SRS I hate myself

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Seeders, Mar 25, 2008.

  1. Seeders

    Seeders OT Supporter

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    im not who i think i should be. i feel like i'm always chasing myself but i keep stumbling. i know why people get awkward around me but i cant change. There are so many people I should be friends with because we have a lot in common and whatnot, but my relationships keep running dry..and its always my fault. It used to be so much easier when i was young, but i hate myself and what i've become. i keep trying to change but i cant. i dont want to die, and i haven't thought about suicide but only because i believe this is my only chance. if i believed in an afterlife or reincarnation i'd probably be dead.:weak:
     
  2. uCallmeBobby

    uCallmeBobby (_!_)

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    Who are you, who do you think you should be, and where are the differences?

    What do you mean?

    why do they get awkward around you? Do you have any specific instances?

    what kinds of things do you have in common with those people?

    what used to be so much easier?
    What have you become?
    Why do you hate yourself?

    What do you want to change to? Why?
     
  3. Seeders

    Seeders OT Supporter

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    quiet. even around good friends i find it hard to find interesting topics to talk about or things to do. I feel like a douchebag a lot because I act like one.

    Confident and outgoing. I am confident. I really feel like I have the abilities and the know-how to carry on conversations and grow relationships. I used to do it all no problem, but now theres something in the way.

    the way i present myself and the way people judge me based on that presentation is miles away from who i feel like in my head. When I listen to other people's conversations, i am right there with them...but then when I try to talk it usually comes out wrong or I stutter or something and nobody can ever see through that.

    I hate myself because I've become a douchebag. I wouldn't want to hang out with me if I was someone else. My friends hang out with me because they know who I really am, but I just keep slipping away from that and even my best friendships are becoming hollow.
     
  4. Japan Four

    Japan Four Guest

    start being who you really want to be or just die. you can believe in reincarnation or afterlife all you want. but the fact remains, you cannot prove that either of those exist or not. so think of this life as your only chance, and just become what you want to be.
     
  5. kpwafoi

    kpwafoi New Member

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    I feel the same way sometimes. There are a number of people who I think would really enjoy my company if only I could force myself to be the person that I know I am inside. There are a few people who I have really been able to open up to and let them get to know the real me but I have run most of them off too.
    I just have felt stuck in this rut all my life and don't know how to get out.
     
  6. Seeders

    Seeders OT Supporter

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    thats my whole fucking problem mod edit: show some love :hsnono: , i CANT.

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2008
  7. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    To really learn some confidence you need to see a therapist. Get it free through the county or on a sliding scale without insurance based on your income. Just be honest with them. OT is not your only chance of coming out of this funk. Start running/walking in very public areas, it helped me. Some day you might just meet someone.
     
  8. Seeders

    Seeders OT Supporter

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    i dont like the idea of a therapist, but i appreciate your suggestion
     
  9. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    The new you will thank the old you. Its better than religion and completely non-religious.
     
  10. Timdog

    Timdog New Member

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    You seem to be only pushing away all the advice that everyone has put up here. You need to try SOMETHING. Just start doing something. Feel like you need to get in better shape? Well, go ahead and hit the gym everyday. Feel like meeting some more people? Join a club for something you enjoy doing already or hell, join a club that does something you've never done before. The big thing is to keep active and constantly move forward, don't just wallow in your depressed state. I know it might seem like none of this will help you out, but trust me, it WILL help. You just need to start living life again instead of sitting around and thinking about how horrible your life is. Get a positive attitude going and just start attacking things. Don't think about how horrible you are or whatever, go forward and live. Each time one of those old thoughts enters your head, just start doing something else. Stop pushing people away and learn to lighten up a bit instead of being really serious all the time.

    Now I can say all of this to you, but YOU are the only one who can actually take my or anyone else's advice. You don't really have anything to lose, so why not just try SOMETHING?

    Of course, you might also have deeper mental issues that the Asylum can't fully deal with. You might need medication, but we can't tell you if you do or do not. If our advice doesn't help you, I beg you, seek out professional help.
     
  11. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Its not just up to you to carry a conversation. Comfortable conversation among people is facilitated by proper body language from all sides. I can be the life of the party if I feel good body language coming from others. I need to feel that they like me and are interested in what I have to say. The next day I can be in a group that doesn't like me quite as much, and I might have a hard time getting a word in edgewise. I could probably find ways to myself more likeable to more people, because I am distrusting of people I don't know and usually come off as an asshole. But quite simply, some people just won't like you no matter what you do.

    Go to a therapist. He will help you realize what is going on beneath the surface and why you are feeling like this, and what you need to do to correct it. And learn about body language and power. I'm willing to bet you're pretty low on the totem pole as far as social power in those groups. This is why you are being ignored and people don't respect you enough to give you the right body language. Subconsiouly you feel it, and you feel like its all your fault (it partially is, but you can correct your end with therapy and learning). Learn about what you communicate to other people by the way you behave and how it influences how they behave towards you.

    A lot of the negative body language that you are reacting to might also be entirely in your head, based on bad experiences as a childhood or being a bit too self centered. A therapist can seperate fact from fiction and help you realize what is really going on around you and react to it appropriately in a way that will make people respect you. As long as you are unsure of your reality, people simply cannot respect or trust you because you can't even trust your own perception.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2008
  12. JCDP

    JCDP New Member

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    Do you do any sports or any hobbies which are worthwhile?

    I find sports take my mind off things brilliantly and come with goals and if your passionate enough its something to talk about.
     
  13. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    There really is no such things as "should" be, but rather who do you choose to be in this moment of now, and the next moment which follows? Who do you look up to that has overcome adversity or accomplished character qualities you'd like to acquire?

    When you stay stumbling are you saying that you attempt to behave in a certain manner and you find yourself falling short of your expectation of what you should have done? Again, "should" is not an appropriate word. We can't become anything unless we accept where we currently are. If you pull out a map and try to get somewhere, you can't go anywhere in particular unless you first find when you are first.

    Don't be so arrogant as to assume responsibility for 100% of the relationship. There are two people, you and the other person. You're only responsible for 50%, let the other person be responsible for their share. So this in-fact means you aren't "at fault." Again, you used the word "should" -- this word is not good, it's right up there with "can't, have to, I want." You need to understand that you aren't obligated by anything but your own expectations and that's not being fair to yourself. Having things in common with people doesn't mean you're ready to interact with them. You have to first take care of yourself and get my mental frame-work in place so you know who you are, what you believe in and stand for, and that you have a strong internal frame of reference aka Character. Are you honest? Compassionate? Loyal? Loving? Kind? Giving? -- figure out which qualities you have and or want, and act in ways that are conducive to fulfilling these. This will help you become the you that you will choose.

    Yesterday is dead and over, and the past is gone but something might be found to take it's place, if you're willing to listen to the advice I'm giving you. I've done some pretty awful things in my life that I'm ashamed of, things that are cruel, evil, violent, disgusting -- but I don't hate myself, I've forgiven myself. I forgave myself because I didn't know, I was ignorant and couldn't comprehend what was going on. I took responsibility though, and I paid the prices -- but now I look at myself, and I'm a certain asset to the human race.

    Tell me why you really hate yourself.

    I'm going to recommend a book to you. You can ignore it, or give it a chance. If I was you, I'd take the latter. Conversations With God, Book 1 by Walsch. See, you keep trying to do something that you shouldn't be doing. Don't "try" to change. Change is inevitable, it happens without conscious intent, it's apart of the process of life. Trying to do something is a waste of your time, but rather instead of "trying" start "choosing" -- this means actually acting in ways that are going to get you from where you are (point A) to where you would like to go (point B). Change occurs as a result of living now, being present, accepting it -- even when it's really painful or tragic. I've seen so much pain and suffering in my life, and I can tell you, no one else is going to drop a better revelation.

    If you find that you can't do these things, or that you're not ready to do them, they don't "try" -- simply do when you are compelled from within, not out of obligation because you "have to, or should" -- let your heart (for lack of a better word) inform you of when it's time to advance.

    Also, if you need further help beyond this, if you feel you're suffering is too advanced, don't be afraid to see your doctor, and to consider a counselor. You may need some assistance if it's extreme, or if you have any other health problem.

    I hope you feel better man, and come here anytime, we're here to help.
     
  14. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Do you behave that way because you want attention, to feel included? Do you find yourself acting that way because you're fearful that if you're more subdued, quiet and reserved, that people won't like, respect or want to be around you?

    The reality is, it's perfectly ok to be quiet, and to be yourself, even if who you currently are isn't all that interesting or likeable. You must begin somewhere, and everything grows and develops in this world. Nothing begins with mastery. Why expect yourself to run, when you haven't yet learned how to walk? I use this analogy to express your primitive understanding of yourself and your character. This isn't a bad thing, it's not bad to be young, naive, inexperienced, and growing. It's only damaging when you try to bypasse it, or try to label it as wrong instead of letting yourself grow and evolve. This includes socially too, and internally.

    Yes, you're in the way. You're not present, you're not being what you simply are. You're "trying" to fit a sqaure peg in a round hole. You may wish to act confident and outgoing, but that isn't who you are right now.

    Welcome to the planet, welcome to being human. It's true, who we are inside is often not the message we convey to others, and that's ok, because who people perceive us to be is based off their own notions, expectations and feelings about who they think we are or should be.

    You are what you are. A stone is a stone, a tree a tree, and you, are simply you for now. Be glad you even have the opportunity to grow and to change, else you couldn't experience anything at all without that relative context.

    You're terrified of what they might say, or what they might think -- probably more so the first, because then you're left to your own devices to run over and over it in your head. "Did she think I was stupid? Did I say something wrong? Maybe I was babbling or talking too much, was my topic of conversation lame?" You're so wrapped up in what others think, that you literally become paralyzed and no longer think about what "you" think. What you think is truth, it is where you are at this time -- don't be afraid to be that. You have to have a conviction and to stand behind something, and what better than who you are as you are?

    I get the impression you're also suffering from depression. I've already covered most of this, but I think the more you call yourself a douche bag the more you'll act like one. It's time to change your choice of words if what you would like to accomplish is growing. Don't try, just choose it if that is who you are. The words we use inside our minds and how we present ourselves to others plays a massive role in how we really act and what we think and feel. Start showing yourself respect. You deserve to be here as much as the rest of us, otherwise you wouldn't have been here at all.
     
  15. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    No one does, but let me give you some good information incase you do choose at some time to go to one. First, therapists are trained in different ways, but the general outcome is they have extensive knowledge on theory of human behavior, understanding the basic dysfunctions and complexities of conscious human thought. These people have studied, and then treated countless patients, sometimes thousands. In those experiences of treating patients, it becomes very clear what the vast majority of human beings need, want, and how they become ill in various psychiatric or psychological ways.

    A therapist can't "fix" you, rather than play a role as being objective, seeing your world from the outside looking in, and when you reflect your world out by talking to them, they are able to see hang-ups, irrational beliefs, as well as areas in which the unconscious mind is "protecting" the individual from rapidly integrating too much information too quick. When people try to change fast -- they fail. Changing requires a "choice" to do it, not try it, and when you choose, you gradually begin to learn about who you are from someone outside you who has not conflict of interest in regards to your life. They have nothing to gain by telling you the truth about what they see. A lot of people deny the truth that therapists share, only to later realize it was true.

    You must also realize therapists don't go into that profession to make money, as most make very little even though they seem to charge a lot. Most therapists accept medical insurance, and that insurance only pays a portion, sometimes as little as 20 dollars or 40 dollars for your session. Then there is the fact that most therapists use sliding scales, often working practically for free, because they don't like the thought of turning a way a patient in need who isn't financial capable.

    Then you get the fat cats, those who "can" afford the session at full cost, who then bitch and complain about a 90 dollar fee. Don't they realize they're paying for extensive knowledge and experience learned from both a long term educational institution, as well as ongoing study -- and on top of all that, the experience the counselor has from having worked with many other cases? These people have to make a living, they're not trying to just rip people off. They have to make up for free cases and lost funds from insurance companies! That's why their regular fees are so high in general. With insurance though, you shouldn't pay much if anything.

    Therapists make mistakes, they evolve and grow from there very first session. The lessons learned and mistakes made gradually end up turning them into very efficient and effective people, who not only care about their patients, but sincerely want to tell you the truth.

    So do you still not like the idea of having someone objective with all this skill and who has worked with people just like you and been able to help them?

    This is the "general" therapist we're talking about. You'll run into some bad ones if not careful, and so I've laid out a ground work for patients who want to find a good one. I'll liste it below:

     
  16. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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