I have a complex sexual anxiety issue

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by black jesus, Feb 5, 2008.

  1. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I've always had a hard time orgasming. I know there are a ton of threads on this, but mine is a bit more chronic than most. It started back when i was 15, and having phenomenal sex with the 18 year old drill team captain. The first GF and I did everything under the sun, but never once orgasmed. Then, I had a few with a girl a couple years later. So far the best was an italian girl I dated for about a year. I've never had an orgasm from anything but sex where I'm standing or her legs on my shoulders. Its not like a lack of comfort or a lack of stimulation, because its all there.

    I'm 27 years old, and now I can't really stay hard longer than 30 minutes or so, even though i'm totally into it. I've had a lot of sex over lets say the last 13 years, and I think I should be able to get off like most at some point. I had the shakes 2 times with the italian girl...I really, really want that to happen again. I don't even remember what it was like aside from it being better than any drug or feeling I've ever known.

    I'm very comfortable with the girl I'm sleeping with now, and we both really like each other and I feel the intense emotional connection is there, so maybe it will happen this weekend.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well one thing I know for sure is you are probably mentally putting way too much pressure on yourself...and orgasms are very large in part mental.
     
  3. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    yeah, and hopefully its just a mental issue, but I've been locked up in long relationships before, content and happy with everything, and it still doesn't happen. Any recommended breathing patterns or shit like that to help channel out the sexual energy? hopefully I don't have to start shoving stuff up my butt to get off...which is definitely off limits...lol.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    The cumming position might not be as weird as you think.

    I've cum from other positions before, but the only consistent cumming postion for me has been doggystyle. You like what you like dude. If you've cum from those positions before, then end up on those positions.

    As for anxiety, I'm not really sure what to tell you other than maybe seeing a therapist about it. :dunno: Given your other issues, seeing a therapist isn't a bad idea anyways. I know you are on a high with this new girl (and it's so refreshing to see this out of you), but those issues haven't just gone away. You gotta deal with them and work through them dude.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Have you ever thought of doing intense teasing? I'm talking being blindfolded, maybe tied and teased hardcore? Limiting the senses can make you focus on everything but just "I HOPE I CUM, I HOPE I CUM!"
     
  6. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I know this, and that's why I'm asking questions. I also know I'm on a high with this deal, and it will probably end very soon, badly.
     
  7. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I may try this, without the blindfold. I don't really mindfuck myself consciously, I get pretty fucking into it. I was really close one day last week...maybe I just need a little more comfort and acceptance, which I received over the last couple days.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's always worth a shot...I mean, it's really fucking hot.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Do you masturbate?

    If so, what sorts of things do you do to make yourself cum? Try putting yourself into that mode while having sex.
     
  10. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I know this makes me sound like a gay dude, but its gets me off when the girl is really into it. Nothing filthy or anything like that, but when the girl gets off, I do. This girl has no problems in this department. Maybe some comfort will help me out, and I'll be really tired after moving into my new apartment in the morning, then cooking dinner for her that night and can relax enough to make it happen.
     
  11. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    jerk off less. i last about 10 minutes now. i never used to be able to cum on top.... both of the last 2 times ive had sex ive came on top (quickly) since i stopped jerkin it
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Seriously though, cut down the jacking.
     
  13. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    maybe you have deathgrip syndrome. stop jerking off. or when you do, go easy on yourself and don't use the deathgrip.

    i've only had this problem when i've jerked off within 24 hours of sex. once i couldn't cum at all and the girl got really frustrated. i got cramps trying so hard to cum. :mamoru:
     
  14. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I was a once per day kind guy, and haven't rubbed one out since roughly 1/22 knowing this might be an issue.
     
  15. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    after about 15 days i had a lot less trouble climaxing. i wasnt having too much trouble before; cept i could only really go with her on top.
     
  16. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    do you have any trouble rubbing one out in 5 minutes or less?

    I would say that even if there isnt any real problem, 13 years of it just not happening is enough to make a strong pattern that will be hard to break.

    get comfortable with your girl, then do whatever you have to do to cum with her there. don't worry about cumming from sex for a while. just worry about cumming with a woman. start as close to your usual wacking it pattern as you have to, but as close to sex as you can.

    try jacking it with her sucking on the tip naked and on her knees.

    when masterbate, what do you NEED to have to make it work?
     

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