I got 99 problems and a bitch is one

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Secret Agent Man, Sep 14, 2009.

  1. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

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    Long back story summarized in a couple sentences: She was one of my best friends in college, completely friendzoned, but I was really into her. She knew it, but I had to tell her before we graduated anyway. She turned me down, which I knew she was going to do, because she was into some other guy. We graduate, 2+ years go by without much contact. She recently broke up with her boyfriend (the guy she turned me down for) and we hung out for the first time in a long time over the weekend, along with a couple mutual friends.


    So, here's the issue. Sorry, I know it's long, but fuck it, read it or don't, I don't really care. The main topic of discussion between the two of us that night was about us potentially getting together. She seemed very confident that we had a future together, saying stuff like "we're perfect for each other" and talking about how it was good we never went out in college because it wouldn't have lasted. She was very affectionate and touchy-feely, and we stayed up all night, talking about various things. We wound up falling asleep when the sun started to come up because I was tired as hell. Yes, there was a lot of alcohol involved, but it was similar the next day when we were both sober. I didn't make a move, although maybe I should have, but whatever, we talked about how neither of us would want a one night stand. There was never any real closure to the conversations, it was just a lot of open-ended stuff.

    My main problem is, how am I supposed to go into that without feeling like the backup plan? 2 1/2 years ago this was exactly what I wanted. But she turned me down for this guy, went out with him for over 2 years, and now comes to me when she realized she was wasting her time with him. We hardly talked the whole time she was with him (he didn't let her see me at all), and at one point I was somewhat sure I wouldn't hear from her again.

    What would OT do in this position? If we did wind up getting together, I'm pretty sure it would last. She's one of the few people I've ever felt a real connection with, but I'm having trouble with this whole Plan B feeling, you know? I'm mostly just venting, but any advice or comments from people with similar experiences would be cool. :hsd:
     
  2. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    So shes never really done anything wrong to you?

    She was always a good friend?

    Yeah you were friendzoned but you both knew it. And you may have not been 'ok' with that, but you were contempt enough to leave it be as you saw her as a good friend/person.

    2 years have gone by, she may see something in you now she didnt before? Maybe theres something now thats changed from 2 years ago that you didnt notice?


    The only regrets people ever have in life are the chances they dont take

    :dunno:
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Why did she and the last guy break up?
     
  4. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

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    He's pretty much a useless sack of shit... Lost his job, she supported him for a while, he never really had any motivation or anything. He mooched off his parents and just drifted through life getting high all the time. Similar to how I was in college, but I grew the fuck up. She got him a job recently with her uncle, and he just started going to class again, but apparently it was too little too late.

    Although I have that other feeling like what if he comes calling in a few weeks, apologizes, and tries to show that he's changed, and she goes for it? That would fuck my shit up. I didn't take it very well the first time, despite knowing she was going to say no. :o
     
  5. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    your problem? she views you as a female and not a man with a big penis that she wants you to insert inside of her baby maker because you get drunk and stay up all night talking to her like a fucking female instead of shoving your god damn lap dog tongue into one of her multiple easily acceptable fuck holes.



    FUCK.
     
  6. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Shes not over him in a week or two if thats how recent its been.
     
  7. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Quit being a bitch and take it one step at a time. There's no way to tell if you're the back up plan or not. It depends on how her last relationship ended. She wants something now, you want something now.

    What's the problem? Proceed, just be careful. One step at a time, one day at a time.
    s
     
  8. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    .
     
  9. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

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    Yeah, she was one of my best friends, we were always very compatible, we both knew it. It's not like she had no feelings for me in college. At the time she told me she was just stuck on this other guy.

    And have things changed? Oh hell yeah. I've dramatically improved myself over the past few years... In better shape, quit smoking pot, steady job, law school at night, I'm all responsible and shit. It's weird. :rofl:
     
  10. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

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    :rofl:
     
  11. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

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    It's been like a month I think, but the breakup has been a long time coming... She called me back in the spring at like fucking 4AM (first time I heard from her in months, I wouldn't have even answered if she didn't call like 5 times), crying and talking all sorts of shit about how she needed to break up with him. I didn't really give a shit, our friendship was pretty much nonexistent at the time, I told her to do whatever she wanted to do.
     
  12. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Well, you need to know if she's over him or not. I take it the break up was bad? I know that 2 weeks after my Ex and I broke up I was dating other people. I was ready, our relationship had actually ended 6 months prior, it just took that long to cut the chord. If she's ready, go for it. If she's not, it'll be easy to tell and just stick around, FUCK HER (for fuck's sake), and kinda keep some distance but that's gonna have to be a judgement call. You obviously don't want to be the rebound.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Damn, this is what I was afraid of.

    Sounds like it took her 2 years with a shitty guy in a shitty relationship to realize you were the stable (aka-lawyer in training who will have money eventually) rock she needed...but didn't want sexually before.

    Sigh...I always fucking hate these situations, because there's a billion teen sex comedies where a nice sweet guy pines over the hot chick who picks the hot douche over him (every single time). Then, once she's used up and feeling insecure she "see's the light" :rolleyes: and says "oh my gosh! I needed the sweet guy all along!"

    Do whatever you want man. I can understand feeling regret not just trying to get with her, but personally I'm the kind of person who knows deep down I'd never forget I was the person they settled for :sad2:
     
  14. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

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    :rofl: Yeah, that's something to work on this weekend... I probably could have on Friday, but I was playing it cautious because I honestly don't want a drunken one night stand with her. I'm busy as fuck with work and school though, so I only get one night free every week. :hs:
     
  15. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    all joking aside, she did not/does not view you as a sexual creature through mistakes of your own
     
  16. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

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    Yeah, that's the part that's fucking me up... And I'll just directly confront her about it next time I see her. Because fuck playing games, I'm so sick of that immature bullshit. I figure depending on how she reacts to that, it'll determine how/if I proceed. :hsd:
     
  17. Secret Agent Man

    Secret Agent Man New Member

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    Did not. Does now (apparently). And yeah, that's my bad, because she had a long-term boyfriend back home in college, and I was too respectful to make a move and get her to cheat on him (which she would have at one point). By the time she broke up with him we had been really close for over a year, and it was all friendzone from there. :o
     
  18. vizyn

    vizyn New Member

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    This just about sums up my thoughts on it. Does she really want you and think that you're right for her, or does she want you because she knows you were into her and needs/wants someone to help her heal/mend?
     
  19. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    :werd:
    Sadly I am that way too and it has cost me some really good friendships, but whatever, you gotta do what is best for you and not just always settle for things in life.
     
  20. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    I'd rather die than be a second option for someone honestly.
     
  21. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Obviously i rarely follow what I have said in the past.
     
  22. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    :bowdown:

    +1

    This girl doesn't sound like much of a winner, there are others out there waiting to be found.
     
  23. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    If he hasn't been found in 2 years or so, chances are slim for any success in the very near future.
     
  24. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I don't get this line of thinking... I don't see it as her settling. She discovered that the guy who was "the best" is no longer in contention so she has to see if she can find someone to be at the top.

    The entire dating scene is just trying to find the best.







    However, I'm guessing this is a typical scenario where girl leaves guy A. Feels bad, has no one to shower her with the attention she wants. She calls up guy B knowing he'll probably fill the void since he used to be hot for her. She uses guy B until she finds guy C, and guy B is left :wtcj:

    It's not uncommon in this scenario for the girl to give guy B hope at a relationship and or hitting it. She'll use the "just got out of a relationship, I want to take this really slow" and possibly "lets not label this as anything, and do me a favour and don't tell anyone about us". Then when guy B is all happy that he finally got the girl, she'll ditch him for guy C.
     
  25. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    If this asinine statement were true, then things aren't looking so hot for you either. :mamoru:

    It's never too late to become self actualized, and there isn't a time limit on finding love.

    He is also idealizing/crushing on this girl. If he gets into a relationship with her, the nitty gritty of a day-to-day relationship, with the history of her dating a loser would not bode well for their relationship, if secret agent man had self respect.

    And it sounds like he might.
     

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