FRK I either need to quit reading this forum, or get a divorce...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Antigeek, Feb 10, 2005.

  1. Antigeek

    Antigeek Who Dat!

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    Newbie here BTW...

    Out of curiosity, I signed up here at OT to BS about something other than cars and motorcycles. And stumbled into this forum. :eek3:

    Background: I'm a 30ish man, married to a woman I've been with for 10 years, no kids, faithful the whole time, but sexually frustrated.

    I've read the threads about women fingering guys, taking it IDB, giving it IDB, being submissive, giving head, talking dirty during mid-afternoon phone calls, mutual masturbation, etc.

    If I suggest any of the above, my wife calls me a freak, a pervert, twisted, etc. I honestly believe that she thinks there's something wrong with me.

    But after seeing what a random sampling of folks on the 'net are doing with their SO's, I'm beginning to think I'm the normal one, and she's sexually retarded or something.

    If I'm lucky, we have sex once a week... missionary position (once in a while she'll get on top), one small bullet vibe from time to time, very little oral, no spanking/pictures/anal play/bondage/Ds/fetish/kink/etc.

    It's not unlike having sex with a 16 year old inexperienced girl, except for the fact that she's also 30ish and we've been together for a long time.

    I'd love to experience some new things sexually, but she never wants to try anything out of the "ordinary". She thinks it's either perverse, degrading, doesn't want to be in pictures, etc.

    When she drinks, she'll loosen up some, but still won't be too adventurous. And on top of it, she rarely drinks more than a glass of wine from time to time. The last time she really partied was our wedding reception. Hell, our honeymoon, I think we had sex 3 times. In 6 days. :eek3:

    I currently keep myself in check with cybersex and porn. But the temptation to meet new people is stronger now than it ever has been. I don't want to be one of those guys regretting his life when he's 70, but at the same time I don't want to cheat.

    I have some fairly conventional beliefs about each spouse's role in marriage. Nothing caveman or archaic, but each partner should be willing to satisfy the other. I also believe that most men are unfaithful because of something the spouse is doing (or not doing) leading to them being unhappy. And vice versa for the women. I know my buddy's ex was cheating on him because of how he treated her at home and out.

    I've honestly run out of ideas of things to try with my wife though... She won't watch porn, or read stuff I find, or even look at a couple books I've picked up with "ideas". She's against finding a relationship counselor for whatever reason, I have no idea. And with her wanting to start a family soon, I know that if it happens things will only get worse, as she'll have a whole new range of excuses as to why our sex life sucks.

    Any ideas?
     
  2. Smoked

    Smoked $5.50? Man fuck the avatar...how about you just sh

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    Do you love her?
     
  3. Antigeek

    Antigeek Who Dat!

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    If I didn't I wouldn hang around as long as I have.

    Edit: Let's clarify this a bit... Other than our lame ass sex life, she's wonderful. Bright, funny, sexy, friendly, not bitchy, but not too sweet, driven, outgoing, etc. She's one of those women it's hard to not like.

    Yes, I love her.
     
  4. contactone

    contactone OT Supporter

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    People get used to the same thing sometimes. She's either straight up not into anything you mention or scared to try something new for fear that you will in turn think she's the freak.
     
  5. neebelung

    neebelung Guest

    Wow. Sorry to hear that.

    I would honestly say I have only two suggestions - One, show her that post (or some semblance of).... she may not realize how uptight she's being. While I woulnd't expect you to be able to turn her into a sexxed-up pornstar over night, if she realizes how frsutrating this is for you, she might be willing to try to open up a bit more.

    And, then there's counselling. Specifically, a sex therapist. You've obviously got some very different ideas of what constitutes a healthy sexlife, and you need to find some middle ground on which to meet. And it may very well take a professional to explain to her that most of the things you're asking for aren't "weird" or perverted, but are merely normal, healthy expressions of lust and desire between two people.

    I wish I had more advice to offer you... but I don't.

    Good luck, and keep us posted on any progress!



    P.S. But whatever you do, don't fall victim to your lust and go cheating on her....
     
  6. Smoked

    Smoked $5.50? Man fuck the avatar...how about you just sh

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    Then you need to communicate.

    If she refuses to go to any kind of counseling, you have a problem.

    The root of it all is that you guys need to talk about this particular issue.
    Rest assured if you were doing something wrong, she'd force you to talk about it.

    Time to be the Alpha male.

    Schedule an appointment regardless, don't give her a chance to say "no thanks", just tell her you need to talk about this and since she refuses to discuss it, you're seeking professional help (but her opinion would be welcome and wanted).

    If she doesn't go, you may feel better just talking to someone professional.

    Fer chrissakes don't for ask marriage advice here though.

    sheesh
     
  7. Tornado6

    Tornado6 When the wind set down in funnel form and pulled y

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    First, let me just say that not everyone who posts on FS has amazingly freaky sex every day. Most of us have ordinary sex, and sometimes NO sex. Most of us have things that don't work out. Some of us are not lucky enough to be in committed relationships with people who we genuinely like, admire, and adore. People tend to post the best stuff, and leave out the gory details, but believe me, it isn't all whips and chains all the time.

    Second, you are not going to change your wife, but you probably can influence her. Women typically like to please, so if you casually mention something slightly kinky (start off slow) that seems really sexy, she may gradually get her head around it and try to make you happy. Don't write her off because your approach has been blunt and clumsy :) You'll need finesse and patience and sincerity to get her interested in something you're interested in. She probably believes that she'll seem cheap. You have to convince her slowly and steadily that she'll really be a goddess, not a whore.
     
  8. Smoked

    Smoked $5.50? Man fuck the avatar...how about you just sh

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    I've been married too long to believe this anymore.

    The older I get, the crazier I think they all are.
     
  9. neebelung

    neebelung Guest


    The last thing this poor guy needs is your bitterness!! :nono:



    (j/k.... however, SOME of us do aim to please!)
     
  10. Tornado6

    Tornado6 When the wind set down in funnel form and pulled y

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    Ok, that may be true. We are sometimes crazy. BUT, if you catch us on the right day, at the right time, and Mercury rises in Scorpio or something... we do like to please. It isn't necessarily a sexual thing. So many women suffer from "can't say no" disease because they are "people pleasers." Most women do enjoy knowing that they've made someone they care about happy / horny / well fed, etc. This can be healthy, and you can also us it to your advantage. The secret is to say what will make you happy, then let it stew until we think it was our idea ;)
     
  11. Jeff Merr

    Jeff Merr Elite Member

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    Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship if its important to you, that is a big connection that you both do not share anymore. Was she different before you married her? Before you go so far as to get a divorce, i would talk to her, tell her you want to be more sexual and experience things, if she doesnt understand your feelings or atleast discuss it with you, then start looking at divorce. You have no kids, so be thankful you dont have to deal with that, good luck!
     
  12. Chrissy

    Chrissy dnb doll

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    it's funny, out of the several relationships i've been in the ones that work are the least sexually active ones...it sucks but that's how it always goes. if i'm with a guy for longer than a few months my sex life suffers but other aspects of the relationship are great (understanding, less arguments, intense conversation, many common interests). if i'm with him for a short period of time the sex is usually spectacular but there is no real "relationship" outside of that.
     
  13. Smoked

    Smoked $5.50? Man fuck the avatar...how about you just sh

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    That's why I didn't type up a diatribe on the subject of womens mental stability.
     
  14. Antigeek

    Antigeek Who Dat!

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    What is this "women's mental stability" you speak of? :nuts:
     
  15. Smoked

    Smoked $5.50? Man fuck the avatar...how about you just sh

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    heh
     
  16. Smoked

    Smoked $5.50? Man fuck the avatar...how about you just sh

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    They are good at balancing things on their head.
     
  17. Antigeek

    Antigeek Who Dat!

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    Ahh... ;)


    On another note, the only other LTR I've had was 5 years with the one I affectionately refer to as "Psycho Hose Beast", or PHB.

    In the bedroom, she was great. Would do anything I could come up with, and came up with some stuff on her own.

    Everywhere else on the fucking planet she was impossible to deal with. Manic Depressive, compulsive liar, no self respect, no drive or determination.

    You could trade her sexuality for my wife's and make the perfect woman and the pentultimate evil bitch.
     
  18. Smoked

    Smoked $5.50? Man fuck the avatar...how about you just sh

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    If that came from Milton Bradley, I'd buy it.
     
  19. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    You poor man... it sounds like she's one of those tight lipped christian nut jobs.. you know, the ones that are afraid of us freaks... :naughty: (I know I'm going to catch hell for saying that... but sue me, I'm a liberal hippy.)

    Try asking her why she feels the way she does. Maybe you'll get some insight and it'll make breaking the ice with some freaky stuff a little easier.

    And you're right, you're actually part of the normal society. Wanting to experiment is healthy and its fun as hell. I wish you all the best :x:
     
  20. Natas

    Natas O&A Party Rock

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    wow, this reminds me of a friend I have, been with the girl 15 years, had sex for the first 5, then nothing for 10 years, NO sex. He ended up marrying her. She was worth more than all of that.

    Good luck, I wish I had some info for ya
     
  21. Smoked

    Smoked $5.50? Man fuck the avatar...how about you just sh

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    Let me get this straight
    no sex for 10 years, then he marries her?
    How much is she worth?
     
  22. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    must be a lot... dammit i need a blangblang smiley here :mamoru:
     
  23. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    I find it hard to understand that you have lasted soo long. Sex is such an important part of a relationship. Have you sat her down outside of the bedroom and talked to her seriously about how you feel?
     
  24. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    Excellent post. I'm sure the other forums around here could be painted with the same brush. :bigthumb:
     
  25. _syn

    _syn New Member

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    I know a FS'er who is dating a cat that would be PERFECT for your wife... :)
     

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