SRS I feel like my life is falling apart right now & I don't know how to begin fixing it

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by calisteph6, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    First off my relationship is in danger of ending, and I contribute a lot of it to my inability to communicate effectively.

    I'm also really unhappy in my choosen career (that I went to school for) and I think part of that is the job I have now and that also may be from my inability to communicate properly. I'm an accountant and trying to study for the CPA exam and the stress of working 40+ hours a week and studying is really wearing me and my relationship down, but I don't even know if that's the problem.

    I feel like I can only identify either happy or unhappy and I can't even pinpoint why exactly I'm unhappy, I just feel confused. I also have a huge feeling of guilt over feeling like a failure over not being 'good' at my job and not really exceling after getting a degree and not being able to sucessfully pass these exams (I've taken 1 out of 4 and I failed it...I got a 65 and I needed a 75 to pass.)

    My father died a little over a year ago and he really wanted me to be an accountant and he was really proud of me graduating and I know that he's dead and he doesn't know that I hate accounting but somehow I still feel like I'm letting him down.

    I'm just at this point where I have no idea what to do. Do I just forget accounting and try something else? Do I tough it out and pass the exam and try to get a different job and see if things work out?

    And I don't even know where to start with my boyfriend situation. I just feel like I can't get my shit together and now it's wearing him down. He thinks I need to get therapy for the grief about my dad and other stuff but now I'm starting to think I should have done that months and months ago and maybe it's too late.
     
  2. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    I can relate when it comes to the career situation. I'm at a point I'm just trying to re-examine and reflect on my life.
     
  3. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    Yea...I know, I just feel like I'm almost 30 and I just don't want to start all over and basically I've spent almost 10 years of my life on this career either studying or working and I don't know if I'm quite ready to give up yet.

    My BF recommended quitting my current job and studying for the CPA...but I just don't think that will really help, if I quit working it would be to go back to school for something totally different. If I can't pass the CPA I would consider trying to work PT maybe and see if that gives me an edge, but I don't know if I'm quite ready to just give up on accounting...I think I want to get my CPA and try at least 1 different job/company before I decide I need a new career. :dunno:
     
  4. weezyfbaby

    weezyfbaby New Member

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    I'm an accountant as well, just privately though. I have never studied or gone for my CPA because the money I am making here and the work I am doing and the office is good enough for me (despite the fact that I am kinda underpaid/underappreciated). There have been many days where I just thought "This isn't for me. I can't do this. I don't want to do this."

    Every time I never gave up or gave it more serious thought than perhaps those few nights. The issues that gave me problems or made me feel as if I wasn't a good accountant were gone soon after and I was back to being confident in my job and "enjoying" it as much as I could.

    Accounting is a no thanks job imo, it is a hard job, it is more than just doing the numbers. Especially in my position I have to pretty much know what is going on in every facet of the company and even know other peoples jobs as well, despite the fact that I feel that the owners think that I do nothing.

    Basically what I am telling you is that you are in a good profession, one that is always needed and will always be needed. Sure you might be stressed now but every job is stress. Maybe you don't need to get your CPA and can try to become a private controller for a small business. You don't need to be auditor of Coca Cola or some higher-up at KPMG to get some good income from accounting (at least that's what I've found so far).

    Do you really want to start over with something that will probably end up being just as stressful and difficult and most likely lower paying than accounting is for you now?
     
  5. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I don't need my CPA where I am right now. My boss doesn't even have his (manager making in the 100k's) and another manager doesn't have his (probably in the high 90's). BUT I don't want to stay here because obviously I'm not very happy and the job market in Los Angeles is shit right now, so to be marketable you really kind of need a CPA...these managers got lucky to get their jobs at a time when accountants were scarce...now there are a lot of accountants in the L.A. area.

    Also, to answer the second part of your question, that's kind of why I want to get the CPA and still try and tough it out awhile longer. Then if I do try something else, *if* it doesn't work out I do have my CPA and 5+ years of experience to fall back on.
     
  6. Seeders

    Seeders OT Supporter

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    I pretty much came here to post the exact same thing. I'm unhappy and I dont know why. I can't communicate well with people and I dont know why. I like my job, I think I should be happy, but all my relationships are falling apart. My friends think i'm being weird/awkward and are beginning to talk shit about me. My coworkers think im weird. I feel ok when I'm alone, but I can't figure out why I can't communicate with my friends. even just hanging out talking about football or whatever, i cant come up with interesting things to say and i just feel weird. i dont know if its the monotony of every day or what, but I gotta find something to change.
     
  7. weezyfbaby

    weezyfbaby New Member

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    good luck, your job sounds like the same as mine right now. I'm not very happy where I'm because of the $ / my workload + expected performance. I am very very very very very underappreciated here and therefore underpaid. However, I enjoy my other coworkers, enjoy the laidbackness of the office, and other small things that remind me to stick it out, update the resume, and see what comes in. Right now I am 25 years old and the controller of a multimillion dollar business, however my raise from my entry level job to this HUGE promotion was a paltry $5k with a possible $5k 3 months from now. Kinda sucks but whatever, it is a job.

    I'm sure you will be fine if you continue to get your CPA and study for the test. Eventually you will pass, it is an extremely hard test though. When you pass and get that CPA you won't have to worry about the extra stress and can most likely move on from your current position to something that you feel is more respectable.

    Good luck
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    First of all, you definitely need to start seeing a therapist to help with your grief as well as getting you to open up. You'd probably benefit greatly from it. It's not too late either, the longer you put it off the more you ignore the real problem.

    Secondly, did you move in with the bf or no? I remember you bringing it up but wasn't sure if it happened.
     
  9. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    No...the plan was in Jan because I'm forced to take time off of work from x-mas to new years. I have been feeling unsure for the past few months and had talked to my mom about it (the only person I really open up to) and her opinion is that I'm very reluctant to change anything in my life and that my hesitation is from that. Her opinion was that I am always going to be stuck in the rut of not taking a relationship 'to the next level' and that I'm just afraid. I'm not really sure how I felt about her opinion, but she thinks that me and my BF are really good together and I do agree with that part and I do know I really love him and I feel like I'm not unhappy in our relationship. I feel like I'm more unhappy with my life and it's making me nitpick our relationship and push him away...if that makes sense.
     
  10. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    so you hate me and you don't know me? And I'm lazy when I work 40-45 hours a week plus a commute and then study in my free time?

    What do you do for a living?
     
  11. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    How do you know me?

    do you even know what the CPA exam is??? :rofl:

    I have my Bachelors of Science with honors already. The CPA exam is a certification and *most* people do it either between college and when they start work or while they are working. It's not about the money, it's about the fact that I don't want to put my career on hold right now, but working PT is an option.

    The last thing I am is lazy...but many, many people fail parts of the exam and for now I want to try and pass while working FT, if I am unable to I will try working PT.
     
  12. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    Ok, the first part of your response. I don't remember, but I sometimes rag on people who post dumb threads in F&N and that is mostly tolerated there. It's not usually appreciated here and it would be nice if you would just PM me with your personal issues with me because I'm seeking serious advice and actually want help and to change and now the thread is muddied with our bickering. I'm sorry if I offended you in the past but this isn't the place to discuss it.

    The second part, I appreciate your opinion and I do think that you have a point and I've thought of it. However, maybe I'm stubborn, or maybe I'm too confident, but I'd like to try to pass while working FT. I've only taken and failed 1 part so far. I don't know for sure if working PT is an option since I was hired FT, but there are a few people here that do it, so I would hope so.
     
  13. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    clear your inbox, can't send you a PM
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Makes perfect sense, I just wasn't sure if you guys had moved in and maybe that was adding to the stress. But yeah, I think moving in while you're feeling the way you do would make things far far worse :sad2: I have a feeling your mother is right-that you are so afraid to just let go and let him in that you're essentially sabotaging the relationship :hs:

    I don't want to tell you to quit trying for the CPA, what with the economy in the shitter and you having I'm sure a decent-enough understanding of being an accountant to get by better than most...I'd still hope you focus on your communication skills and well and getting therapy for everything you are going through. I honestly think that is where you should start :hs:
     
  15. Seeders

    Seeders OT Supporter

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    cleared
     
  16. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    i'd say tough it out and keep trying to pass your CPA exam. it seems like it'd be worth it for that field and you can always have it to fall back on. i think that once you do pass, you'll be happy you did.
    i also don't know a thing about your relationship, but if you are still grieving over your dad to the point where you are disappointing him etc. then you need to see someone. it may help and it's never too late.
    once that is done, i think your mind will be clear and you can focus on your life. who knows, if you don't like your current job, you may find something else you love and can work and be happy.
     
  17. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    That's the thing. I know I feel unhappy about my relationship but I can't really pinpoint why I'm unhappy or how to even fix it so I'm starting to think the stressors of my life are just getting me so low that it's affecting my relationship.
     
  18. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    i felt this way too a few months ago. but having a very supportive bf and actually seeing a light at the end of the tunnel put everything in perspective for me. i hope it works out the best for you. you seem dedicated about everything so i'm sure it'll all work out
     
  19. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    My BF is really great and really supportive. My dad terminally ill and then died a few months into our relationship and most guys may have ran at that point because the situation was awful and stressful, but he was super supportive and we barely knew each other and weren't very serious. But I can see that me being negative all the time is really starting to wear on him and I'm always negative and he's always positive so it's just a vicious cycle where now I think that if I can even break his spirit what hope is there? But...you're right, things seem bleek but it will probably pass and life isn't easy and I have to work at it. :hsd:
     
  20. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    I sent you a PM with books that have helped me a lot. I too used to be very pessimistic and it came through in my communication, not only in how I communicated but the frequency I divulged personal stuff and how I handled what we talked about after.
     
  21. CrispyGame

    CrispyGame Stop staring at my avatar.

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    I'm at a very similar cross-roads myself, and I know we've talked about accounting (albeit via the perspectives of different experience levels: namely none by me). And to make matters even more eerily similar, my dad got murdered a month and a half ago. :wtc:

    I've tried so many times within about a one-year period - forward and back - to get an accounting job after graduating, and just nothing budged. I've already gone over getting turned down numerous times from interviews - the one second interview I just about nailed and still got rejected, getting turned down from the business frat, even freaking grading papers and tutoring, and wanting to just forget every facet of my college life (hell, I pretty much did, save for the very few friends I did make - and none of them were other "fellow" accounting majors :mamoru: ), and just get the hell out of their with a degree in hand.

    Eventually I did get an entry-level job at a finance startup, but it's not really related to accounting at all. The work I do (with about 10 others) is something no other company does - which does sound like a good thing, and it has its good points, but I see it as something that can't really transfer - and the soft skills that do (mostly a bunch of iterative Googling) aren't all that impressive. And though I feel like a better candidate (and overall person) now than I did before, I still worry that I'm not "good enough". I've even reached the point where I convinced myself that there's no point to "better myself", because I'm convinced that what'll manifest out of that won't make up for time, effort, and money (what little of it I have) spent. I even hear horror stories about people who still have a difficult time finding jobs after passing the exam, and I fear that I'l become one of them. And I wish I could comment on the relationship side of things, but I've intentionally shyed away completely from that area. I'm 23, and have - by choice - never had a significant other.

    I haven't completely checked out from possibly entering the accounting world myself (my uncle is very insistent I take that traditional CPA path since I have the degree). Hell, I wouldn't mind starting in it now. If anything, if I really didn't like it, I'd know from first-hand experience. Freaking entry-level jobs on Craigslist wanted TEN years of experience. For an assistant. I can't afford to take unpaid internships, and I don't think there's one that would be flexible around a pretty solid, rigid 9-5 that I work. Probably my fault for not taking that part of it more seriously when I was supposed to - I did get two Big 4 internship interviews, but blew them hard, and got so discouraged that I didn't even bother to apply for any others. I don't even know how the hell I got *those* to begin with sometimes. I have no "network" to call on either. I've always been extremely intimidated at the idea of it - it rubs off on me like it's second-hand rubbing in my face of "I have this job you want and you don't".

    I'm chalking it up to extreme depression/apathy and a strong case of quarter-life crisis. I've been deliberating whether or not to skew on the path of computers/IT or finance, and have pretty much been leaning toward finance. I want to make some drastic shift in my life, but my bank account can't support it yet. I really want to make a mark on the world in some way, but I feel too intimidated by everyone else to even bother trying in the first place sometimes.

    I wish I could offer you more valuable, but considering that I'm basically going through what you are (and hell, I'd like to even be in a point where I have experience to begin with...), I hope I can be a resource to at least give you some perspective. :hs:
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2009
  22. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Hey calisteph6...I could totally relate to your story as it was somewhat similar to mine.

    I'm the youngest of 5 kids and we've all studied accounting including our dad. 3 CPAs in the family and being the youngest, it was never an option for me to NOT study accounting. Ok, I know that's not really your story but this part is.....I HATE ACCOUNTING! :) Ok so I don't really hate it, I just prefer to do something else for a living.

    I didn't acknowledge this dislike of accounting until my Junior year after my dad passed away and then I didn't accept my dislike until many, many years later.

    I felt lost, here I was with an accounting degree with family members that had excelled at the CPA exam (brother passed it on his first try) and I'm miserable and don't even want to pursue the damned CPA let alone work as an accountant. Fuck that shit.

    It took me many years to accept that I just wasn't interested in accounting any longer and that it was OK to NOT be an accountant. Seriously, this was not an easy thing for me to accept but accepting it has lead me to greater peace and happiness.

    I have no idea what path is best for you nor where the root of all your unhappiness lies. I'm pretty sure that you're dealing with multiple issues and in fact, I got the impression that you may feel a bit trapped by your current life. You know, your current boyfriend might have been a great help through a very difficult time in your life but now that you're on the other side of that difficult time, you may not like him all that much. I could be way off base there but it's certainly worth looking at IMO.

    You know what helped me when I was really lost? Nature. I know....it sounds kind of silly but I'm serious! I would eat my lunch in a park in downtown OKC. It was peaceful and serene and that was a welcome change to my stress filled days. I would watch the birds and ducks and wander around just looking at all the life. I would even go to that park on weekends and read a books on spirituality and really get in touch with me and my "inner self".

    I found many helpful books along the way. One of which is called, "Zen and the Art of Making A Living." It's a cool book that really takes a look at many different aspects of your personality and helps you decide what's best for you. I also thought "What color is your parachute" was helpful but only as a reference, I never read the whole thing just parts of it that addressed some questions I had.

    Acknowledging your discontent is an important step and unraveling all the ins and outs can be difficult. I found that giving myself the freedom to explore all sorts of different professions really helped me focus in on what's important to me. It was fucked up tho because I had to let go of the idea that I was an accountant and that it was OK to pursue a different career.

    Anyways, good luck on your journey.
     
  23. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    There is so much wrong here I don't even know where to start. First of all, "getting certifications necessary for their CPAs?" WTF? The CPA is a certification. There are no other certifications necessary to qualify and it's not pluralized. Secondly, it is not a waste of time to get an accounting degree without becoming a CPA. That's like saying it's a waste of time to finish med school and not going on to some sort of specialization. Accounting is vast and becoming a CPA isn't necessary to be successful.

    I'm sure she's devastated that you won't be offering any of your advice, LOL.

    EDIT: Deleted the ongoing arguing. Opinions, fine, but bickering and insults, no.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 5, 2009
  24. miek

    miek New Member

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    I don't think you understand the magnitude of these exams. If you can study/pass this exam while working FT, you are a freak.

    Plus I think you're missing the point... it's not the fact of failing once and giving up, it's the fact of realizing this isn't a career path she wants to continue for the rest of her life in, they're both very different.

    I have sympathy, shit gets stressful. I'm in accounting and work at a CA firm (the Canadian CPA equivalent) and I've seen the toll that it has on some people, it's very common to get stressed about this and when you have other life stuff going on too, it just adds fuel to the fire.

    Do I have any advice? No, since I suck at giving advice :rofl:. Just as long as you know that these feelings are normal, and more importantly your BF understands the magnitude of what you're trying to do, he should realize it as well. It's a tough time, and ya it sucks while you're going through it, but in the end it's worth it :bigthumb:
     
  25. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    She doesn't know what it is. I bet she couldn't even tell you what the letters stand for without looking it up.
     

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