SRS I feel like a human emulator...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Musouka, Jun 22, 2008.

  1. Musouka

    Musouka New Member

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    Odd title, but it will make sense with my explanation.

    I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't feel like I even know who I really am because of this "emulation" problem. I tend to just become different people and act like them, view life through their perspective, take up their interests, etc. I've done this for so long now that I don't know how to act on my own without first thinking how whoever I've chosen to be would act. When I grow closer to a person, I end up becoming them it seems. I know that people will pick up various things from other people, but I seem to stick with just one particular person.

    Now I can stop doing this pretty easily, but then I'm kind of at a lost of how to act/view things so I just latch on to another person/character and the process repeats. I feel like I don't know who I am.
     
  2. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    i do this to some extent... especially adopting their mannerisms, etc. sounds like you're very impressionable

    its hard to develop a good personality and identity, and having a bad one will make people think poorly of you. shit i dont even know what music is cool to listen to
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You need to consider yourself like a raw diamond, and chisel yourself and your personality in the way you want it to be. Time also carves you in who you are, copying is normal to some extend, but defining your life is something you need to do yourself my advice:

    think for yourself, or let others do the thinking for you

    Because that's basically what you are doing wrong.

    Imagine you have a garden with flowers in it. You need to say to yourself: I THINK this is a beautifull garden, or this is a nasty garden, or this garden needs some work. When you say I THINK, you deliberatly make an effort not to turn yourself into someone you are not, and then these thoughts are your thoughts, which define you. And that way you can finally be yourself.
     
  4. Musouka

    Musouka New Member

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    Well, I think most people do this to some extent, but I seem to just jump from person to person and I will almost completely change when I do this?



    While I understand this, I don't even really know where to start... I'll give a simple example: everyone knows about personality tests and career tests and etc. Well, I've tried taking some of these and I really honestly just can't decide on most of the answers. It's like I don't know which one to pick for myself so I just pick based on what other people would say.

    I'm still young(18) so I just did the whole college interview thing and one question I HATED was "describe yourself." I had no fucking clue what to really say so I said the same old BS other people say like hardworking, dedicated, blah blah blah, but I didn't feel like I really got across the real "me" because I don't know who that is anymore. Maybe it's just because I'm going through a major transition in my life? And hell, I've done a LOT of changing since the beginning of HS. I was a complete anti-social nerd back then who just did his homework and never really talked to anyone. I started changing and now I have a good group of close friends that I hang out with a few times every week, but I feel like since I lost my old nerdy anti-social self, I don't really know where to go... Hell, I wake up in the mornings now and don't know what to do with my day anymore. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot because I feel like I should be "doing" something with my life right now instead of just bullshitting around the entire day.

    Oh and I took your custom title's advice Dark Eternal.... if only life could be that way, just peaceful and calm. :(
     
  5. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    I used to do this for years.

    I didn't realize it, but it was just my mind searching for a personality. It's fine IF you keep that in mind. You get ideas, you explore and you find things you like. You're like a sponge, eventually you'll soak up everything you want and wring out what you don't.

    Don't forget to explore on your own, though.
     
  6. glass

    glass New Member

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    I think this is just a problem of articulating what's already there. Think of times where you've had to make a difficult decision. Think of what you actually did, what your friends would've done, what your father would've done, what you would've done in retrospect. Think of what else a reasonable human being would've done that you never would have. Ask why your choices are different from everyone else's.
     
  7. Musouka

    Musouka New Member

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    Makes me feel better that this isn't some rare incidence. :hs:

    Hmmm, I guess I would choose differently on bigger issues, but I seem to be a very indecisive person in general and usually end up just listening to what someone else suggests, even when it's a bigger decision (I semi-did this with my college decision... although I felt I'd be happy at any of the places I got into).

    I guess it might all come down to me being a very impressionable person in general? Is there anyway to be less impressionable?
     
  8. Musouka

    Musouka New Member

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    Well, after thinking about this during a run yesterday, I think I'm finally starting to get more of a sense of who I am. It turns out to be a mix of my family/friends with a little of me thrown in. I'm actually kind of excited now because I feel like I can start really living again and start doing the things I want to do and making decisions on my own. I realized what I seem to value the most and realized that this was who I was all along, I just wasn't really wanting to admit to it for some reason... so I decided to start being honest with myself. I do feel like I've wasted a few years trying to be people I'm not, but maybe that's what helped me reach this point anyway? (Note: I don't mean I'm going back to my freshman self, that was just a wrong "persona" I was trying to put up, instead I'm becoming who I feel I really am). When I started being honest with myself, I noticed that my true feelings and values seem very similar to my grandfather (good thing too) of all people, but like I said, there are many differences (I'm a lot more creative for example).
     

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