SRS I feel like I want to break up with my girlfriend of 13 years.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dazed, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. dazed

    dazed New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2004
    Messages:
    12,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    new york city
    We've been together for 13 years. Had out ups and downs. We're engaged now. I love her with all my heart and soul, and I couldn't think of a more perfect person. But lately I've been feelign weird. I feel like I missed out on so much with us being together for basically half my life. I want to know if there is anything else out there. Is this normal or am I just making excuses about getting married?

    :sadwavey:
     
  2. Fearan

    Fearan Guest

    The grass isn't greener on the other side buddy. It's normal to feel like you are, but be strong enough to overcome those feelings.
     
  3. Nightmist

    Nightmist Power Metal Crew >* \m/ \m/

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2004
    Messages:
    2,913
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cleveland/Ohio State
    If you did break up with her I guarantee you will feel worse after a week or so and realize how much you miss her. I would suggest to be strong and stay with her.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    How many girlfriends have you had other than her?

    You've been with her 13 years, which is "half your life"? So are you seriously saying you're 26 now, and you've been dating her exclusively since you were 13?
     
  5. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    You are on this path now with her. If you go off and let's say have 10 other women, some day you will have to get back on the path with just one women. Past conquests are soon forgotten. Is she the type of person that might think she missed out if she marries you. Resolve these issues before you get married.
     
  6. dazed

    dazed New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2004
    Messages:
    12,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    new york city
    Yeah, only her since I was 13.
     
  7. dazed

    dazed New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2004
    Messages:
    12,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    new york city
    No she has no fears. It's just me.. it's always been just me
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    So you've had only one emotionally intimate relationship (her) since you were 13.
    Well, I'm going to have to tell you that it's for your own good, and hers, that you look deeper into these issues BEFORE you get married.

    Sure the grass is hardly ever greener on the other side. But I do not honestly think that, at 13, you can truly know yourself enough to select a life-mate. Unless you truly hit the 1-in-billion jackpot and she is your counterpart in every way and lucky lucky you met her at 13. Even that is so...how will you know ?

    But you owe it to yourself and her to work through these feelings. Who knows, maybe you'll end up with her after all. Congratulations to you, if that happens. But please please find out before.
     
  9. Original

    Original OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    33,808
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    God's Country
    It is very normal to start wondering now. Like everyone has said, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. If you break up with her you will find yourself more lonely then ever. Trust me, if you get rid of her you'll be searching for a very long time and you will only be comparing every girl you meet to her. Stick with it buddy, I know you can pull through, just keep your strength and let these feelings pass. Never stop enjoying precious moments and don't forget the excellent memories you two have had.
     
  10. Gandin

    Gandin New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2003
    Messages:
    344
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    The fact that they are still together despite only being 13 at the time is pretty amazing. I don't think he should second guess himself because he was only 13 when he originally made the decision. That's just lame. He should take into consideration that they must be a pretty good couple if they have fought through so many years together, especially at such a young age.

    As for the question, don't just dump her. That's not the right way to go about it. You won't feel better. But, certainly don't get married until you have these issues figured out. Talk to her man. Might hurt her some, but it's worth it. Good luck.
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,955
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    You really should've done more dating earlier. Now is not the time. If you stray now, you may never regain what you once had. It doesn't matter how many people you have relationships with as you'll go through the same exact things with other girls.

    What you should look at is have you two been able to fix some individual flaws during these 13 years? If you haven't gotten over certain insecurities and are not consciously trying to improve yourself, you might want to rethink marriage anyway. If you two have been good about learning your lessons and doing your best not to repeat your mistakes, you're lucky because you don't really need to experience being with other people.
     
  12. PoultryMagic

    PoultryMagic If I can't be my own...I'd feel better dead.

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2004
    Messages:
    764
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area, CA
    i gave up a relationship of 5 years on those same exact feelings. worst mistake i ever made in my life. the danger is your imagination...thinking there are somethings you are missing out on that you just can't stop thinking about.

    there's nothing better out there than what you have right now, believe me. i have to live with what i did for the rest of my life....

    and why don't you talk these things over with your girl? you and her should be able to work out some things to where you can experience those things you missed to a limited degree.

    i'm telling you from personal experience...you should let the coulda/woulda/shoulda feelings go...don't do what i did.

    so yes...the feelings are normal...and it's also normal to make excuses because it's scary as fuck to get married.
     
  13. Achmiel

    Achmiel Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshi

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2001
    Messages:
    42,216
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Cruisin' in the ATL
    I have those feelings. It is going to be very hard to walk up to your SO and tell them, "look, I feel I've been missing out on things...."
     
  14. tigerlily

    tigerlily Spoiled brat.

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2003
    Messages:
    10,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dallas
    maybe you have cold feet about getting married. although you have been together for 13 years, you always had the choice to break it off if anything went wrong. Marriage is a bit more complicated and maybe you are just worried about getting out if something goes wrong and you have no other choice.

    However, I would suggest staying with her, you know that you two get along well. As far as what you might be missing, who cares? You have found a wonderful girl that you have spent 13 years with. 13 years is a long time to have a gf, if she was patient enough to wait on you to propose, she is worth keeping :) good luck and congrats :wavey:
     
  15. I've felt that way. In my case it meant there were fault lines in the relationship.
     
  16. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2002
    Messages:
    19,344
    Likes Received:
    12
    You love her with your heart and soul?

    Are you bored with her?

    If you are bored with her... realise that once you step away from here there is no going back. It could be the worse move of your life.

    Personally, I would stay with her. She is loyal and meets all you could want in terms of a partner... that is very rare.

    There is always divorce. If she is open minded, perhaps you guys could take a break for like a month, then get back together like before. I don't know though, seems like a bad idea.

    Tough decisions man. Think it through.
     
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    stay with her.

    You know , the thing is you don't appreciate what you got. Really there isn't any better out there, if you really love her with all your heart, and if she does that to you likewhise, why would you complain? Just be happy with that. You can do all the things in the world together with her. And really, if you go out cheating on her, you'l just come to the conclusion that you don't deserve her and that she was really the one for you. You have no idea how much she loves you do you? And even if there was more out there , it's not worth breaking your relationship over. I would cherish this love, be happy with what you have, always look at what you DO have instead of what you don't have.
     
  18. punkerjim

    punkerjim Guest

    13 years? if you're not married by now, you're not going to get married.

    people shouldn't marry their high school sweethearts... as you stated, you missed out on half of your life.
     
  19. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2004
    Messages:
    14,266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    =PA=
    There's a woman that I work with, who's been with her husband since she was in her teens. She's 38-39 now, and is KNOWN for cheating on him, because she's been with him her whole life.

    I don't know if there was a point to that story, other then it's like your situation, and even thought I don't know you, I don't want you or your girlfriend to have that happen (with it going either way)
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    I see this outcome more often than the other way round. Which is why, although its great that you guys found each other so young, but really, you've only been with one person since you were 13 years old. Come on.

    I admit, that is great for you, but not knowing you personally, I can only comment generally.

    And generally, people like yourselves tend to come to a crossroads in their late 20's/early 30's, and then come here and say "I NEVER thought it would happen she's been SO SOLID ALWAYS...WHY is this happening to me".

    Therefore, that's why I advise you to figure this out BEFORE you get married. That's all.
     
  21. Carl Brutananadilewski

    Carl Brutananadilewski Active Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2002
    Messages:
    8,767
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WHOREicon
    I am going through the same thing right now...been married 2 years though :(

    I have been with this girl for 6 years total, and yes, we were together in high school. Not sure what's going to happen from here :dunno:
     
  22. Myst

    Myst New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    107
    Likes Received:
    0
    You should talk to her about your feelings. I would say if you have to, its better to walk away now than a year or two after the marriage.
     
  23. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2000
    Messages:
    20,066
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    :werd:

    As with many material possessions, the "newness" in relationships does wear off. It doesn't mean anything's wrong. It doesn't mean you're not in love anymore. It doesn;t mean you're missing out. It means you are either comfortable or in a rut. Figure out why you are in the rut and do something to reignite interest.
     
  24. dazed

    dazed New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2004
    Messages:
    12,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    new york city
    Just wanted to let OT know that I got married March 8th and I couldn't be happier. Just got back from three weeks in Goa, India and Tuscany.
     
  25. Cautild

    Cautild New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miami
    congrats.
     

Share This Page