is this a really stupid idea? is it incredibly unrealistic to continue speaking as friends even with strong feelings there?
     
  2. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    You've already convinced yourself and I agree with you and that is yes. Give it a year you will know when the feelings are over.
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Talking right after is an awful idea. You both (her especially) need time to get over one another.
     
  4. Sirius

    Sirius OT Supporter

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    Do. Not. Speak.
     
  5. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Speaking simply won't work. It will poor salt on the wounds and make it much more difficult for her especially. You need to move on and take a LONG needed break, end all contact. If the time comes when you want to speak again, then so be it. Now however, is not the time.
     
  6. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    talkin isnt a bad idea if you want some booty here and there. but make sure you dont answer her calls on fridays/ saturdays and those nights are spent with your friends.
     
  7. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    :ugh: Great advice dumbass, did you try reading that there are strong feelings involved
     
  8. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    If you can sever the emotional connection and return her to her native status as an object then feel free to abuse her as a simple cum dumpster.

    However you may have trouble doing this. Advice: it becomes easier to sever the connection emotionally once you screw a stranger (or suspect/find out that she did) and realize you can have whatever girl you want.

    So again, nothing wrong with keeping her on the bench so long as you use her for strictly hedonistic purposes. Don't act like you are back together (obviously you dont have to be cold either) when you are having sex. Just treat her normally and ignore her afterwards or tell her you gotta go. Treat it as a one night stand.

    Edit: since you only have a time frame of a day here in the OP. I would recommend not talking to her at all for 2-3 days. Wait til she calls you then speak but say your busy. Then later that week get drunk with some friends and if you cant find anything else at the bar call her to pick you up from the bar (cheaper than a cab) and bang her.
     
  9. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Thank you for confirming my suspicion. Anyone who has any sense of decency anyone who has any sense of what it means to be a Man, would elbow you in the teeth for even suggesting using a woman ex or not (whom one has had strong emotional attachments) as a fucking cumdumpster.

    Get some self respect, or move to OFFtopic... Obviously I need not explain why you're being a jack ass.
     
  10. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    No there is nothing "intrinsically" wrong with speaking to her, however if he wants to move on and wants her to move on as well, then there is. If you want to go to New York then don't take the road to California. Get it? Not to mention the history of 'pleading' and successful convincing. Not being able to cope without someone.... Continuing to talk to her, would be the LAST thing that should be done in this situation, that just isn't the sign of a healthy/stable individual. It's like giving a crack addict, small tastes.......... People gotta read before advising ;)
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    while I agree that his word choice has misogynistic connotations, his advice on hedonism is pretty dead on.

    i would just like to stress how difficult it may be to view her for strictly physical purposes. otoh if you can pull it off, more power to you. as yuppy says, realizing you can pull quality ass whenever you want to, facilitates this emotional disconnect.

    i don't think it's ethical to do this unless she can match you, however. otherwise you will be knowingly hurtin her.
     
  12. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    You people are seriously messed up, not to mention convolutely mixing up the issue at hand. Wtf does this have to do with pulling quality ass? Grow up.
     
  13. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    :werd:

    also, if you do end up still talking to her, make sure you keep it to small talk. if she starts talking about your relationship, change the subject. keep it light and make it clear you don't want to mull over details of your relationship or get back together. if she insists on talking about it, tell her "i'm sorry, but i can't talk to you if you're going to keep bringing this up."
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    It's the Vag, man. You must not be a regular here. lol

    Everybody down here is concerned with image, being aloof, being a player, and being the "alpha male".
     
  15. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Well then the vag has gone to shit through insecurity. :hsugh:
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :eek3:



    I guess I'll just answer this like it's a question.



    When you have an abundance mindset, it is easier to detach from any single object of your desire.



    That is where quality women come in.



    I agree that it is unlikely Ari will be able to detach, and even if he does, it is unlikely that she will be able to detach along with him. So I'm with you on unnecessarily convoluting the issue in the sense that this particular goal (getting purely physical) would be hard to achieve.

    OTOH, there's nothing wrong with aiming for that goal, other than the fact that it is difficult to accomplish.
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I'm viewing this more in terms of health
     
  18. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    After 2.5 years all bets are off. It isnt using the girl because she is a willing and informed participant. Girls like sex too, remember? Or are you too misogynistic to acknowledge that? What happened to equal rights.

    Again if you read the majority of my post you will find that if you are unable to sever the strings of emotion that this approach is not for you. I would venture to state that the standard, best course is always to quit cold turkey. However if you are able and wish to engage in strictly self satisfying behavior and are able to do so, then by all means go right ahead.

    Heck IF YOU HAVE BEEN THAT UNHAPPY FOR OVER A YEAR THATS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING.
     
  19. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    You realize you are speaking about the situation/people involved in this situation as if they are some sort of goal/objective (cold, dehumanized objects?) I have issue with this, as you are dealing here with people, all whom have feelings/emotions/fears/insecurities/desires....

    You are being FAR too objective and methodical, this isn't a medicine text book, this is LIFE. :coolugh:
     
  20. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I'm out....... :uh:
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You are extrapolating a lack of human empathy based on the clinical ring of my diction.

    Fair enough. Maybe I'm disconnected from my feelings, or unable to view things with depth or care.

    I'm still right...

    Rephrase my post how you please
     
  22. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Definitely. I've already made it clear that when we do talk on occasion it will not be about our relationship. I want to be there for her because she has a lot of crap going on in her life which is the main reason why i agreed to still talk.

    Some (hopefully not most...) girls are way too dependent and my ex really fucked herself that way. She has essentially no friends now because she only focused on me and this relationship. She would come to me with everything going on in her life and now she feels like she has no one. She was controlling beyond belief and would con me into doing things i obviously wasn't ok with. I found out yesterday that she has left university and gone back home.

    I really do love this girl and we could have been married if she hadn't smothered me the way that she did. I wish we met 10 years later than we did... I'm too young for this shit, relationships can be brutal. I feel terrible for this girl because i know she's completely broken and i am... fine. seriously.
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    imo pacing matters. if you both "smother" each other, cool. if you both maintain your independence, cool.
     
  24. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I agree. At least from this whole thing i've realized that i definitely need an independent girlfriend in the future.

    Ugh my ex was dependent to a point that she would often say: "In a healthy relationship people are supposed to be dependent on each other." :ugh:
     
  25. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    Sucsessfuly relationships are a self actualization process and generally involve two people who are able to complete that process.. People have to be independent first before they can be codependent. Just like if you don't love yourself you can not possibly love anyone else.
     

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