I feel like an asshole.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ggs, May 13, 2007.

  1. ggs

    ggs New Member

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    In short, a girl I know kissed me yesterday at a bar. I stopped her right away and I feel horrible because I have a girlfriend who I really like. Obviously I have to tell her, but I know this isn't going to go over well at all. I have felt like crap all day long because of this.

    Please give me some suggestions.
     
  2. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    don't even say anything. you're just asking for an unnecessary fight. you did nothing wrong.
     
  3. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    been there. #1 suggestio: tell her ASAP

    EDIT: If you decide to keep it from her however, do so only if you know you can take it to the grave.
     
  4. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    Like others said saying this would probably only cause more problems. But in the longrun it might be important, trust is important.

    The thing is, if you first lie then it's easier to lie the second time and where does it end?

    I allways thought principle were important, but being true to them have surely brought me more problems then if I had just let a few slide. But that's the point of principles
     
  5. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    I've never regretted being honest.
     
  6. otherlank

    otherlank OT Supporter

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    If you're telling the truth and she kissed you, then I think it's better to tell the gf. She may be upset at first but if you are honest with her, she'll soon realize that if you were trying to cheat you would have kept it from her.

    Plus, if you gf finds out about her kissing you later on after you never mentioned anything, you're in for a world of hurt.
     
  7. deathbystereo

    deathbystereo New Member

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    it's one of those things you either tell her now, or never. But this is also the kind of shit that eats you up inside.
     
  8. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    If SHE was the one who kissed YOU, without you taking an active part, and you immediately realized it was wrong and pushed away, then tell her. When my fiance attempted to stay friends with his ex, he went to her house to fix her computer for her. She was drunk (alcoholic) and tried to kiss him, and tried to get him to want to have sex with her again. He pushed her away before she could get close enough to kiss him, told her it was wrong, and then emailed me about what happened (we were in a LDR at the time).
    I was much happier that he told me, although I felt nervous about them remaining friends. (Luckily they stopped talking for awhile, then sometimes she'd call and he'd just listen to her whine, then finally stopped talking all together a year & a half ago). Even though we hadn't been together very long when she attempted to get him back, I was happy knowing that he cared about me enough to push her away AND be honest about what happened. (And yes, I KNOW he was being honest).

    So if you did not make an initial move or kiss the girl back, then tell your gf. If you wait and tell her, she's going to be pissed that you hid it from her and think that there was more to it.
     
  9. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    Tell her...If you keep it a secret it will pick at you and then you could end up telling her far in the future. Then she could be even more pissed off that you kept it a secret.
     
  10. Angry Lampshade

    Angry Lampshade New Member

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    Tell her for all the reasons listed above...(no reason to re-type everything i wanted to say)
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    If you are certain this will never happen again, I don't see the point of telling your GF.

    Even though it wasn't your fault, I guarantee you she will use it against you in the future nearly every time the two of you have a disagreement.
     
  12. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    If you do decide to tell her, do it in a lighthearted way by teasing her about how all these other bitches want you so much they are physically throwing themselves at you.

    Don't make it a serious "sit-down" or you will regret it in the future I can assure you.
     
  13. Jackie Treehorn

    Jackie Treehorn Active Member

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    I agree with Yail. As I tend to do... :o
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :barf: Why does everything have to be a game for you? Why is it always teasing? Why can't this guy just tell his girlfriend that ____ kissed him but he stopped her because he has no feelings for her in that way, and he also told said girl that it meant nothing and would never happen again.

    There's no reason that the unknowing girlfriend should have to first hear about this account and basically be told that she should "feel good" that her man is sexually attractive to other women, it just had no point and is petty. She'll already be insecure and worried enough knowing that some girl kissed her man.
     
  15. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Because she is going to hold it against him, as mentioned above, if he's "serious" when he tells her.

    If he tells her in passing in a cocky and funny way, then odds are she will adopt his frame and see it as no big deal.

    He wouldn't be telling her how she should feel about it.

    He would be communicating to her that its no big deal, and he doesn't take it seriously and he thinks its funny that this woman couldn't control herself around him.
     
  16. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    What you say you will respond to, and what you actually respond to are usually not the same thing.

    To paraphrase DeAngelo, the more cocky and arrogant I've acted towards women, the more favorably they have responded to me.

    Its not his job to make her feel good about this. Its her job to have enough self-esteem and confidence to not let it bother her.

    Fact is, if she is highly attracted to him, she ASSUMES that other women are as well.

    She won't be surprised by this.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hsugh: if a guy told me right away, stright forward that a girl kissed him, he stopped her and told her their relationship was not like that, and then told me how much he cared for me I would believe him, not automatically assume he was slutting himself around or something. All I'm saying if his making some sort of joke about it, especially in a way that is a joke implying that he is just irrestible would piss me off and make me assume he did do something to warrant the kiss.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I :love: you
    I feel we share the exact same views and I always feel you words your posts very well!
     
  19. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    At 32 years old, my wife qualifies as "seasoned."

    Nice guys? You can't be serious :rofl:

    I'm on record as saying I wouldn't tell her at all.

    But since people often don't do what I want them to, I told him that IF he just has to tell her, he would be best served to do it in the manner I described.
     
  20. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    The presence of women in this forum is very good because it is direct evidence for women not understanding on a logical level what they are emotionally and sexually attracted to.
     
  21. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    Aquakittie: this is a well known fact: when women want to "settle down" and get married, they find a nice chodey beta male who will be subservient to the woman and pay her way. But what she is actually SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to remains the same throughout all of her life - masculine polarity: dominance, confidence, leadership, comfort with himself, comfort with the world, and a sense of selfworth. The nice guys aren't creating any sort of sexual attraction on older women - when 30+ year olds and milfs go out to bars to get FUCKED, not married, they go for the alpha guy. When they need to get married and start domesticating a guy, they find a "nice guy" and backwards rationalize everything into oblivion until they settle down
     
  22. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    we're operating under different definitions of nice guy. the standard "nice guy" i and most guys generally mean is the one who finishes last and can't get the girls and is the supplicating, walk-all-over him nice guy who generally tries to trick his way into a woman's pants by pretending not to have sexual interest and then springing it upon her one time when he can't hold it back anymore, only to be rejected and believe he was unfairly "friendzoned".

    Niceness in itself is not one of the most important qualities for sexual attraction. I'm sure the man you're referring to, if actually a leader, masculine, etc., is sexually attractive to women of ALL ages, and his niceness has very little to do with it.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    My boyfriend (like Aquakittie's) is a "nice guy." He's attractive, smart, and a very genuinely nice guy. My family and friends constantly make comments about what a nice guy he is as if it's a shock. The guy you referred to that I bolded is not what I even consider a "nice guy," he's a pussy that is letting himself get walked all over. Of course I wouldn't be attracted to a guy like that, I don't even respect people in general who let others rule their actions.

    But uh....why did this turn into a sexual attraction thing anyway? This is about a guy who got kissed by a girl friend.
     
  24. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    They absolutely do.

    But they are ashamed of their own sexuality and sexual desire for her, so they hide it by taking the "friends" route.

    Then like JKidd mentioned, they confess their feelings to her and then mope after she "friendzones" him.

    Of course, he friendzoned himself in the beginning by not making his intentions towards her known.
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     

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