SRS i hate my sex life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PureEnergy, May 31, 2007.

  1. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    Let me humiliate myself and give a brief description of my dating/sex life, which can be sum up in a few secs. I'm 26 yrs old and I've never dated anyone in my life. Dating meaning meet a girl somewhere and go out to a movie or a dinner and have a decent conversation like I see everyone else do. In high school and college I did manage to talk to several females, but everytime I asked them to hang out I would get a typical respond like "i can't come out on fri" or "i'm busy" or "I can't stay out late" or "I have to go home and I don't hang out" and the excuses go on forever. After my college years I decide to lose my virginity to a escort, which was a few years ago. I've been using escorts since then every now and then and yes I do use a condom, but I don't want to rely on escorts anymore. Everytime I go w/ my friends to hangout they always manage to meet girls, whether its at a bar, club, mall, etc and i'm always left in the dust. At the same time I always see people around me w/ girls and they always say its easy. I have browse through some parts of the forum and most people say its easy to get a date. Well right now I can't even get a date if my life depends on it. The people that say its easy, how do they do it?
     
  2. orion2034

    orion2034 Trying is the first step to failure

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    im sorry to hear you havnt had the best of luck man, i know how it goes, im 22 and still a virgin and i cant meet girls for the life of me. i really wish i could offer you some kickass advice i hope you get it down man and meet a kick ass girl.
     
  3. Electric_Church

    Electric_Church New Member

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    go to your library and get a book out on how to pick up women/how to chat to girls

    Do it
     
  4. Stargazer

    Stargazer New Member

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    Thats so sad. Are you super shy or anything? If you're going to bars and your friends are picking up girls and you are not...could it be because you are not talking to the girls? You could also be the opposite and come on too strong?

    Ask your friends (the ones who pick up the girls) for advice....they SEE you at the bar and they might be able to give you some tips.

    Good luck!!
     
  5. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    it's because you lack confidence. They can tell from the second you start talking to them or they see you walking that you don't have shit to believe in. You don't even believe in yourself why should they believe in you? What gives you confidence? Accomplishing your own goals. Knowing you can do what it takes. Taking Risks. Being wrong, but at the same time you will be right some of the time or learn what it takes to be right.
     
  6. Lantis745

    Lantis745 Member

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    Im sorry did you say "can't". You should ALWAYS be confident and positive about what you say. You teling yourself that automatically hinders your chances of getting a date. The first step is to allow yourself to think you CAN do something. If you don't think Positive in the first place how Can you ever Suceed? Im sorry to hear that you had to rely on escorts but your better than that! I hope everything goes well for you.
     
  7. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    if you don't like the way you are now, do something to change yourself to the point where you can be happy. building confidence is the first step. exercise will not only increase your self-confidence regarding your looks but also release chemicals to make you feel good. its just one way to start but its a start regardless
     
  8. Fishbait

    Fishbait New Member

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    :werd:

    -get a new haircut... not from super cuts either. go to a 'fancy' place that charges AT LEAST $20+ and ask for a FEMALE that is "good with young men's hairstyles"

    -buy some new clothes... no need to get crazy here either. Ross has dress shirts for $20 from the 'van heusen' (sp) brand that rock imho.

    -do something different in your life... do you like to bike ride? get yourself a bike from craigslist or whatever and FORCE yourself to ride at least 2x each week for about an hour. saturday and sunday are perfect days for this.

    each of these above will release natural endorphins into your brain which will make you feel better which in turn will cause you to act more confident.

    good luck!
     
  9. Fishbait

    Fishbait New Member

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    ever considered talking to a doc about depression? you can get some good meds these days that will help to raise your seratonin levels WHILE ALSO giving you that "fuck it" edge you might need when out and about.

    i've used Paxil CR in the past with great results. my brother is currently taking it as well and talks about how social situations are not a big deal like they used to be.

    :coolugh:
     
  10. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    You may want to note that most antidepressants have sexual side effects.
     
  11. YourMomOnRyeBun

    YourMomOnRyeBun New Member

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    Next time you go out with your friends take a step back, be honest, and make a mental note about what they are doing differently. You can't be that much of a tool, or your friends wouldn't want you with them at the bar cockblocking. So, having never met/seen you I would imagine it is something subtle. If you were a complete disaster...like I said, your friends wouldn't want you with them at the bar. Or they would be disasters also...and they wouldn't be getting girls either.

    Do you dress differently?
    Are you ordering faggy drinks?
    Not talking to girls when they do/talking to much?
    What topics to you bring up vs your friends?
    When your group of friends approaches a group of girls...are you standing in the back?
    Are these "friends" true friends? Or do they just use you for money/sober ride home?
    Are you standards too high for the presentation that you put forward? We all want to take home a model...but we aren't all models ourselves.
    The girls your friends get...what do you think of them? Would you want a girl like that? Looking for something hotter? Settle for something less?

    What it all comes down to is lowering your standards/expectations until you build your confidence. Don't shoot for the moon until you are 100% ready to put forth the effort. Find a girl at the bar that isn't getting any attention. Maybe the "ugly girl" in the group your friends are talking to...whatever. Even if you wouldn't want to "take her home", talk to her. Buy her a drink. Basically it comes down to practice. Learn from your mistakes. Think of it as an experiment. How does she react when you talk about "XYZ"... As your confidence builds, move onto more "challenging" things.
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    And are addictive.
     
  13. YourMomOnRyeBun

    YourMomOnRyeBun New Member

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    Another idea...sorry. Just hate to hear you struggle like this.

    Do you have any female friends? Not girlfriends...just friends. Shit they could even be your sisters friend, whatever...just depends how bad you want this. It wouldn't matter who they are, because you for this idea you aren't actually going to try and fuck them. Just make sure it is someone that you can trust because you are essentially going to open your heart to them.

    Explain your situation to them and what you are hoping to acheive. Then take them out for a dinner date (or whatever) and then just hang out. This will give you the "practice" of a real date (other than the sex part). Then take her home. Don't try anything...remember that was part of the agreement. Then the next day meet for lunch and get a "review".

    Were you too quiet? Did you take her to a dance club and you were just a wallflower?
    Did you have a poor choice of conversation topic? (Hint: most girls don't give a fuck about your video games, mods on your car, stereo system, # of posts on OT, etc.)
    What does she think about the way you treated her? Are you opening the door for her? Introducing her to your friends properly? Being respectful?
    How about the way you dress?

    I know it would be weird...but wouldn't it be worth it?

    You have to remember, there is a girl on the other side of the bar with HER friends who always pick up guys, while she doesn't and she is wondering the same thing. "What do I do wrong".

    Once you figure out the pick up game, then move on and try to pick up girls some place other than a bar.

    Bars are great places to pick up some ass...not pick up a girlfriend. Remember you are 26, not 21. You aren't dead...but too old to be looking for a bar slut as a girlfriend.
     
  14. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    Thanks for listening, just to let you know I regret going to a escort when I was around your age.

    Already did that. I know the concept of being confident and having a little tease is a good way to start, but nothing comes to mind when I'm actually on the floor trying to start a conversation.

    Sometimes I think I do come on too strong. And other times I don't have anything creative to say or nothing comes to mind.

    Yea that happened before also.

    :bigthumb:
     
  15. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    Sorry I'm not letting a female touching my hair. I actually went to a expensive place and my hair turned out a lot worst than what it was. Currently the hair is not a issue.


    I thought about seeing a therapist, then I realized some people spends thousands of dollars on a therapy with no results. At this point I can't afford to plunge thousands of dollars down the drain. I'm not broke, but also not rich either. If there was some sort of GUARANTEED results, then I would consider it. Of course nothing in life is 100% guaranteed.
    This is exactly why I don't want to rely on any pills. I prefer doing it all natural.
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I don't mean to pry but I am totally curious about the escort thing. Was she hot? Did she know it was your first time? What was it like?
     
  17. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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  18. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    live like you got nothing to lose.

    worked for me last night. ;)
     
  19. YourMomOnRyeBun

    YourMomOnRyeBun New Member

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  20. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    All the escorts I get are hot or close to hot. If i'm going to pay for it I'll make sure I'm getting my $$$ worth.

    UPDATE:
    Nothing has change if anyone wants to know. I'm still relying on escorts
     
  21. essejgnad

    essejgnad poopty pangts

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    Got a picture of yourself? Maybe that'd explain something. Not trying to be mean, just wondering.
     
  22. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I think this part of your problem. Having that might actually decrease your motivation to improve yourself or meet someone new. Meeting new people and, more specifically, trying to date someone new is hard and when you have an easy fall back plan like this I think you might actually be hurting your chances. Seems like taking the easy way out will probably make it even harder for you to get motivated and I'm guessing it probably isn't helping your confidence level either. Just a thought.

    Either way I definitely agree with those who have suggested that you take some time to really work on yourself. Join a gym, take a class, have a standing appointment to hang out with friends at least once a week (like every Wednesday night you and some friends meet for pool, etc). Good luck!
     
  23. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    A picture wouldn't explaing anything. A friend of my see a lot of weird/deformed looking dudes that are shorter than us w/ good looking hot girls. Not saying i'm that i'm a casanova and I know i'm no where near that, but I know i look at least almost normal.
     
  24. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    Thanks I agree, but at this point I feel like a slouch and basically no motivation yet. However I'll try to motivate myself because I really do not want to rely on escorts in anyway.

    Edit: I don't even know where to begin to meet girls elsewhere. All I do is work and there are old people like 50-60s in my work place.
     
  25. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    I agree, its all about the confidence.

    Just curious, how much on avg did you spend / visit for an escort? I know they arent cheap, but I think you should save your money for when you do meet someone special. Or maybe go on a vacation with that money?
     

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