First off, im not an emotional person at all, i dont let feelings get the better of me (i have once with a girl, but that turned out badly so i swore i'd never do it again) and I have a shit ton of friends and people really close to me. Anyways, i just feel like I have nothing. Although I have alot of close friends, both female and male, i'm not satisfied. I've never had a girl friend, or a relationship of any sort, im always the really close friend, "That guy," or i date someone for a couple dates and i guess i'm not interesting enough for them, but i have been a little bit of a whore the last couple years. My feeling being, if i get them into bed the first night, they're too easy. No lie, i've had over 30 sexual partners (started 3 years ago, i'm 21) and not one has turned out into a relationship. I have calmed down both my whoreishness and my drinking (which used to be out of control bad, like go to school completely hammered drunk on a daily basis) alot (havent had sex with anyone in a couple months), which i am truly proud of. But as of last week, my dream job, which was to be an FDNY firefighter got shot down because I scored poorly on the test, so i relapsed kinda and drank myself stupid over the last 4 days. Today was my first sober day again and i'm just really depressed. I know everything is completly jumbled around, but i was just letting thoughts flow, plus this is my first asylum post. I hate getting all emotional, but hey, i guess i needed a release. I'm sure there is mnre, and it'll come out if you pry i think.