I have a problem, maybe...Now, we've Split...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by psycospyder, Jan 29, 2006.

  1. psycospyder

    psycospyder New Member

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    I have a girlfriend. We have a child together with one on the way. I can't stand to be around her. It's been like this for a while now. I recently met someone else, I haven't done anything I shouldn't have, we've just talked. I really dig her, and I know she digs me. I'm stuck. What should I do?


    Details....this is going to sound bad, but we've been together for 3 and a half years, and for about 2 and a half of those, she was accusing me of cheating on her. I've never been unfaithful to her at all. Just talking to this other girl, and thinking about pursuing a relationship with her is the farthest i've ever gone. And this is the only time I've ever done that. I would have packed my shit a long time ago if it wasn't for my daughter.

    The other girl....She's way hotter, smarter, funnier....i could go on for a while.
    But my current gf isn't bad looking at all.

    I'm not looking for a quick fuck either. I'm not even looking have sex with this other girl yet.(reason why will become obvious in a moment).


    Also, I'm 22, my girlfriend is 23. Other girl is....17

    I think I've already decided to end it with her, i just need to know i'm doing what's best for myself and my children. i don't think they need to be around an enviroment like that.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2006
  2. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Post more details? Why do you feel this way? How old are you? How long have you been together? Why are you feeling this way? How does she treat you? Etc., etc.
     
  3. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    Well, like Poco says, details are needed, but at the same time it may be just the pre-baby feel of things. On the flip side, why can't you stand her? You were obviously into her enough to have another child, why did you have another one?
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Don't do anything with this other girl. Figure everything out with your girlfriend first. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side.
    Why would you have another child with a woman you can't stand?
    Be a man and take care of your responsibilities (children). That does NOT mean that you should force yourself to stay with their mother though. IMO children do better with seperated parents than parents that are unhappy and (presumably) fighting.
     
  5. psycospyder

    psycospyder New Member

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    i will always take care of my children, they are always first. new girl didn't come along until about a month ago. our problems have been going on for a while

    And the other child was not planned

    I'm really not a bad person, i've put up with this shit for a long time now.
    new girl dosn't really work into this situation.
     
  6. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Do you understand why I told you to take care of your problems first before jumping to this new girl? You are having problems in your relationship (how dedicated are you to your girlfriend btw?) and see this new woman as almost your saving grace (bad phrase I know). Like I said, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
    If you decide that you are done (or that your relationship is over) with your girlfriend, that decision should NOT have anything to do with this new woman.

    edit to go with your edit:
    What kind of relationship are you truly expecting out of a 17 year old girl? You're obviously very young, but that doesn't mean that you can't make your relationship work. It all depends on what you want.
    Put the other kid (the 17 year old girl) out of the equation and take a long hard look at it. Then sit down and talk to your girlfriend and tell her everything. She deserves to know what's coming also.
    Good luck.
     
  7. psycospyder

    psycospyder New Member

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    you're right, the other girl dosen't fit in. i couldn't tell my gf about new girl because nothing's happened, nor will it happen while i'm with the mother of my children. i might be a lot of things, but i'm not a cheater
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I'd tell your current to stop accusing you of cheating. My ex did that, and I told her "If you don't have photographic proof then don't accuse me again. If you do, I'm gone."

    The grass is always greener, but I bet the 17 year old is much crazier. Good for you for ending it with her.
     
  9. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    WTF are you saying? The grass is very rarely always greener. He said he isn't in for just a sexual relationship, wth are you going to get with a typical 17 year old besides that?
     
  10. psycospyder

    psycospyder New Member

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    i've tried, i put up with accusations for 2 YEARS and i've never done a thing.
    women are nuts, you treat them right, you make love to them, you provide everything they need, and they still treat you like old shit...the men that beat women and use drugs have less trouble than the ones of us that treat a woman the way she should be treated
     
  11. psycospyder

    psycospyder New Member

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    VIRGIN
    VIRGIN
    VIRGIN

    i must return home now...i'll be back later tonight or tomorrow morning.
     
  12. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that.
    I'm married and a mother, so I'm certainly not a virgin :mamoru:
    You yourself said you were not interested in sexual relations with this other girl, so what does her virginity have to do with it?
    I'm genuinely confused now :o
     
  13. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    Sounds to me like you might be partially pursuing this 17 year old girl out of lust (even if you haven't realised this yet yourself).

    What emotional qualities of hers drag you in? Besides the 'smarter' and 'funnier' (they are so overused and everyone says that)... Do you have a sharing of interests or some sort of common ground?

    For starters, she's a virgin... And you've had two children (and unprotected sex by the sounds of it)... Is she really at your level? Would she REALLY have the same expectations for a relationship as you? I doubt it.

    Now on to your current SO, why do you feel this way? What defines her like this in your mind? Is she lazy? Is she abusive? ... and why has she accused you of cheating on and off for two years? Do you give her reason to?

    It sounds to me like the biggest thing pushing you away from your current SO is the accusations, noone like a jealous partner (or to be accused). Sit her down, and talk it out.

    :)
     
  14. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    yup... Girls change A LOT at that age, physically and emotionally. She can have a pick of many differant guys at this point... Why would she bother with one that has baggage?
     
  15. jonno

    jonno New Member

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  16. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Who cares if the 17 yr old is hotter, smarter, and that your current GF is good looking, none of that should be a priority to you right now. You've got a kid and another on the way, prioritize. Sounds to me like the new girl is being used an excuse to leave a bad relationship. If that’s the case, leave, be it for the 17 yr old, for a 40 yr old or for no one but yourself, bc you aren’t happy...and it will only get worse. Do whatever you gotta, just be honest, and be good to your children. That’s all that matters at the end of the day. Good luck, and try to stay away from any decisions that are potentially going to cause you more drama in your life (AKA the 17 yr old).
     
  17. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    Well said.
     
  18. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    qft...
     
  19. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    My point was exactly that - it *appears* greener, but usually is not. ;) Getting involved with anyone else, especially a 17 year old, at this point is symptomatic of other problems in the relationship. He's clearly unhappy with being accused of cheating, but until he gets a backbone and does something about it everything else will always look better.

    The reality is that the problems he is experienced are because he allows his SO to treat him like crap. When he said:
    I think it's more his fault things are like this. He's acting like a child to the mother here, and she's all over him. He needs to get a backbone and start acting like a father. The more he pulls away the worse it's going to get, and no one is going to be happy. He'll ruin his family, he'll be unhappy, she'll be unhappy, and the kids will get screwed in the long run.

    If I were to give advice, I'd say he needs to take more responsibility for his problems, learn how to act like a father and husband, and realize that he'll only get out of the relationship what he puts in. And, kissing her ass and not standing up for himself is a child's game. Women don't want a pussy as a partner, they want a responsible and mature partner who will be a solidifying force that keeps the family together, keeps people happy, and at the same time gets something out of it. If he let's her treat him like crap, then everyone loses. :sadwavey:
     
  20. psycospyder

    psycospyder New Member

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    I've always stood my ground, I don't get pushed around. My girlfriend has some serious psychological baggage. I have put up with her shit for too damn long. And you're right. I don't need to be messing around with this 17 year old girl. But I'm through dealing with this shit.
     
  21. psycospyder

    psycospyder New Member

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    We Split...

    Last night, me and my gf of three years split. It had to be done.
     
  22. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    As I recall, this was a good thing, right?
     
  23. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Wasn't this the one that had one young child and another on the way?
     
  24. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    merged two threads... :)

    in regards to the situation, :bigthumb:. i'm glad...well, considering you've discussed the issues thoroughly, and have come to the conclusion TOGETHER that you're not meant for each other. you can still be a terrific father regardless if the two of you are together.
     
  25. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

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    I do not think you should stay in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of kiddos.. I think you SHOULD try to work it out with your gf.. mean try councling and stuff like that.. try ALL other options first.. if nothing works .. split.. i dont think you should go hoping to another girl though.. i think you should stay single for a while.. untill you kiddos can understand whats REALLY going on.. kids are smarter then most people give them credit for..
     

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