I feel like I have missed out on so much

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by purebad, Jul 19, 2007.

  1. purebad

    purebad I don't need your approval, right?

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    I’m 22, and have had one girlfriend in my life (this year actually), and it only lasted 2 months. That’s it, nothing else even close to a hookup, and I continually find myself hearing people I know talk about all the shit they have hit and all the crazy kinky stuff that has gone on for them, and I can't help but feel :(.

    I always moved around (every 3-4 ears growing up, and still have to this day). I feel like all the fun and experimenting age is behind me, but I missed out on it. Now I'm in a new city with literally one friend to go out with (and he is a few years older), so it’s not getting any easier.

    As you may have guessed, I obviously have security problem, I have never had a core group of friends to fit in with, so I always feel out of place, there aren’t many people I can always count on, in fact none. I am probably 20 lbs overweight as well. (I know I need to go to the gym to work on self esteem which is also lacking).

    From what I have been reading, a self-diagnosis would say I need to work on myself and make me the me I want to be before looking around for women. Once I am where I want to be and have my own personal confidence, then the relationships should be no problem coming by.

    I suppose I don't have a question, I just wanted to throw it out there and see if there were any encouraging comments or thoughts to be had.
     
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    turn off the computer and hit the gym
     
  3. purebad

    purebad I don't need your approval, right?

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    I know :( I don't get home from work until 7pm and then its so hard to be motivated...I'm doing 8 minute abs and drinking lots of water to start with :)
     
  4. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    turn off the computer and hit the gym.

    Don't make stupid excuses, just do it. Your energy levels will sky rocket within weeks. You want your life to change? Then change it - making excuses drags out your problems/grief longer
     
  5. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    The grass is always greener dude. You also haven't had to deal with pregnancy scares, STD tests, or mouth herpes. Or getting punched in the eye by jealous macho boys. Don't sweat it too much.

    Nah, you're young yet. Remember you're only as old as you look (that stuff about how you feel is bunk ;) )


    I'm there too, and yeah it's tough to do especially in a city. Just work on being more outgoing, having fun, being involved in whatever activities interest you instead of sitting on the couch all the time (some of the time is ok just not all). Go out places and talk to people, forget all the bullshit for now, just go sit down next to people and start a conversation. It sounds like it's not as simple as it sounds... but it is, really. And don't beat yourself up, some of us just aren't the type that can amass a "crew". Remember, you can always worm your way into somebody else's.


    Good start, you already have the correct answer.
     
  6. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    And remember "the you you want to be" doesn't have to correspond to the you other people think you should want to be. If you want to lift weights, lift weights. If you want to be an art fag, be an art fag. It seems to me that precisely what you do with yourself isn't nearly as important as what it adds to your life and sense of self (and, hopefully, that it gets you out of the house and socializing).
     
  7. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I agree with huntz0r

    If you feel that you have to change yourself to be "liked" by other people, then that's a sore reason for wanting to do so. you should want to change your weight/looks because you want to, not to fit or conform to society.

    Go out and do something that you enjoy and see if you meet any new people doing it; whether it be a certain sport, interest group or whatnot.

    The moving around thing has got to be hard because I get a sense that there's no stability in your life (friends, school, work, social scene, etc.) :hs: You just have to take that extra step to be social if you want to go out and meet someone.

    I for one can't see how you may have so much trouble meeting women. Maybe it's social/communication skills because I think you are a very attractive guy :)

    From here on out, if someone invites you to do something or go somewhere, go and do it; It'll build up confidence around women and others and it'll help you interact with more people
     
  8. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    are you serious or just trying to make him feel better? :rofl: I'd rather let you punch me in both eyes then miss one weekend.



    if your hair sucks, throw on a baseball cap. if your skin sucks, but some cremes and whatnot. not that 22 years old is even close to too old for 18 year old girls, and im not sure how much lower then that you are trying to go.


    especially in a city? are you out of your gourd? this is not a grass is greener thing. I live in a tiny city/bigish town and im I can drive or hop a train to NYC. there is no comparison. If you live in a city, thats a blessing. There are always things to do, new people to do it with, new people to the area who are also looking for friends.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2007
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    22 is nothing. you are just getting started. don't sweat it. Its going to be a bit tougher to make good buddies but its not all that bad. edit: i'm 27 and I still routinely get hit on by 17-18 year olds :ugh: and date 21-22 year olds.

    don't wait until you are where you want to be before you start going after women, as soon as your start getting where you want to be, you are ready to start getting after women. Life is the journey, so don't get too hung up on the end.

    here is my advice: Do whatever the hell you have to do to get out of the house on a regular basis. Join any sport/club/activity. I don't care if its badminton as long as there are girls and guys near your age having fun doing it. pick things that suit your interest, if you don't find any thing like that, pick something anyway.

    don't do the cruising supermarkets and barnes and noble stuff yet, you arn't ready. put yourself in situations where you *have* to talk/have fun/get to know others.

    after a few weeks it should be no big deal to ask a few of the guys "hey, wanna go catch the game/throw some darts/whatever and get some wings at ye olde bar tommorow?"

    remember peoples names and use them often.

    make eye contact and smile.

    work on your posture. Im just guessing, but id bet it stands to improve a lot. you can start walking like the guy you want to be the moment you wake up tomorrow. hows that for a quick fix?
     
  10. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Small towns are easier to socialize in, usually... which is not the same as having a lot of people to meet. It's the opposite, you run into the same people more often. I agree that the city has more opportunities but you need to learn certain social skills to access them. And of course that is the way to go, ultimately.

    Yes I am serious about not having to think about STDs and pregnancy. Cause like, there are never posts in here about STD or pregnancy scares :hsugh: At least at 22 his eyes are open no matter which way he proceeds.

    btw, I'm coming from the positivity angle here...
     
  11. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    22 is not too late at all. Your age is what you make of it. I am 21, but I have friends in their mid-20's that still do the same thing I do.

    You moving situation sucks, but first thing first, you need to build confidence. Get your diet in check, hit the gym, and start socializing more. That one friend you have; make friends with his friends, and then his friends, and so on.
     
  12. purebad

    purebad I don't need your approval, right?

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    You know what I look like? :eek3:

    But I am quiet around girls, especially meeting them the first time. I don't take the lead if other guys are around, I just sit back and talk as needed or when talked to, I have this thought in my head that they will pick up on my nice guyness and that will be enough woo them...wrong.
     
  13. illmaceyougood

    illmaceyougood New Member

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    You can be nice and still flirt.
     
  14. nygiantplaya

    nygiantplaya I

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    Seriously hes right.. i was always saying i was going to work out and never did because i was too tired. Once I Started working out i always had tons of energy, its amazing and when you start to see improvements your hooked on working out and you feel great about yourself.

    Best idea is to make friends with som1 or who is already your friend and go to the gym together. its alot easyier if you have somone going with you. then your most likely not going to flake on working out or pushing yourself
     
  15. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    who gives a shit about being nice?

    you can still be a good person and do nice things when the situation warrants it without locking yourself into the role of "nice guy" who acts nice to try to get a reward from others and allow themselves a comfortable place to hide the coward that is their real self.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You're only 22. If your life sucks than get the fuck out there and make it the life you want.


    /thread
     
  17. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    yes i do :eek3:

    You're on my myspace :mamoru:

    but you'll be suprised, a lot of girls may feel the same way you do about approaching or talking to them. So use that nice guyness to your advantage, a lot of girls are looking for a nice guy. If that's what you are then that's what you are. Don't believe a lot of hype in this forum about women only wanting sex. Go with your instinct, if you're wrong then you learn and you move on
     
  18. IAMABALLER

    IAMABALLER New Member

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    I used to be the quiet/shy guy too & even though I had quite a few friends, I was way too quiet around girls....

    i started hitting the gym & getting big & my confidence sky rocketed & I became borderline cocky/confident w/ girls & went from hooking up w/ 1 girl in my life to 31 in one summer (when i say hookup, i dont mean sex...just messing around) (the summer after high school).

    step 1) workout - lose 20 lbs or whatever, even tan a couple times if you want.
    step 2) get nice fitted clothes that will attract girlss
    step 3) confidence will come w/ the above.....
     
  19. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I know this is random but oh shit. I just did my first push up in about 9 years. I haven't been doing any strength training but I have been doing cardio over the summer and I guess I lost enough weight to make it easier to do push up and now that I can do them I plan to start doing them every night.
     
  20. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    Body weight exercises are great, but you need to do them right.

    Set up something like a pull-up/push-up/squat superset on a timed interval and do several of them. Bonus points for running right before you do it.
     
  21. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    boo hoo

    work on yourself, and don't even consider a relationship until you are at least 30

    i highly recommend you start listening to the Tom Leykis radio show if you don't already
     
  22. TomBrady

    TomBrady New Member

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    HEY BRO
    dont worry
    the fun doesnt start until age 21 anyways..no worries
     
  23. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Yeah, you are right. I love doing this compared to the gym. I really hate the gym but love the outdoors.
     
  24. Dethfat

    Dethfat New Member

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    I am kind of in the same situation, im 22 I have alot of friends that have been with tons of chicks, I have been with two girls and now im back into a serious relationship with one of them(which i am very happy with) but i work at a bar at night and i work with and see and talk to so many cute girls that i know if i were single it wouldnt be a problem hooking up with them so i wonder too have i missed out on so much? its tough i know it is...:hug:
     
  25. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    If the LTR you are in now makes you happy and you both share love for one another then who cares.

    I recently came out of a LTR with a girl I thought I was going to marry and I often thought I was missing out on opportunities by being with her.... In fact, I turned down A LOT of options while I was with her.
    Now, I am single again and can do whatever I want...... and yet what I want is another LTR.


    The grass is always greener on the other side.
     

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