SRS I feel like I messed up my life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by runawaycamel, Aug 1, 2009.

  1. runawaycamel

    runawaycamel New Member

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    Let me give a bit of a backstory:

    All throughout middle school and high school I was a very successful musician in my opinion. I got scholarships to attend festivals, awards, and praise from everyone I came across. I didn't put much focus into my mediocre public school education because I felt as though the only thing I was meant to do in this life was music.
    Well, that was what I thought I thought back then, but it may have been more of what everyone else thought.

    So I auditioned for many music schools, got into many, most were too expensive. I went to the one that may have not been the best for me, but the one that didn't cost 40,000 a year with no scholarship.

    As time moved along I felt more and more detached from the instrument and music that I loved. I just couldn't focus on it and felt drained, burnt out, and frustrated with the lack of real musicality at the school. I know that may sound arrogant, but it's true. So many of the music students at my school lack any soul, any independence in their playing, and it's very disheartening. Within the college of music lays a very corrupt place, as I learned as well.

    Anywho, halfway through school I decided to add on music therapy to my music performance degree. (for those who don't know what music therapy is, look it up online) Helping people was something I always wanted to do, so it seemed like a good fit. I still feel like it's a way better fit than performance, but I still feel skeptical. I don't feel like it's something I would want to do for the rest of my life. But neither does playing in a symphony orchestra. I almost feel like keeping music as a hobby and pursuing something completely different is what I need to do.

    But the real dilemna is what? All of my interests seem to lead to near nonexistant careers and the ones that don't would take another 4 years of schooling at least. I don't have the money for that...and honestly...I'm so sick of school.

    My parents are also disappointed. They always dreamed I'd be the principle player in a symphony and did everything in their power to try to help me get there. I feel like such an ass for going so long with this dream...and then bail out on it because I realize it's not so much a dream anymore.

    I have 2 years left of college and then a 6 month required internship. It is the only direction I have right now, so I'm continuing, but it just doesn't feel right.

    Another factor stopping me from picking up and changing my whole life is a guy I've been seeing for the past year. I have finally found someone I love a ridiculous amount and could honestly see myself spending my life with him (...eventually). He still has a year left of undergrad and then will go on to law school...so he has quite a ways to go. I don't want to leave him and he is 100% supporting me with music therapy (it's been hard...because I entered in so late).

    Has anyone else felt this way before? In one way I feel too young to be worrying about all of this, and in another way I feel like I should have already found what I wanted to do a long time ago but was too confident in high school...resulting in never really discovering what I really want to do.
     
  2. illectronic

    illectronic I'm Coming Home OT Supporter

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    Many people change their career paths in the middle of school and later on in their careers as well. If you see an opportunity that is attainable to you and you will be happy with that , pursuing that opportunity is a good option. Later opportunities will always open up if you keep an open mind.
     
  3. illectronic

    illectronic I'm Coming Home OT Supporter

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    And to answer your question, yes. I changed majors in college. I just graduated in May and now I plan to pursue something that has nothing to do with my major anyways.
     
  4. runawaycamel

    runawaycamel New Member

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    That's good to hear. I feel like I have to figure everything out this second, but I suppose there's no better opportunity than the one I have right now.
    I also feel like a crazy person for potentially putting my life on hold for a guy. I never would have thought I'd want to do something like that, but honestly, if I had to wait out a year or two while he finished his degree and then pursue my own life (with him alongside, ideally)...I would do it. I just feel like everything is supposed to happen now in order to be set up for the future.
     
  5. runawaycamel

    runawaycamel New Member

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    I don't know what you majored in and what you're pursuing, but I feel as though some degrees are much more flexible than others. It seems like a music performance/music therapy degree will get me nowhere.
     
  6. Nix112

    Nix112 ... OT Supporter

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    Most parents in that situation would just want to see you happy. You are better off stopping something that makes you miserable now than when you are 40. If you are burned out on it now it's not going to get any better if you keep at it.
     
  7. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    If your heart's not in it, don't do it.
     

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