Let me give a bit of a backstory: All throughout middle school and high school I was a very successful musician in my opinion. I got scholarships to attend festivals, awards, and praise from everyone I came across. I didn't put much focus into my mediocre public school education because I felt as though the only thing I was meant to do in this life was music. Well, that was what I thought I thought back then, but it may have been more of what everyone else thought. So I auditioned for many music schools, got into many, most were too expensive. I went to the one that may have not been the best for me, but the one that didn't cost 40,000 a year with no scholarship. As time moved along I felt more and more detached from the instrument and music that I loved. I just couldn't focus on it and felt drained, burnt out, and frustrated with the lack of real musicality at the school. I know that may sound arrogant, but it's true. So many of the music students at my school lack any soul, any independence in their playing, and it's very disheartening. Within the college of music lays a very corrupt place, as I learned as well. Anywho, halfway through school I decided to add on music therapy to my music performance degree. (for those who don't know what music therapy is, look it up online) Helping people was something I always wanted to do, so it seemed like a good fit. I still feel like it's a way better fit than performance, but I still feel skeptical. I don't feel like it's something I would want to do for the rest of my life. But neither does playing in a symphony orchestra. I almost feel like keeping music as a hobby and pursuing something completely different is what I need to do. But the real dilemna is what? All of my interests seem to lead to near nonexistant careers and the ones that don't would take another 4 years of schooling at least. I don't have the money for that...and honestly...I'm so sick of school. My parents are also disappointed. They always dreamed I'd be the principle player in a symphony and did everything in their power to try to help me get there. I feel like such an ass for going so long with this dream...and then bail out on it because I realize it's not so much a dream anymore. I have 2 years left of college and then a 6 month required internship. It is the only direction I have right now, so I'm continuing, but it just doesn't feel right. Another factor stopping me from picking up and changing my whole life is a guy I've been seeing for the past year. I have finally found someone I love a ridiculous amount and could honestly see myself spending my life with him (...eventually). He still has a year left of undergrad and then will go on to law school...so he has quite a ways to go. I don't want to leave him and he is 100% supporting me with music therapy (it's been hard...because I entered in so late). Has anyone else felt this way before? In one way I feel too young to be worrying about all of this, and in another way I feel like I should have already found what I wanted to do a long time ago but was too confident in high school...resulting in never really discovering what I really want to do.