SRS I fell off...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Create, Apr 30, 2006.

  1. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    ...the bandwagon for the first time since I've been serious about this. What a mess, ammends are going to take a few days.

    New goal, top priority: Get a sponsor.

    Wish me luck.
     
  2. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    Don't beat yourself up too much. It happens.

    Realize what put you over and share it with us. We all need to be reminded of the triggers and how to deal with them.

    Good luck
     
  3. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    I know what it was. I'd rationalized going to the bar without drinking as a short-term band-aid for deeper feelings of lonliness. I have friends, but not close ones like I did a few years back. I've also put a relationship on hold to give me unclouded, sober time to work on myself. This also contributes to the feeling of lonliness. I need to find a peace with self in the absence of others before I can really be part of a meaningful relationship.

    Go to the bar without drinking...Well, the good things I can take from the night is two pieces of knowledge: 1. I am not in a position to judge my progress in recovery, and 2. I'm not strong enough yet to face the environmental triggers of a bar.

    I know the bartender from way back when. He had a drink in front of me before I made it to the bar to order.

    The oddest thing is that, looking back, I see myself slowly rationalizing the idea of going over the course of literally hours. I need to halt that line of thought in it's early stages. I wish I'd had a sponsor to call.
     
  4. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    A relapse can begin months before you pick up. I know guys with a pocketful of numbers that totally ignore them once their mind is made up to use.

    You don't need a sponsor to make a call. If you go to meetings you should have a boatload of numbers by now. Just start calling until you find someone that can help. I'd PM you my number but I need to clear it with my sponsor first. (I'm still fairly new to the program)
     
  5. raikou

    raikou New Member

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    I wish you well :) I have been there, I am glad you are back to meetings
     
  6. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    I'm 800 miles from home and my sponsor is calling me to make sure I'm ok. :eek3: This guy is a pita at times as he has such little faith in me, but then, that's his role. It's good for me, I think. Results are what count and the result so far has been my sobriety.

    So many threads abandoned...
     
  7. OneRM

    OneRM New Member

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    still hanging in there?
     
  8. anomaly

    anomaly If you weren't around for the original HA.net spli

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    While that sucks, you are no where near the point of making amends man. The 9th step is where it is for a reason. Think about how many times you've said you were sorry already, why should anyone trust your word at this point?

    Just get a sponsor and do a 90 in 90, you are years away from direct amends man.
     

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