SRS I hate goodbyes

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JordanClarkson, Jul 10, 2005.

  1. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson Active Member OT Supporter

    Oct 11, 2002
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    Go Dodger Blue!
    Everytime someone is going to part for a certain amount of time, I tend to get rather quiet, moody, and depressed up until their departure, and then right after they leave I feel so lonely and regret not being more friendly. People think that I'm mad at them or something but I feel like I just don't know how to handle goodbyes. I think maybe it came from when I was younger. I'd get so attached to friends when they were with me and having to say goodbye felt like such an emotional shock. A couple times my friends visited me for a week or so and the day they left they had gone before I even woke up. And other times I think I never really acknowledged the fact that they eventually did have to leave so I was always enjoying myself 100% until I had to face the truth.

    Two weeks ago when I moved out of my old place that I lived for a year, I only said goodbye to one roommate and it was because he was there at the time. I had been pretty distant from them for a month or so leading up to the move. They were probably the best roommates I had ever had, but I just felt really weird about leaving

    The girl I'm dating is leaving to go to college a couple hours away and I'm wanting to distance myself from her as much as possible. We try to talk about her leaving but it feels as if it's impossible for me to access those feelings. When she's not around I feel like I'm going to miss her and I feel lonely, but when she's actually here I feel like I resent her or something. I know I'm going to regret being mean to her. Maybe I feel like we won't keep in touch, because I hardly keep in regular touch with old friends.

    It's really frustrating to not have control over your emotions. Anyone else have this problem?
  2. ItchyDog

    ItchyDog Guest

    I think everyone has similar feelings, but some people are better than others in hiding them. :)
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

    Nov 4, 2003
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    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    I don't know who really has 'control' over their emotions. In that, you feel what you feel. It's an automatic reaction.

    Well, what you can control is what you do with your emotions. (This is what most people choose to do)

    You can control your actions. You can use your logical mind to realize if you have a propensity to spinning off the deep end, and realize that emoting to the nth degree doesn't always get you anywhere.

    You could realize for instance that if you miss these people, you can make an effort to see them. You could make an effort to spend more time with them. You can make an effort to be the one to call them, instead of waiting around wondering when they're going to call you.

    Lastly you mention that you miss certain people, but find them annoying when they're actually present for any length of time.

    Your girl, for instance, you already know that you're going to be mean to her. Let me suggest that what you really yearn for is to have people want you. I don't think you actually want these people, just *some* people in general to want you, to want your company. When presented with the actual persons, you find reality to be less pleasant than your idealized fiction of how things ought to be.

    Well, ordinarily I'd say your problem isn't a huge one, but you seem to be troubled by your high emotional reaction to perceived loss. I think you need to examine yourself, some self-reflection will be pretty useful here.

    Also, it might help to realize that you never really say goodbye, unless you WANT to. Just because you move out, doesn't mean you can't call them up, meet up for coffee, movies, drinks, football, etc. etc. People are only more or less distant (its all relative, by degrees) unless you decide to cut off contact. Remember, you can make the effort to keep in touch if you wish it.
  4. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Apr 11, 2001
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    lovely orlando
    i'm probably the least emotional person (especially girl) out there. i hardly cry, in fact i can count on 1 hand those that have. it depends on the person and the relationship i have with them as to how i react when i leave. time is another factor. i find myself getting depressed more, after i leave, when i spend a month or so (as i do during christmas) than during a week or so. :dunno:

    goodbyes don't have to be forever, but it's up to you to make some effort to continue the friendship, regardless the distance. i've been friends with people for over 3 years, and the majority of that time was 1500 miles away. :hs:

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