SRS I feel so awful right now

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kerberos, Aug 31, 2005.

  1. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Seriously, the two girls which I was interested in both told me today, about 4 hours apart that they had a boyfriend, they both had started seeing recently. That was so awful. I still feel bad.

    The first one, I didn't really mind since I wasn't that interested in her anyways, it was her flirting with me.

    It's the second girl that I feel so bad about. She had shown some interest, I totally screwed up by not talking to her, she said we should just be friends then she talks to me recently about how she feels fucked up that all her friends are leaving her because she has a new boyfriend. My jaw fell, I was so heartbroken but I didn't say anything about it. Although, I don't remember why but I started talking to her about my whole life as I wrote in another thread. I never let her on that I was upset that she was seeing this guy. I feel so awful, someone please make me feel better....:sadwavey::sad2::ughd:
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2005
  2. ephemeral

    ephemeral New Member

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    well first of all, if her relationship is recent like you say, then who says it's even gonna work out? you may still have a chance..
    second of all, have you asked yourself why you want to be involved with someone so badly (or so it seems)? maybe you'll realize that you don't necessarily need that in your life anyway and that might make it easier to get over the both of them.
     
  3. Mel Gibson

    Mel Gibson New Member

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    Cheer up, how ald are you? I know this is cliche but there are plenty of fish out in the sea. I think you should just suck it up and forget about them. As I always say everything happens for a reason. You may find someone way better than her. Some one always shows up while you are not looking. Just think of what you did wrong an try not to do it again, you live and learn by experience, you seem like a sweet guy and I'm sure you will find some one quickly.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    THe problem is you took to long , you should be more oppertunistic. Also you should really love the person before you go into a relationship otherwhise its pretty meaningless. Only love can make you happy in life, nothing else can. Now be carefull with other people's feelings, and know that life is too short to wait.
     
  5. JW2

    JW2 New Member

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    I'm kinda in the same boat. The girl I have been seeing for the past 5 or 6 weeks (I've posted about on here before - everything "worked" out in the end regarding that, btw) told me last night that she met someone else and wants to see him exclusively. Apparently she met him last week, if she is to be believed. This was a totally new and out of the blue person. She had been cancelling our plans over the weekend so I knew something was up so I really didn't talk to her much. Then she cancelled the plans we had tomorrow to go to see a concert and spend the night at my house.

    Well I sorta saw all of this coming, but last night she said that she was worried that I would hate her and has felt bad about it all week (yea right), and that it was completely unexpected and unplanned, but she had met this new guy when she went out with her friends a week ago or something. Well I basically told her that things like this happen and it's out of anyone's control now, but if she wasn't really into me she should have said something. Well she said "obviously I was into you, but I dunno. I'm just weird I guess." or something to that effect. She said she still wants to be friends but I'm not sure if I am willing to do that or not. I don't want to put myself through it to be quite honest with you. In that little time (5 weeks or so) I did feel pretty connected to her. She slept over at my house, we slept together, did various things together, etc. I made a mistake somewhere along the way, obviously, and she lost her interest I guess. It just sucks because so far I have never dated anyone I felt I liked better than her, for a number of reasons besides her looks.
     
  6. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    22, still a virgin, never had a girlfriend. I officially suck.
     
  7. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Although, what's hurting me more is that I have a feeling that she is bluffing about having a boyfriend. It's just funny that before yesterday I told her she was hot, then she immediately after changed her online name to "Whenever you think of me, I think of you". Then the following day, I come online, she comes online. Then I become idle, she becomes idle, then I come back online and she comes back 10 s later. She changes her user name to a sad face. I ask her what's wrong. It takes her about half and hour to respond. She says that she has a boyfriend and that her friends act weird. SHe then says that her boyfriend lives 7 hours away and comes visit her every weekend. (I mean come on, what kind of guy would drive 14 hours during the weekend to go see a girl). So I chat with her a bit. Then I stop chatting with her for a while, then she writes to me and asks what I'm doing then I ask her what she's doing and she says "Chatting with my boyfriend". I don't talk to her again for another 30 minutes and she again asks me what I'm doing. I mean, that's totally not her. She's the type who usually only talks to you when you talk to her. Then I go idle, and about 15 minutes later at 9:20 she also becomes idle. I mean what kind of girl only talks to her boyfriend until 9:20 at night particularly since it's apparently a new botfriend. Also, in the past she showed a bit of interest but she admitted to being very shy.
     
  8. B_RowL

    B_RowL OT Supporter

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    Rejection is inevitable...it happens to everyone, so get over it. Letting get to you will kill your confidence, which the opposite of what you want. I know this is easier said than done, but it is something that you have to learn to do.
     
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

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    So...you think her "boyfriend" is just an excuse. I'm inclined to agree with you.

    And so you'd prefer that she just come out and say right to your face that she does not want to date you?

    Why? Can't you allow her to save face for herself, AND for you too with this polite little white lie that everyone can see through?

    What's the point? I think secretly you feel that if she gave up the "boyfriend" story, then that's just one less obstacle to you winning her over.
    Cept that we both know there's nothing you can do.

    If she wanted you, practically speaking you wouldn't have to do ANYTHING.
    NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. That is as plain and raw and as true as you can get.

    If she wants you, she wants you. Just a smile and saying 'hi' will be enough of an opener.
    If she doesn't want you...then smile and nod and leave it alone. There's another girl just around the corner.
     
  10. rifleshooter

    rifleshooter New Member

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    Hey Kerberos... You can let this whole thing about having no girl eat you from the inside and end up depressed... Or you can simply find a hobby or project to occupy your time, and get on with life. Im not as old as you are, but I have never had a girlfriend, and Im fat and ugly, and I sweat like a pig... Like I said, If you do nothing but dwell on this, you will eventually end up as a miserable depressed person. I used to dwell on the same issue. Now when I look back I find that I also displayed signs of depression during that time. What changed is that I simply accepted the fact that some people "get some", and some people dont. While I may eventually "get some" in the future, I dont dwell on it in the present.
     
  11. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Basically, it was the first girl I ever asked out. And I really screwed up all around. First of all, I never realized that she was a shy girl. I tried talking to her at school all the time but she basically just answered whatever I asked her about, turned around and didn't talk again to me. At the same time, she gave me some signals. She would stare at me in class then turn around when I looked at her, she would invite me to tons of group events even though we were never even on speaking terms. I eventually sent her an e-mail message in the month of march, telling her to add me to MSN. She apparently told her friend (also my friend) that she thought it was weird that I never talked to her at school and would send her such an e-mail. My friend told me this but seemed to realise that I was trying to get the girl so he said to me that "She is not like other girls" hinting on that I wouldn't be able to get her the same way as other girls. This guy, I have to say, is a total player. Ugly dude but a total player who knows how to get the chicks. So basically, I started chatting with her online from that point on, in march this year. We had long conversations and she was really nice. At some point later though I told her that I had a crush on her. She only replied to me with "I don't know". So I took that as a rejection and moved on. That same weekend, I was going on a group activity and she was there. At that activity, I noticed that she was around me all the time. I mean we were walking from a comedy club to a bar and we were a group of about 20. When I would go to talk to someone in that group when we were there, I would then turn around and see her in my face, then I would go at the other end of the group and then a few seconds later I'd turn around and she was there. We walked for like 30 minutes, we got in a bar, I made sure to take a seat first. She went to sit down next to me but the seat was torn and she said in a low voice "I would have sat there" and she sat a little further than me. So I got a bit further from the group at that point and started talking with a friend. Sure enough two hot chicks come see me and tell me that I look like Jason Biggs and they want to take a picture with me. So I let them. (Apparently bar chicks love me since whenever I go to a bar I have a few hot chicks all over me but I never found drunk chicks to be attractive). Anyways, I go home early and the next morning when I get up I get an MSN message from the girl that says about 10 times that she wants me and she sends me kisses and such. So from that point on, I asked her out about a dozen time, every time she would say "I dunno" except for one time where she cancelled at the absolute last minute. In the few months that I would talk to her all the time on MSN, she let me believe that I was too good for her, that she was shy and a topic of conversation that would often come up would be why I never talked to her at school apparently: which wasn't true since I talked to her but she never responded. Also, she gave me her phone number and told me I could call her anytime. However, she would never answer the phone. Actually, she only answered once and seemed like totally giddy. I never managed to get her on the phone again. About two months ago, however, I tried to push her a bit, which was probably a bad idea. I asked her how she felt about me. She asked me to say first how I felt about her. I don't remember what I said but she responded that we should be friends. She never implied that we should ONLY be friends but it seemed important to her that we be friends before we go out. Anyways, I started being only friendly with her since from what I understood, she seemed shy and I wouldn't get anywhere with her until she was comfortable. But anyways, after that I screwed up twice. I'm not proud of that. First, I tried to pressure her by telling her that I had a girl at work that was flirting with me (which was true), then another time, I was pissed that she would never answer my phone calls so I just didn't talk to her for three weeks. When I contact her after this, she says she has a boyfriend as I described previously. She says she has been with this guy for 4 weeks now. But, it just doesn't seem her type to do something like this. Anyways, I think you guys are right that I should try to see other girls but I think I'll try to talk to her in person at school before hand when school starts.


    So to resume, I really felt that the girl was interested in me however the fact that I was inexperienced and shy and she was shy made it very difficult to get any relationship going. I also have a strong suspicion that her boyfriend story is just a way of getting back at me,
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I just want to say that often times the word "player" is used as a pejorative by those who are inexperienced with women.

    Now, a guy is only an asshole if he uses his skills to get, use, abuse and dump women.

    Being a "player" is not necessarily bad, if all a guy is doing, is being fun, open, confident and good times to hang around.

    Think about it in a non-sexual context:
    Wouldn't you love to have a really cool guy friend who does the same shit you do, has all the good passes to the good concerts, has the good hookups to the good parties and can get you in, knows awesome restaurants that are a real blast with great girls running around? Someone who's fun to hang around because something great is always going on?

    Sound fun? Does that make him a player? Yeah, I guess.
    Does that make him an asshole? Nope.

    You guys who are all moping about having no girls interested in you...could take a page or two out of the player's book.

    Stop and consider for a moment. Would YOU want to hang around YOU?
    Be honest.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well, it seems that she may well have been interested but unsure of what to do. Odd though that after SO MANY opportunities, it still didn't manage to happen.

    I honestly don't think she was that into you. Her flirting around may have been some mild arousal or perhaps amusement. But the fact that after so many invitations to dance (figuratively) she still chose not to be available to you, not to answer your calls, ...doesn't that say something to you?

    What is she, a NASA scientist that she's so busy she doesn't have time to meet you for coffee? Or chat in person? MSNing is somewhat illusory, ya know.

    Take heart though, this was actually a really good experience. You gained a lot from this little go-round, and you'll be in much better shape when you meet the next girl you're into.
     
  14. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Actually, she was working 1-40 hour a week job during the week and a part-time job over the weekend.
     
  15. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I never meant player in derogatory terms, he's a great guy. As for hanging out with myself, sometimes I've got it while sometimes I just don't. Sometimes I can be the most popular guy around while other times I can be the most hated. People love me when I'm arrogant, funny and self-confident. And I try to be like that most of the time. Other times however, people hate me for mainly those reasons: sometimes I can be depressive and whiny (like now) and often I'm just so good at everything and a bit too arrogant that people hate me for it. I would say I look great: I work out 5 times a week and I take care of myself, I'm skinny muscular. I'm somewhat funny, in a sarcastic way, and I always have a smile on my face. I've always had a ton of girls interested in me and I've often had girls flat out ask me out however I've always been extremely shy. I also tend to stay stuck on girls that are a bit too playerish.

    Overall, I think I'm a great guy, most of the time although I do have to work on certain aspects of my personality such as my shyness. Some people have told me that I have social phobia and I agree. This social phobia is what has prevented me from taking advantage of certain situations that arose.

    One of my worst problems right now is that I work and study in a predominantly male domain: software engineering. So, I don't meet a lot of women. I'd like to go out and meet women but I don't know where to go and I'm too shy to go alone. Any suggestions on this would be welcome.
     
  16. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    Find a club at the college to get involved in. Or the next time your out with you guy friends, introduce yourself to the cute waitress. Or just go to the mall, lots of girls there.
     

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