SRS I have a problem (anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, May 7, 2006.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I have a problem sharing my feelings and talking about myself, but I think I may have gotten to the point where I need to do it. I've written alot of Asylum threads only to erase them and never submit them but I think im ready to post now.

    A little about me, Im a young growing 16 year old. I live with my mom, brother,sister and step father. I have a problem but no idea what it is. I keep everything to myself, from what makes me angry, sad, and even happy. Im told that it is bad, people tell me I must be heartless never showing emotion but I feel like this is me. I am alone, always have been alone and I think I will always be alone. I try to be as independent as possible buying and trying to do as much for myself as I can. I pay for all my car related things including the car. I pay for what I eat and I pay for what I use. I feel like my age holds me back and makes me vulernable.

    I have to live with my mom, I can't even make a bank account without her and I hate the fact that I have to rely on her for things. Im used to being alone, noone to really help and "lean" on. Im prepared to be alone but Im begining to lose control of all my problems. Its like my mind is overflowing, like im holding in too much and am begining to lose control. I know this is a test, to see how strong I am, if i can handel it. I have little problems, things everyone should be able to deal with. Things like, girls, friends, life and such. And i have my bigger problems I have to learn to deal with, my obsession with death and my lonliness. Im not suicidal but Ive lost motivation to live,

    i feel like it wouldnt matter if someone came up to me while i was playing basketball and shot me. I have no motivation to live. I want to get good grades, get money, have a nice car and be succesfull, but inside i know even with all this I will still be alone. If this is how its gonna be I will not give up but rather deal with it. I think im too the point where noone can help me, I have too many problems and am the only person capable of understanding and handeling them. People tell me im extremly mature and understand alot of things, im told I can see through things and understand them.

    That im street smart and book smart, but inside EVERYTHING confuses me. I feel that trying to talk to other people will show that im weak. I feel alone, I want to have someone. A friend, a girlfriend, a mom or somthing. But this is how im meant to be im suppose to be alone so i have to man up and deal with it. Ive gotten to the point where alone is beggining to become fine, Im not a loner and emotional kid on the outside. I have fun, go out but I feel like im alone even when im out with a group of people. Its a test though, my problems are small and little in numbers compared to some older people. Im angry that im having trouble dealing with them but I know its all a test and I will try my best to ace it. There are people with bigger problems and more problems so i should easily be able to handel my own alone. It is easy for me to help others and I do it alot. Now I need to focus on helping myself a bit more. Ive begun to get used to this, work, school, keeping myself active, sleep.


    I could write a book trying to explain how I feel but ill stop myself now, Im not sure what im expecting to read as replies, no replies would feel just as good, just letting it out through text is good enough. Usually I write post longer than this but never post the thread but I realized it wouldnt hurt to let it out. It may make me feel good and give me even just a little relief. Im doing this anonamously because posting it with a identity online makes me feel just as weak as it would to tell someone in person.

    thanks for reading ot.

    CLIFFS: I feel alone, I am alone, I will deal with it.
     
  2. sticky

    sticky New Member

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    first off, i think you need to re-read what you just wrote. "i keep everything to myself..... i am alone"

    dear, of course youre alone if you keep it all to yourself. is there not ONE person in your life, even a journal maybe.. to leak it all out to? sometimes all one needs is to vent.

    second of all, you need to realize you're not a rare breed to feel this way. youre young, its normal. i used to be a "peer-counselor" in high school, and believe me, the most "normal" people felt the same way.
     
  3. Incognito

    Incognito New Member

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    let me just say... you are not alone...

    reading through that post, you have described me, down to a 'T'... it was like i was reading through something i had written, the only difference is i'm 22....

    like you, i am yet to overcome this, but if i find something that helps, i'll be sure to let you know.... and like you, i'm only just starting to open up about this... tonight i have actually posted an anonymous thread on a car forum i frequent, to see if anyone has any suggestions that may help....

    i know exactly how you feel
     
  4. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    You have barely even begun your life ahead of you, how can you predict the future? Perspectives change as you grow older, the way you see things now you won't look at it the same way later. Just take it one day at a time, and know that things will change regardless if you planned it or not.
     
  5. Indrew

    Indrew New Member

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    You will be alone for the rest of your life unless your attitude somehow changes.
     
  6. machibear

    machibear New Member

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    I think you will eventually grow out of this stage. You are still young, as stupid as this may sound right now its true. I am myself am 20 and I know that I have grown significantly in the four years. So my advice to you is to just find a way to vent, weither it be music, writing, exercising or reading, just find a way to let those feelings out.
     

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