SRS I hate being Chemically Imbalanced

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mace Windu, Sep 7, 2005.

  1. Mace Windu

    Mace Windu OT's Resident Pile of Awesome

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    Hey all. :wavey: This is my first time posting in here. I'm actually a little nervous. But here goes.

    Tonight I was talking to my girlfriend, you may have seen the thread about me and her going to Carowinds today, but we were just chatting. Well I started to get down for no reason. I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance a few years ago. That was when I was cutting on myself and attempting suicide. I got put on some meds (celexia) that made me real sick. So I stopped taking them after a few months. I'm normally fine, but sometimes I get down. Tonight was bad. I put up this away message:

    Then I went to sharpen a knife I have on my table. My girlfriend starts to flip out. She has a slight problem with cutting too. But she has stopped for me. But I started to cut, I didn't draw blood this time, but OMG my left arm hurts bad. She told me to stop or she would start cutting again. Well that worked. And she calmed me down. She asked me what was wrong and I told her about my chemical imbalance and how my heart told me that she loves me but my mind wanted to think otherwise. She told me that my mind was completely wrong and that she loves me and wants to be with me. That helped so much. I cried a lot too. Then I took a shower and started to feel quite a bit better.

    I feel kinda bad that I upset her. She has forgiven me and reassured me about us too. But it seems to me that I am the stereotypical male who is insecure.

    I'm just looking for a bit of support from my fellow serious OTers.
     
  2. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Just because Celexa didn't work doesn't mean you should stop trying to fix a potentially fatal disorder.

    It took Paxil 6 months to REALLY work for me. But it fixed the disbalance. I have been trying to taper off it but I have realised that I will go back into my previous state by doing so, setting back years of progress...
     
  3. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest

    I hope you find something that works. I went through pretty much every pill before giving up. But I know that they work well for others... so hopefully you can find one that works.

    That reminded me of my last relationship. I'd never ever been into, let alone understood the whole cutting thing. But my last ex was into it. Not just scratching, but horrible deep wounds. Somehow her neurosis rubbed off on me, and the next thing I knew I was carving the hell out of myself. I remember us making that 'promise' to each other... if you don't do it, I won't. But we could never hold up our end of the deal.

    Hopefully the two of you can work things out. For us... despite how madly in love we were... we realized we made eachother worse- and needed to end things.

    Good luck.
     
  4. Mace Windu

    Mace Windu OT's Resident Pile of Awesome

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    She told me that if I started cutting, she would start again. We are both doing pretty good about not cutting. I was going a couple of years and she is at around a month now. She cuts when she gets really upset, which is when her dad or grandpa gets real upset at her. But She helped me out so much last night. We are both good for each other, where one is weak, the other is strong. And right now, she is being strong for both of us. I :love: her.

    But to let you all know, I am doing pretty good today. The cuts on my arms are healing up good. And this weekend my girlfriend is coming over and I'm going to give her the knife that I was using and tell her to keep it from me. I know she will be happy about that.
     
  5. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    cutting is a disasterous cycle bro.. you need to stop that for the both of you.

    seriously, talk to a doc about another anti-depressant if you're constantly feeling bad enough to cut.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    What you have to do is to reinforce your life and the things that you stand for. No more psycho crap ok? Imagine yourself being locked in a room , what helps better cutting yourself or a key to get out? You need to find the key in your life that unlocks the door which makes you leave your problems behind you. You see problems are like puzzles that you have to solve, a problem will remain a problem till the end of time until you solve it, and its the same thing with all the issues you have to deal and solve them one by one by having a get up n go attitude, life doesn't give you happyness spontanious , happyness is as a result of the love and help that you give to others in your life. http://www.near-death.com/forum/nde/000/93.html
     
  7. Mace Windu

    Mace Windu OT's Resident Pile of Awesome

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    :hug: Thanks. Thanks all.

    I'll work on trying to solve this puzzle. And I do agree with happyness is a result of love. I am the happiest with my g/f. The love we have for each other is just wonderful. She has helped me a ton with my problems. Unlike one of my previous g/fs. One g/f left me when I needed her most. But my current g/f is standing right beside me on all this.
     

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