SRS I feel numb..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BwanaKuu, Aug 21, 2008.

  1. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    I have recently been feeling numb. I don't feel any emotions anymore. Even things that evoke strong emotions in normal people don't do anything. I register that something happens, but I don't feel the real emotions. Since I don't feel any emotions, I barely have any motivation to do anything anymore. All I really want to do is sleep. I've tried forcing myself to do things but nothing happens. There haven't been any real big changes recently in my life.

    I also seem to have a lot of constant thinking. My head seems to be this mindless jumble of ideas and thoughts. Maybe this is related?

    This isn't really related, but it's another problem I often think about. I'm 18, but throughout all of my life, I feel like I'm only following my parents. I always just did what they told me to do, worked hard in school and got good grades, but I feel like in the process, I have no fucking clue what I want. I feel like I don't know who I really am. I have no real desires, I'm only going to College because I'm "supposed" to.
     
  2. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Depressed, go see a doctor.
     
  3. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    Is it depression? I thought that was when you always felt sad and down? :dunno: I am thinking of seeing someone though because I feel like I'm not going to be able to fix this on my own but was seeing if I could at least try to if anyone had any suggestions. :hs:
     
  4. michael

    michael FLORIDA > *

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    It's clinical depression. See someone sooner than later...the part about you being 18, etc.. sometimes the maturation of a person will trigger the onset of depression, anxiety, loss of self-worth, realization of mortality, etc. Welcome to growing up :hs:
     
  5. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    No. Clinical depression isn't "feeling down". It doesn't make sense to most people, but that's the name for the condition.

    Before you go see a doctor, get on a regular sleep and exercise schedule and eat decent food. Try that for a month and see if it helps. Some good hard strenuous exercise every other day will do wonders for your outlook on life.
     
  6. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    God I hate these, 'oh excersize can fix you right up' people.

    Excersizing certainly won't hurt you, but if you are clinicaly depressed then excersize won't cure you either. You will get a high from the excersize that will last for a couple of hours, then you will fall down - hard.

    Go see a doctor. Excersize is good, but a doctor is what is important.
     
  7. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    I already run everyday for 45 minutes+. :hs: I could try eating a bit healthier and sleeping better, but I'm better with both of these than your average person so I'm not sure if that will help much. I don't even feel anything after my runs now, I used to either feel energized or have a sense of satisfaction from completing it, but now I just feel the same numbness. It's incredibly hard for me to force myself out the door.
     
  8. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Yes, overmedication is the key to a happy life. Don't worry about trying to live the kind of life your body was built for. Pills will fix it all!
     
  9. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Then you're one of the rare ones that might actually have an internal pressure causing clinical depression. Personally, I'd try some heavy weight training, but a doc might be the right call.
     
  10. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    I think I might be because I've been "depressed" before (in the sense that people usually describe it as being down and sad) but I got out of that through life changes. This seemed to just sort of happen when I started thinking too much. And I've tried a lot of things but nothing seems to really get rid of this numbness. It's so frustrating (or I know it's frustrating) because I know I should be feeling something, but it just doesn't happen.

    I've always been scared of meds because of the stories of people becoming suicidal or emotionless zombies (well, guess I'm already that...) when they go on them. I'm wondering if maybe it would help me though because I feel that a lot of people go on them for the wrong reasons and don't really need them (don't have a chemical imbalance) so they only get fucked up by them. I guess it's worth a shot at this point. :dunno:

    I have a problem though, I'm leaving for college this weekend so it's going to be kind of hard to do anything about this within the next week or so (too much going on). If I go to my school's counseling service, would they be able to point me towards a psychologist/psychiatrist?
     
  11. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    i dont think you need medicine. maybe its just a cycle or something else is bothering you that is causing you to feel numb. exercise definitly will help. try MEDITATION. not medication. You say that you are over thinking. what are you thinking about? let us know. maybe write down what you are thinking.
     
  12. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    My point exactly.
    I was a long distance cyclist throughout the worst years of my depression.

    According to what certain people would tell you I shouldn't have been depressed at all - I was exercising like nuts.

    That is why these people offend me. They know what works for them (because they are NOT clinically depressed. What is wrong with me is biological, or rather biochemical - they are just sad) and they INSIST they know what I am going through and insist that there way is the only true way.

    My doctor once put depression in perspective for me.

    He said that getting depressed is a normal and healthy way we have to react to the stresses and decisions we make in our lives.
    As an example, if your Mom dies you get depressed. There is nothing abnormal about you getting depressed over this.
    Your body has these tools to tell you that things are seriously fucked up.

    What happens to people like me is we get depressed and then never come out of the cycle. Or things that shouldn't cause us to get depressed trigger the depression.

    He said that when treating people the trick is to know the difference between healthy depression and abnormally depressed behavior.

    And to address the idea that we over medicate....
    You realize that there are shrinks who CANNOT PRESCRIBE AND ONLY DO TALK THERAPY.

    These guys are great. Trick is finding someone you can identify with.
     
  13. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    You just get sad and think you can identify.

    You can't. You don't know the hell we have been through. You can't imagine it and you cannot identify with it. If lifting a couple of weights makes you feel better then you are not in the same league with us.
     
  14. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    I can see where you're coming from. I go to college because I want to, not because I was told to, which makes it feel like less of a chore.
     
  15. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    I'm sure they can. They can probably help you find decent service at a good price through the school too.
     
  16. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Dude, shut the hell up and troll somewhere else.
     
  17. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    A different tack - and one the shrink better ask you before pulling out their pad: What are your goals in life, medium and long term, and what are you doing to meet them. Rephrased, what are you looking forward to in the next month?
     
  18. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    I'm not looking forward to anything. College will offer a bit of a change, but I fear that this numbness is just going to keep going but maybe it will subside. I have absolutely no goals in life right now because nothing brings me any sort of emotion. Since I don't feel anything if I accomplish something then what the fuck is the point of a goal? :hsd:

    I'm honestly pretty bad-mediocre at everything. The only place I ever showed above-average talent was in music, but I still wasn't that good and ended up quiting when it became more about working for hours on end to get the technical aspects down instead of just enjoying playing the music. Beyond that, not much else really. I've come to accept that some people just aren't that talented naturally and have to work hard to even do decently well. I've had to work my ass off for the past 4 years to keep my high GPA (I went to a very tough private HS), so I don't think it's a lack of motivation... Hell I'll go through with the hard work (it actually doesn't bother me as much anymore because I don't feel the stress from it) but I don't feel any sense of accomplishment. None at all.

    Where do I see my future self? Well, before I got into this state, I had a ton of things I wanted to do like get a job I enjoyed doing but also paid well, getting a gf, and trying out a lot of new hobbies which unfortunately cost a lot of dollars to get involved in. I was starting to get into cars so I wanted to eventually get a "weekend" car to fool around with. However, I have no clue what direction to put myself in. But none of that really matters now because I no longer have the desire to do any of those things. I just want to fall asleep so that I can temporarily get rid of the numbness.

    The only major goal I have right now is to get out of this state so that I can feel again and start finding some new goals to accomplish.

    My goals in life used to be so simple and they were what drove me, I just worked hard in school so I could get into a good college so I could get into a good grad school so I could get a good job. That's really all I cared about. But when I realized that was a pretty stupid goal since just because I do well in school doesn't mean I'll end up with a good job, I realized that I had to find something that I also enjoyed doing or was good at. But I have no idea what that is.

    Nobody has ever discouraged me. They've only encouraged me. Especially my parents. However, I feel like I've only been doing what they tell me to do like work hard in school and haven't really ever done much for myself, on my own initiative (only thing was taking up running). I'm sure my parents would support me in anything I choose to do.

    Things are also probably going to be extremely difficult for me in college because my ability to memorize has decreased greatly ever since I got into this state. :hs:

    I actually did think of another area where I've shown talent: creativity. I used to be able to think visually very easily and my imagination would always constantly be churning out new ideas. However, with this state of numbness my creativity has disappeared completely. Hell, I used to be able to listen to songs and instantly, my own version of a music video would just appear in my head :mamoru:. Or I'd suddenly come up with some movie idea and almost instantly piece together a trailer for it, music included. I used to love doing this also. But it's all gone now. :hs:

    Maybe I do have some sort of talent that I just don't know of or I'm overlooking? Not that this will really help me get out of this numbness, but it might at least give me some direction to move in. How could I go about discovering my talents.

    Someone asked about what my thoughts are about... I don't really know how to sum it all up. I actually have been writing them down in a word document, but I'm constantly going all over the place that I'll look back at it and not much will make sense. A lot is about attitudes towards life or how to live life I guess? It's like I keep trying to figure out this one answer to life or something. A lot are also about trying to define my identity and my personality. It's like I don't know who I really am so I keep trying to define who I should be (mostly based on what I've observed in other people). But none of it really feels like "me". It all just feels like I'm trying to define myself as someone else and take on their personality, but that's not the true me. I feel like I have no idea who the true me really is. The thoughts have kind of died down now though since I just keep trying to distract myself, but the numbness is still there.

    Sorry for the long post and thanks for all the replies so far. :wavey:
     
  19. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    I think we're on to something here.

    Well you're in the right spot to find something you like. Going off to college is all about new experiences. Try everything you come across, as long as it doesn't burn bridges (and maybe even then). You can't magically make yourself feel excited about it, but you might find something that excites you.
     
  20. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    Just got back from my run and I think I might have figured out why I've been feeling numb. I think I was becoming incredibly obsessive with my thoughts, constantly focusing on finding this perfect answer or something. I'm thinking this might have fucked with my head a bit too much. Now that I've stopped focusing on those obsessive thoughts, I don't feel quite as numb. I have no clue why I was thinking the way I was... I kept trying to find some sort of secret to life or something like that. I also felt like I had to... prove myself to the world? I felt like I need to be known for something? I'm not sure why I was thinking that, it might be a remnant from my younger years when I was constantly upset by other people when they were just joking around and felt like I had to become someone amazing so they wouldn't bash me anymore. :ugh: Oh well, I'm over that now.

    And since I stopped focusing on that, I kind of realized that I DO have some skills and abilities and realized a little about myself. Plus I've also started revisiting old ideas and small goals I had for myself and I'm kind of starting to feel a little excitement. The numbness isn't completely gone, but I think it might just take some time.

    Here are the things I realized about myself:
    1. Better at one-on-one or small group activities (although I used to act and perform in front of crowds when i was younger and never really had stage fright)
    2. People often come to me for help and I always like helping them out and feeling appreciated for helping them (I'm pretty easy to approach)
    3. A bit shy at first, but I tend to open up the more I get to know someone
    4. Very hard worker
    5. I can get kind of competitive if put into a competitive situation, hell I actually love competition and would probably do something competitive like a sport if I had the natural talent
    6. Organized - I generally like to keep everything in its right place and take care of my stuff
    7. I always prefer to be prepared than trying to come up with something on the spot... I am very compulsive when preparing things like a presentation, I have to know every little bit of information
    8. Although I prefer to be prepared, I also like being kept on my toes and being in constant action, so long as I've been prepared beforehand
    9. I'm a fairly slow learner at first, it usually takes me awhile to get the basics down but once I do, I seem to learn the rest fairly quickly

    Can anyone think of a good area to start looking into that would be a good fit for me? :x:
     
  21. DAD DICK

    DAD DICK MAKE AMERICA GROPE AGAIN OT Supporter

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    Things are looking up. You just have to see them. Sounds good, enjoy college!
     
  22. SirBoss7

    SirBoss7 Life is a tragedy to those who feel and a comedy t

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    About a week ago, I had two days where I just slept all day. I didnt feel like doing anything. Then got out of my rut, talked to friends, talked to some officers that have been like mentors to me, and just kept up my daily routine that I've had for the past 2 years now. In the end, just realized I'm surrounded by really good people, high caliber, and that I haven't changed. Still the same merry old person.

    I've been threatened to be put on meds so many times by parents, but I'll never take them. I know I can get myself through these things, and only makes me more resilient for it.
     
  23. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Good luck with that.
    I had that attitude for 10 years of my life.
    10 wasted years.

    Wasn't until I gave in and started seeing a shrink and taking some minor medications that I got a grip on my demons.
     
  24. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I am not the troll.

    You show up in these threads recomending that people don't take medication and don't go to see a doctor. You actually recommend they get a gym membership before seeing a shrink.

    People like you...
    The funny thing is, if you were trolling a sub forum about cancer people would be rightfully laughing at you.
    They would be saying, 'hey my right arm is about ready to fall off and this jackass wants me to join a gym membership, I NEED A FUCKING DOCTOR NOT A WORKOUT!'.

    You would be saying, 'well that tumor is CAUSED BY YOU NOT JOGGING ENOUGH AND TAKING TOO MANY ASPIRIN.'.

    But the problem is there is such a misconception about mental health in our society, such a stigma that people that need a doctor are too embarrased to search one out.

    Then some jerk like you comes along....

    I should know. I listened to jerks like you for 10 years, spent 10 years riding my bike hundereds of miles all the while unable to get anywhere with this demon.

    I finally gave in, saw a shrink, got on some medication now a few short years later I am crossing off goals in my life that were unimaginable during those 10 years.
     
  25. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Seriously, go whine at someone else. This thread isn't the place for it.
     

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