SRS I feel like a shitball

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Hootahz314, Jan 23, 2006.

  1. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    Tonight I had to put my foot down. I have an aquaintance that is being evicted from her roommates house tomorrow. Reason being is that she *may* have stolen some prescription pain medication. This isn't just a one time accusation either, pretty much every mutual friend we have knows that she is a Vicodin junkie and not to trust her because she will steal. I've even recieved a phone call from her dad bitching me out because she's stolen pills from him and he was looking for her. Well, back to this eviction. She, for whatever reason believes that I am her best friend because I've listened to her talk about her relationship issues or whatnot but that's not even the case. She's too far gone for me to have around like a best friend would be and maintain my own sanity. Well, Saturday night she talked to my husband about her problems and how she had nowhere to go and she asked if she could stay with us. He said that he would have to discuss it with me, so what does she do? She corners me and asks. Let me say that I am the type of person that will split her last dollar with someone if they needed it, I've been taken advantage of because of this so I tend to not show so much concern for my fellow man anymore (sad isn't it?). I told her that I don't feel comfortable having another woman (or man for that matter) living in my home, so no. Not because of my husband, but because this is my territory. I feel that everyday would end up being a pissing contest and quite honestly I have enough on my plate to deal with. Besides, I don't trust her.... but how do you tell someone that you don't trust her?

    Fast forward to this evening... I laid down to take a nap and get rid of a hellacious migraine and when I woke up she was sitting in my family room and appeared to not be going anywhere anytime soon (she had an overnight bag). I lost it. I got my husband to come into our bedroom where we fought. I believed I had made it clear that she, under no circumstances could stay here. Not even for one night. He came back with "well, she's going to end up sleeping in her car if she has nowhere to stay, and you're just being selfish". I'm sorry, but that didn't really phase me at all. I told him that I refuse to be uncomfortable in my home. She makes me uncomfortable. Not to mention the fact that I do have prescriptions in my home that I don't want to have to hide and pray she doesn't find. Well, I told him I was leaving. I grabbed my car keys and left for a couple of hours. I just returned and she's gone and he told me that he asked her to leave because it just wouldn't work out with her being here. I feel so bad that I'm actually angry at myself, I do feel selfish and I just don't care. That's what makes me so angry.
     
  2. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    I don't think you did anything wrong.
     
  3. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Nah, it's okies. There comes a point when one has to put their foot down and say "NO". This woman, does not sound like a trustworthy person and I would not let her stay in my house either (I have tons of pills), and I would be worried about finding my pearls gone or something and be in such dreaded angst while she was in the house. I probably would have given her the money to stay in a motel for the night and told her to go to a shelter in the morning. I too have learned the hard way to just say "NO" after being taken advantagous of so many times. It was a very difficult lesson.
    You did nothing wrong, you were not selfish, and do not berate yourself about this episode.
     
  4. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    I'd considered giving her some money, but from past experiences that's how it all starts. By the time everything was said and done I was just so upset at the entire situation that I didn't care about where she slept. This girl has so many issues. I don't know what she expects me to do... But I absolutely CANNOT help her. I do feel better about things today, maybe she'll spread the word (talk bad about me) about how I have finally quit being the cash cow in our group of friends.


    By the way Puppycat, your problems with your friends came to mind for a moment when I started this thread and I'd hoped you had some advice. Hope things are looking up for you these days.
     
  5. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Forget giving her money and all that stuff. Try getting her some help, get her life back on track rather than letting her mooch off other people.
     
  6. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    I would, but like I said above, I have soo much on my own plate that I don't have the time, emotional stamina or patience to be someone else's savior. I don't want to start something that I can't finish. Besides she has a boyfriend that has been trying to help her and it's pretty apparent it's not working......
     
  7. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

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    You did the right thing.

    Screw her, she's a junkie loser. Hopefully she goes into rehab or something. If not, she'll die.
     
  8. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    As much as I hate name calling, yes. She is. She has no ambitions in life. Ask her what she wants to do in her relationship 'I dunno', her lack of employment 'I dunno', seeing her children 'I dunno'. When she talks to me on AIM it's never just a regular conversation, it's always the same 'life sucks, but I'm confused' subject. There are alot of things that I am confused about in my life right now, but I atleast try to sort through my messes instead of letting them build up and become overwhelmed to the point of always complaining about it via an instant messenger.

    I can't tell you how many times I've suggested she seek therapy or rehab. :squint:
     
  9. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    I'm happy to hear that you set boundries and stuck to your guns when they weren't respected. It sounds like your husband is learning also. If you havn't, I'd make sure he understands your PoV.
     
  10. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    ...as for the evicted woman, anything but a referral to help is facilitating...
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    She needs REHAB, not a place to crash.

    Which, because she is ADDICTED, will turn into a place to steal from. And also which will turn from 'overnight' to 'just one more day' to 'I'm LOOKING for another place, but I can't find anything'

    Welcome to 2 weeks to three months of an unwelcome visitor.


    If you can trust your husband enough to talk openly and privately with him, why don't you just tell him: "look, I care about her as a friend, and I can offer friendship and support, but I don't trust her to stay here".

    If your husband STILL doesn't understand this point, tell him to "trust" her with his atm card and PIN. Maybe he'll understand THEN that you can be friends with someone, but you don't want them to stay in your personal intimate space.

    This is doubly true if you live in a small apartment/small house and they're always in your face.

    Then add on the fact that she's a junkie and COMPULSED to do things that she wouldn't otherwise do.

    Yeah. Best to stay away.


    PS: You will also destroy the remaining bits of whatever friendship you had, when she doesn't leave (why would she) you're finally forced to KICK HER OUT.

    You want to remain friends? Give her a polite excuse and decline. Otherwise, it's a train wreck. Your husband is either remarkably shortsighted or he has a thing for her.
     
  12. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    You did the right thing. You can't give her the kind of help she needs, and if she makes you uncomfortable then she should not be in your home. If she calls back, tell her politely that you don't want to speak to her until she's checked herself into a rehab clinic.
     
  13. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    Quite honestly I'm not even too keen on the idea of befriending her. Reason being, I just don't have it in me. I'm exhausted when it comes to dealing with people. Especially people in need that refuse to help themselves. I've suggested rehab, but with any addict they only go as far as they want when it comes to starting over.

    I told my husband that if she were to stay here I'd be uncomfortable. His argument on that was that she looks at me as her 'best' friend and I'm the only place she has to turn. Fine. But WHY am I the only place she has to turn? I threw that one in his face and he couldn't give me an answer because he knows why. Just because she hasn't burned the bridge with me doesn't mean I can't look around me and see all of the rubble from her past experiences with my (our) friends. I also said that in order for her to get her shit straight she needs to hit her rock bottom. If I enable her and stop that from happening what good am I really doing here? She's been kicked out of her parents home, her boyfriends sisters home, just recently her own friends home. There are shelters here where we live that cater to only women, I'm sure she'll be fine. As far as my husband goes, he did kick her out. I hope this was just a case of shortsightedness... but nothing.. NOTHING would surprise me anymore.
     
  14. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd:

    i think you did the right thing. i'm glad you don't feel bad about it anymore because you shouldn't :)
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Hoots, you're a pretty smart girl.
     
  16. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    Thank you, I appreciate that. :)
     
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    There's a vital Understanding when it comes to giving help.

    The difference is this.

    -People who really need help(as in an emergency)
    -People who abuse your help(as not in an emergency)

    You are a person who lets people walk over her, or seemingly used to do so in the past. I think you did a wonderfull job in making a stance against this 'type' of abuse in this situation.

    She would only abuse you and disrupt the harmony of your family life.

    She is an addict who needs to go into rehab and receive professional help. A type of help that you are unable to give her. If you make this subtle difference between abusive help, and actual help you'll still be able to remain to be a loving and helping person without people hurting you because you have set up boundries by saying 'stop to here and no further'
     

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