What the hell is it with me? Was I born to be a loser my whole life? Will things only get worst all the time? Is there any hope for me at all to one day be happy? I was born to violent and abusive parents who were also religious. They kept me isolated from everyone all my childhood, told me it was a sin to do everything, they beat me all the time and repeatedly told me that I wasn't good. I had the most lonely childhood and it seems as if it will continue like that all my life. Also, I was teased and beaten up at school repeatedly because it's ok in english schools to beat up the french canadians. If you beat up a jew or a black person because of his color or his religion, you're a racist, but if you beat up a kid because he's french canadian then nobody cares. In fact, the teachers and staff of the school will encourage it by constantly demeaning french canadian history and taking apart everything taht is associated with being a french canadian. So basically, I was abused at school and at home and always felt like shit all the time. I don't have a single happy memory from my childhood. Well except maybe for those activity days that I never went to because my parents would never let me: I'd stay at school alone without any bullies and I could be in peace. In fact, all my best moments were spent alone since I had no friends and the absense of people usually meant that I was safe from harm. Despite all of this, and the fact that I totally hated school, I still managed to graduate from high school as valedictorian and with the highest marks in every subject. Of course, people hated me even more for that and were even jealous of me for some reason. I would like to again emphasize that I hate school: it's not that bad, but I'm not that interested in anything I study and I just feel so lonely. So anyways, I continued CEGEP and then University after that. I'm currently in my third year of Software Engineering. I graduated from CEGEP with the highest marks in my program and I still have in University and A average. I'm 22 years old, I never had any real friends, never had a girlfriend and I'm still a virgin. I'm living alone with my sister. My parents I haven't seen in years and I don't want to see ever again. I've managed to live alone with my sister and work through CEGEP and University. Now I just don't want to go on like that. Life is too difficult and only brings you pain and suffering. I try to go on by saying that the future will be better. However, I feel as if the future will only get worst. I will get a job that I hate, will be alone all the time, will have to work 50 hours a week to accumulate money that I don't even want. All I want is for someone to love me and have someone to love. Is that asking so much? BTW, I also work out 3 times a week, I'm in great shape, I have many "friends" at university (people who say "hi, how are you" every day, yet it means nothing), I'm not antisocial and I think I'm pretty good looking. However, my life has basically no meaning, and is only work and not fun. If it continues like that, I just don't see why I would want to live anymore. I don't say any of this to anyone I know. I can't say I haven't thought of suicide. Although, if I would suicide, I'd tell my "friends" and "family" that I am moving to a foreign place and would just commit suicide without even writing a note or anything. That way, I wouldn't seem like a drama queen and I wouldn't hurt my sister since she'd think that I'm still alive somewhere. Can someone please tell me why I should go on? Everyone just wants me to fail anyways.