SRS i feel like such a loser

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Maos, May 27, 2007.

  1. Maos

    Maos New Member

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    I have very few friends. My "best friends" aren't really my best friends. One lies to me and backstabs me. The other rips me off and just doesn't seem to care about me. It's not that i want to be Miss Popular. I don't. I'm the quiet and calm type. It's strange; I like being by myself, but at the same time, i want to be more popular.
    Another thing is guys. At first, they're all so nice and give me all these hints that they like me. Then, either they only think of me as a friend, take me for granted, or they just like someone else after. It hurts a lot.
    Another thing about me is that i get tense, nervous, and stresses out very easily. I fidget a lot, and it's very easy to tell. People tell me i look nervous and stuff like that. It's such a bad thing, i really hate that about myself, but i can't help it, i've been like this since i was born. It's getting in the way of things, obviously.
    Last thing is my job. I'm quite bad in my job. I don't think it has to do with stupidity, but more with clumsiness and carelessness. Since i get tense, nervous, and stressed easily, it's easy to understand that i also care A LOT about what other people think of me. I get sad easily if people think bad about me. Since i'm bad in my job, i'm sure the people i work with don't really like me. I want to quit because i don't like it if people don't like me there.
    I'm feeling quite depressed. I don't see the point of living when all it brings is sadness:sadwavey:
     
  2. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    That sucks, but thats not reason to kill yourself because these are problems you can solve.

    I was a nervous kid too, and it sucks because people will take advantage of you, and even if they're not it still feels like they are. My therapist and I called this the self fullfilling prophesy. When I was nervous or angry, I would attribute it to people around me "making" me nervous or angry. My mind came up with ways that they made me feel this way, when really they had little to do with the way I was feeling. However, when people picked up that I was attributing my bad emotions to them, they started avoiding me and being mean to me because now they saw me as an asshole, since they didn't do anything wrong but I alluded that they did.

    Try to slow down your movements, concentrate on your breathing, and find ways to self talk yourself to calm down. In your head when you say "people hate me because I scew up" you start to believe it and your emotions start to go sour. Instead think "I made a mistake, but its not a big deal and I will correct it."

    Try eating things like oatmeal every morning. It helps keep your blood sugar from spiking which can cause you to fidget and appear and feel more nervous.

    Above all, find yourself a therapist you feel you can trust, and talk about these things. They will improve your self talk and your outlook and help you lead a better life. You might realize that your friends actually do care about you and you don't see it, or they really are backstabbing you and you need to find ways to make new ones who will care about you.
     
  3. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I feel for you and I hope you will soon discover that this is things that can be changed for the better.

    When someone tell you something negative, try not to take it personal but rather in a constructive way and disregard the comments that are uncalled for and simply aimed to make you feel worse. Take yourself some time and do alittle research regarding your job, try to train yourself, improve yourself. It's a really good feeling you get when you do a good job. And don't think too much about messing up when you're doing a task. I've found it's when I'm too worried about something I will make a mistake. Learn to trust yourself, even when you aren't completely sure. Soon enough your self reliance will grow. Made a mistake? Don't worry about it and don't let it work you up. Everyone makes mistakes, we just try to learn from them and do it better next time.

    I'm not sure how old you are, but in my case most of the friends I had when I was in school were never really my friends except a few. We we're just helping eachother out while we we're stuck in the same place, the moment we wore done, we went seperate ways. Like temporary placeholders. It seems to me that the true friends you get that stay in your life are recieved sometime after you're done with school and start your working life.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Aww, you just sound very young and insecure, which is normal, but only you can remedy these problems. They might not be easy or fast fixes, but you will be much better off in life all around if you do them.

    I'm assuming your "best friends" are girls. Girls are sometimes a hard bunch to befriend because we do have the tendency to back stab, talk shit, etc. However, this doesn't mean you have to be friends with them. You honestly need to weed these girls out of your life because they only bring you down and make you think worse of yourself. The good thing is you say you are ok with being alone. I am the same way. Dump them as friends and slowly but surely try to make new and better friends.

    With guys, well....they tend to feed off the weaker ones. What I'm saying is you've admitted that you are very submissive, and if you show no backbone to a guy he's just going to walk all over you. You can't let this happen honey. Most guys like a girl that will speak her mind and be able to stick up for herself. But most importantly, guys hate insecure girls. You need to start thinking about yourself more and putting yourself in the number #1 spot in how you do things.

    I think with this mentality you will also feel better at work. Maybe not at your current job in which case if you feel it's too late then quit! Find a new job that you feel more confident in all around. Start fresh.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    For now, just two things.

    1) things will get better if you let them.
    2) visit here more often until they do. Check in every day. Don't harm yourself and miss out on what is going to be a great life.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    My first thought is that you need to get rid of your friends, its better to be alone then to be with friends that hurt you. You should get yourself friends(boyfriends) who love you for who you are, and fyi you are just being used by the guys and girls that you know now. People can use you only if you 'allow' them to use you, that's why You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

    (read:doormat)

    The next thing i urge you is to bring the power of your life back where it belongs , namely in YOUR hands. Look hon there's 6 billion people on this planet, they all want you to be what they want you to be. You cannot possibly satisfy them all, so why would you care about what they think?

    Same counts for your urge to be more popular, you care only to be popular so that other people would think better of you, only so that you are able to live a normal life. Or in other words you don't care about being popular , you just want other people to love and care for you, without thinking ill of you. And then we come down to your selfesteem , because you put the power of your life in other people's hands, they can play with your feelings like a soccer ball, which actually was a point where you should say 'halt, to here and no further, i do not allow this to happen to me, because i love myself and will not allow people to walk over me'

    If you where like that you wouldn't give a damn about what other people think of you, you see if i think bad about you then its ME who has a problem, not you. I should have accepted you for who you are. So if someone doesn't accept you for who you are, to hell with them. This is the point where you close your castle gate.

    Do not let your actions speak of irrational and absurd fear, what is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that. Cast off your fear! Look forward! Go forward! Never stand still. Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die.

    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    From there it also doesn't matter wether you let everything fall, heck even if the whole building collapses, that's not important, you stick your hands into the fire for what you stand for , you believe in yourself and no matter if things go right or wrong you will do everything in your power to make it right, that is the course, and that is where you will go.
     
  7. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    try therapy, if you can afford it, or look at a gov't based counseling service if you have no insurance

    deep breathing, also bach's flower remedy, available at vitamin shops, is a great little solution to nervousness. it's a natural liquid that you drip under your tongue to help you relax.

    yoga is a good way to center yourself

    can i ask how old you are? are you in school? what do you do for work? any spiritual affiliation? all these factors play into your feelings.
     
  8. obnxsh

    obnxsh New Member

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    I am going through the same thing at the moment, All the people who i thought were my good friends i found out that they just backstab and lie about me to their own advantage.. It really hurts your feelings when you find out about things like that... All it feels like i have left is my girlfriend an my family, And when going from having a large group of friends to finding out it was all fake isnt easy to handle.. I would suggest cutting ties with them and trying to find new friends like i am doing..
     

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