SRS I feel empty

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by wicked max, Aug 10, 2006.

  1. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    Kinda an update to all this in here http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=2635769

    well that same night I found out about my ex seeing someone, the personwho told me about it called me. This person was the ex of the guy my ex was seeing...We talked for a bit about what was going on, and it really helped. She made me realize that I could finally be able to move on. My ex was moving on, so why should I cling on a hope that there was still a chance. It was a relief to get that burden of me trying to save something that wasn't there.I was ok.

    That same weekend I jumped fully into christianity, and accepted what went on. I call my ex on sunday, and tell her I need to talk to her and see her. I go to her place, and basically tell her i'll always be there for her. I am and always am going to be her friend. i add that if she ever needs anything to ask. I say my goodbyes and call her on the way home. I tell her thanks for the good times, and if she ever needs a drinking buddy to give me a call.She agrees and we end it there.

    So monday rolls around and turns out that the girl that told me about her ex and my ex doesnt want them together. My ex calls me to help her out and get this girl off her back...I get dragged into this drama, and it basically ends up in me taking the blame for everything:hs: Without getting into specifics I say that I was the one saying lies, and that all this drama was my fault....only my ex knows i wasn't the one lying...She texts me after it's over thanking me, and saying I'm a good friend. This girl who told me about everything now doesn't like me...I told her I was her friend too...:hs: Well anyways I guess I kind of did it for myself too...to prove to myself that I could live without her.

    All this time the girl who brought me to church is also in her own drama. She had this boyfriend that she has been seeing on and off for about 3 years. Well anyways they were in one of thier phases, and she was ready for a relationship...He wasn't so she said that they should just be friends and not friends with benefits ans they had been for about 5 months now. He accepts her decision and they go on their marry little lives. The reason she did this is to make him realize all the effort she was putting into them. Well 3 days later he calls her and tells her that he's seeing some other chick. This absolutely crushes her....She is completely done with this dude and I couldn't be happier. See i really like her and always have, but she was in love with this guy. Well a week goes by and we talk almost everyday. She makes progress and today she tells me she is ready to move on and start seeing someone else. This girl is beautiful, smart, caring,and simply wonderful to be around, this is a girl you marry and never let go.My hear beats with happiness and anticipation. Well she ends up telling me that she is going out on a date with some guy on saturday:wtc: ok...I guess i just had some hope she would consider me, but I now that's wishful thinking too...well I walk her to her car and tell her I'll see her friday at work, and that's that. I don't expect anything here anymore.

    Today I get home and I find out the girl who had told me about my ex is seeing someone else now. I'm really happy for her, but makes me realize something too. Everyone is happy and great except me...my ex and her dude are having the time of their lives with each other...The girl I like which is my best friend to me is excited and very happy to be going out with this other guy on saturday, and even the girl who had her bf stolen by my ex is happly seeing someone too. Everyone is fine and dandy except for me..

    I feel empty. I'm walking blindly not really knowing what to do. I have no goals, no ambitions at all. I like living a simple kind of life, so i could care less about going to school right now and being succesful...i'm fine with my lifestyle. if i had someone to spend my life with, I would go back to school, and be succesful just to give them the whole world. But that's not the case. Once again i am sad. i know I saved myself from eternal damnation, by taking up christianity. I guess what I want right now is for this life to be over so i can get on with eternal life where happiness is promised. I see nothing in this life for me...I wish it would speed up. I'm ready to be happy now...

    Sorry for the novel, but i guess writing helps speed up this game called life.

    I look back st everything that has happened and wonder how i survived this trainwreck. I just patiently wait to be rescued. Everything is out of my hands.
     
  2. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Quite a soap opera you got going on there. At least the show is kind of drifting away from you though which is good. You just need some new people in your life. The new people will take some time. People come and go all the time. In your first thread you said you'd keep your feelings for your co-worker friend to yourself- that's still the best idea. She's kind of a catch-22 though. You need her around as a friend, but being her friend will only make you like her more. You gotta get that figured out.

    But you're failing to realize the bigger picture. This situation is only a bump in the road. If you think you're at rock bottom, well the only place to go from there is up.

    If you like living a simple life and your job permits that, well then there is nothing to worry about. Different strokes for different folks right. I also lean toward a more simple life style, it's better that way. No goals or ambitions is something you want to work on. If you really don't want either of them, find a hobby or just anything pass the time. Perhaps WoW (suggested in your first thread.)

    If you have some time you should check this out:

    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=2679335

    It will give you some direction.
     
  3. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    God didn't put us here to just be warm bodies taking up space. Pray and ask him to show you want he wants from you and where to go next. God is there for us but we have to be willing to follow the path he has planned for us, and we have to keep the line of communication (prayer) open.


    BTW I looked at your profile and noticed you're only 21...I felt the exact same way as you at that age...empty, nowhere to go. It wasn't until I took some initiative (years later) to do something and ask for God's help that things started coming together for me. Don't get me wrong, every now and then I still get those feelings but I have to remember to look up and not out.
    :hug:
     
  4. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    Yeah I feel like I could write a novel. There's so much I left out, but this was the gyst of things.

    I'm very happy that things are working everyone else. Just not me. I guess I'm cool with that. I mean what else can I do...I tried, and am happy at least I know gave it my all.

    I belive at this point in my life it's hard to meet new people. I'm not the one to go out to bars, parties, huge events. Sure I'll do it once in awhile, but the truth is i'm very reserved. Kind of boring I would say if you were to meet me. I have a very hard time meeting strangers, and I guess trusting new strangers. Once we get passed that they love me, and I know that. I have been told many times I have a very addicting personality. They like having me around to talk and shoot the shit. Plus I think it would be hard because of my schedule. i work 12pm- 9pm(sometimes later) I get home and either read, play videogames for awhile and then to bed. like 4-5 days out of the week I get up around 8 to go work out. The other days I just sleep in. Rinse repeat. so yeah.

    As for my co-worker...She's my dearest friend. I'm so into her, I can;t stop thinking about her. I will not tell her about it though...not this time. I have been in this situation about 5 times. So far I'm 1 for 5:hs: Even that one(which was my ex by the way) was so hard to attain. She was a very good friend of mine, and somehow she fell for me. She had told me that she never was attracted to me at all. She would tell me she was into all these guys and shit. I guess she just kind of shut me out and didn't let anything happen, but she knew what a great person i was. I really don't know what made her have the change of heart but yeah.Now know i'm not good looking at all, but jeez i know all these girls shut me out because how i look. The other 4 girls have told me...oh you are just a friend..you know the typical shit. I know If they had given me the chance like my ex they would have been so happy. Now i see myself in the same situation again with this girl. I know she would just shut me out too. Like I said she is ready to start dating again. She told me she hopes to meet a cute guy at school(surprise, surprise). I guess it really doesn;t matter with girls how the guy acts or treats her as long as they are cute, hot....She is going out with a guy on saturday, and she's really happy about it. I'm realy happy for her, and it makes me smile to see her forget about the guy who really hurt her. i'm just sad that it isn't with me. I'm going to keep quiet about this and not let her know. It's for the best, i simply don't need any more heartbreak right now.

    As for goals ambitions...well I still feel the same way. i don't really have or need any. Why?? For what. like i said I like the simple life, i don't need or ask for much. For myself this is fine. The only reason i would go beyond is for someone else..There's no one so there. The thing is that I know whatever i do or try i WILL be good at. It's good to know that. i can be the best at whatever I want. So i'm not worried about any of this.

    I think I've already hit rock bottom. i'm standing and ready for whatever...it just feels like i'm not moving. i guess i'm kind of waitng for things to come for me.

    i don't think it would be wise for me to go to WOW. I already had a real problem letting a game run my life. So i'm afraid if I get into it, it will make things worse for me.

    Well that's my story.
     
  5. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    Yeah, that's what i'm doing. i ask everday. I'm just waiting for the answer. We only have until the end of time.
     
  6. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    If it's happened to you 5 times now, always keep in mind the mistakes you made that led you there and fix that. You've probably heard it before, but just be confident. You're far better off being confident in yourself than walking around thinking you're always going to get rejected because of your looks. If you ever have doubts, just remembner that you've had a girl before.

    You remind me of myself realizing how I got myself friend zoned. Especially
    It's cool to be happy for a friend yeah, but that attitude is weak. I remember telling my self something similar how I was happy for her. But I mean deep down are you really happy she's going to start banging some other guy? Probably not right. There was a decent EDU in the main forum about last week "how to get out of the friend zone." Not sure where it is now but you can search around. THe thread starter he was 3/3 or something with the method, it might be help for you. Don't get your hopes up though. Keep your head up though
     
  7. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    Yeah I saw that EDU. The thing is I always been confident and shit. I've done some of the things that were mention in the EDU, but I still gets me in the same place. I have given her a call earlier like around 9am. She didn't answer, and I didn't leave a voicemail.

    So right as i finished typing my last post she texts me:

    Her: Hey what's up?(i knew she was wondering why I had called her)
    Me: Well I was at worked when I called you and on my way home. I wanted to get some breakfast and wanted to see if you wanted some
    Her: oh...(lol wtf does that mean??)
    Me: Yeah I figured you would be sleeping or something..(I guess i tried to save face)

    Yeah and that was pretty much it..I haven't talked to her. I think she pretty much knows that I have feelings toward her. She just hasn't heard it from my mouth. The thing is everyone thinks there is something going one between us. They see the way we act together and they assume there's something there...It's funny to see everyone hating (in a friendly way of course)on me at work for that. I am truly and honestly happy for her. She's a born again christian so I know she doesn't slut around. Plus she told me that too. Oh and there's the fact that she gets mad at me for telling stupid little lies every now and then, so yeah.

    I really like writing all this out. It's like a reliever.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I'm sure you're not as unattractive as you think.
     
  9. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    Actually at this point in my life. i dont give a fuck if 'm ugly or not...the problem is other people do.
     
  10. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    Well another update on what's going on

    About a week ago i bought a sephora gift basket thing which had a bunch of shit that the girlies love...Well I wasn't really sure who to give it to...my ex or my friend.I decided on the latter. Well she was talking to me at work and she was feeling kinda of down because her ex was still trying to see if he could come back if it didn't work out with the girl he was seeing...so anyways i got the little basket out of my car and gave it to her. I don't really know what kind of reaction I was expecting, but I didn't get the one I was hoping. Well she says thanks and that's pretty much it. I walk her to her car and thanks me for the gift again. She said, " are you trying to tell me I need more makeup, and I need to take care of myself more?" DOH:hs: Not at all I reply. Ok see you next time...that was pretty much it. I have been talking to her less and less. I need to, otherwise I know I'll be pulled into a deeper feeling that I know I will only have. I saw her today and maybe spoke to her a total of 5 minutes, compared to the usual 3 hours I sit there talking to her. I didn't walk her to her car or said goodbye. :hs:

    Well my ex situation is another thing. I've been doing a great job at keeping a minimum contact with her, now that she is seeing someone else, i relize what kind of person she is. Well anyways she KNOWS that friday and saturdays I am home alone by myself. We used to go out on those days. Well this past saturday I am home watching a movie and I get a text from her

    her: hey what are you up to?
    me: watching a movie at home(trying not to create any more conversation)
    her: That's cool, what movie?
    me: Saving private ryan. How bout you? (ok she got me to bite)
    her:I am at a bar by myself. Thats what I get for seeing a bartender, he is working, and elaine(the girl I put some blame all this shit...I belive she is the one for telling her to break up with me, and set her up with this guy) is getting her groove on
    me:sounds like fun( okleave me alone then)
    her: Oh yeah, you wouldn't...yeah not cool
    me:I'm sorry....well try to cheer up (how does this concern me?)
    her Oh yeah I wish...well enjoy your movie while I'm here being a loner
    Wtf...so i reply with
    me: Well dont worry about it too much...You have your friends and your boyfriend....try being a loner every day and night like me
    her: Don't worry, you will find love again even if you dont belive me.
    I stopped responding at this point

    seriously what the motherfuck..What the fuck was the point of that??anybody care to enlighten me why she would just text me like that?
    She also left me a message on myspace asking how I am doing and shit...I haven't replied...I'm trying so hard to leave her alone. Why would she want to contact me.
    She had a bunch of mail at my place so today i went to her place. I still have her extra key to her car and left everything in her car. I didn't even call her to tell her what I was doing..I wonder if that was the right thing to do. She will see it in the morning. I wonder what her reaction would be to me not telling her I was dropping off her mail.

    well that's whats going on...that's life..:hs:


    on the plus side of things, I lost 15 pound in a week and a half....:eek3:
     
  11. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Sounds like you're getting majorly friendzoned. That last call you're talking about is her probably looking out for you as your friend. She prolly feels a little bad that you're attracted to her and she isn't into you, so she tries to be nice to you and try to see how you're feeling. She prolly thinks shes helping you by being so nice while its actually just messing with your head.

    Also, when you bought that girl that basket and she asked if you if that was your way of saying do I need to put on more makeup she was prolly trying to flirt with you a little. You could have teased her about how freakin ugly she is and that no amount of makeup can make her look better. Have fun and don't be so formal.

    Stop buying girls gifts, stop talking to them about how you feel, and start teasing and having fun with em. I'm not gonna question your beliefs or anything, but don't take this christianity thing so seriously that you lose touch and act like god is watching you and you have to constantly behave. The whole being selfless thing and trying to help people is presumptuous IMO. You say you can do all this and that for other people but not yourself. Work on yourself first. Once you're in good shape thats when you can actually step in and help someone when they need it. You're not a tool for someone else to enjoy their lives, you're here to create a life for yourself.
     
  12. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    How'd you drop the weight :eek3:? Hope it's not the unhealthy way :hs:

    As for the situation.. I can't make anything of the texts, other than maybe she wants to remain friends now that it's over. Slim chance she regrets breaking up.

    I agree with konrad on the girl from work.. Not so much the part she was trying to flirt with you. I know you already know it but you're setting yourself up for more hurt by trying to get closer to her.
     
  13. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    Shit i've already accepted the friendzoned part...I mean It would be absoulutely fanfuckingtastic if she would give me a chance, but if she doesn't oh well...She says she wants someone serious, someone who doesn't play games and shit, "Well here I am bitch...open your eyes!!" lol but I just bit my tongue...I'm not going to kick myself if nothing happens..As for my ex I still find myself constantly thinking about her...I mean after 4 years it's normal right? I think back of all our happy memories and catch myself with tears rolling down my cheeks...I try not let it get me down though...It takes time, and i've learned to accept what it is.
    You are right...I need to stop lagging on this bullshit and start having fun again. So thanks for that. I think I found my niche in this whole religion thing...I'm not letting it run my life...It helps with doses, but I still have fun. I am starting to take care of myself now....no more junk food...just eating healthy and excercise...i;ve lost 15 pounds in a week and a half...yay...
    Some good news is that I'm getting promoted at work...Everyone is excited for me too..They are all expecting major success for me too. I don't blame them. We will see how that goes..
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2006
  14. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    I gave up all junk food and basically calories out> calories in....oh and diet pills...does wonders controlling hunger..

    and yup about my friend....Right now my goal is to put distance between me and her...stop talking so much to her..I think I did good today...I just listened her ramble on about her ex for like 5 minutes...I said, "well that sucks...I gotta go do this thing...catch you later"....
     
  15. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    That's the way it works it's so twisted. The girls that friendzone you describe the guy they want when you pretty much fit the description. You just sit there like :hsugh:.. Good luck with the new position at work. Also it's quite an accomplishment you lost weight like that in your situation. Most people would clam up and eat more junk food. That's how I do it anyway :noes:
     
  16. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Just read the OP and man... WHAT are you DOING!!!?

    Okay, so your ex is with another dude and wants to be with him, not you. I'm glad you accept that but what is this crap about you telling her that you will always be there to do what she asks of you, and then proving it by jumping into business that is not even yours? Who cares if some girl wanted to break up your ex and her new man? It's none of your business. Your ex was using you for her own ends on something that had NOTHING to do with you, and in return you got blamed for a lot of crap. Yes, you did deserveit because you had no business getting involved in the first place.

    I'm not trying to be rude to you man, I'm trying to let you know that you've been making the wrong decisions. You're a pushover. You let people use you for whatever needs they have, whether it be to help them out with a situation you have no business in, as a shoulder to cry on, to whatever else. You need to stop doing this. It does NOTHING for YOU. It has nothing to do with being "nice" and everything to do with seeking the approval of others. You will never be happy and will never reach your goals with this behavior. This is why everyone else seems to be working out but you.

    You need to start doing things for YOU. Forget everyone else, stop doing favors. If someone wants something, ask what's in it for you. You've got a life too and you've been neglecting it. You are not selfish to start pushing for your own needs to be taken care of.
     
  17. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    Yeah I've recently realized all this..I'm starting to revert back to my old self, before all this shitstorm happened....I've noticed that I'm a fucking asshole again and I love it.:wiggle: Again with this new promotion, i'm really exicited. Don't talk to the ex anymore...and if she does try to talk to me, I am giving her the cold shoulder...overall I think things are starting to improve a day by day..
     
  18. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    She needs to be banned from life...you know how many of us girls would kill for some shit from Sephora??????

    DROP THIS BITCH AND GET A BETTER WOMAN :eek5:

    :love:
     
  19. wicked max

    wicked max New Member

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    I know she liked it....She was pretty much at a loss of words now that I think back..She asked me, "How do you know about Sephora??" I was thinking in my head, " Bitch please, other than my cock i know what makes you bitches wet." but instead I replied, " oh I know about all this stuff" I'm pretty sure she liked it since the next time I saw her she was doing her nails with a french manicure set that was in there. But yeah my next womans is going to have to earn my business...she can can have the cock though:o
     

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