SRS I dont want to die, but I really do not see the point of going on

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Paulie Walnuts, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    Everything in my life has fallen in around me again and I cannot take it anymore. I do not want to die but I do not want to live and deal with it anymore. My wife has left due to my stupidity. If I do not pass a revenue objective at work by next Thursday I lose my job. All my friends have abandoned me. I have no money, I am within one paycheck of being flat broke. I have nothing and nothing to look forward to. I would do it today if I knew that I would not go to hell. I cannot deal with this anymore. If I lose my job that will be it. There really would be no point in going on. I miss my wife so fucking bad and I cannot talk to her or contact her. Her myspace says that she has separated from me. I walk around on egg shells all day thinking that someone is following me and waiting to serve me papers. Dear God what did I do to deserve this life. My whole life has been nothing but misery, why go on.
     
  2. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Therapist, now. Go through the county health services and it will be cheap(re:sliding scale)


    /thread
     
  3. keeler

    keeler New Member

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    stop torturing yourself by checking up on her. shit will get better, it always does. seeing a therapist would definatly help. I wish i had done it sooner, i wasted so many years battling my demons on my own. the help is there, it will make you feel better, faster. GL.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You have the power to turn it all around. You have the power to create a life of your dreams. You want to quit but don't....this too shall pass.

    It's in our darkest moments that we come face to face with who we are and it's in these moments that we can make enormous changes in our lives.

    I think you need help and support through this time and I agree, you need therapy. You can also go get some books from the library. One I would suggest is by Anthony Robbins called Awaken The Giant Within. It's a fantastic book that will teach you how to make big changes in your life.

    You are not the only one that has been in this kind of situation. I have too, not a divorce but I was so close to bankruptcy that it was amazing I made it out without one. I had to realize that I didn't know shit and I needed to learn how to live in this world. When I was soo fucking miserable and alone and broke, I sold the one valuable asset I had left....a police scanner. It was like a $500 scanner and I sold it for $250, I think. I took that money and bought Anthony Robbins "Personal Power" tape program and that started me on my journey.

    Now on that journey I happened to discover that I was also an alcoholic and I needed help to treat that fucking disease. None of this was easy but I'm so glad I hung in there because life can be really beautiful.

    I've been through hell on earth and came out the other side a better man. You can to. It's totally worth it and I hope you'll make the choice to carry on.

    Good Luck and God Bless.
     
  5. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    I started seeing one last week but cannot get into see him again for about 2 weeks. Not sure how its going to help
     
  6. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    She is my wife, I love her more than I love myself. All I ever wanted in life was someone like her and to be moderately successful and now she is gone and if I dont pass this work test, Im out of a job. With no job, no dual income and my debt I will never escape so there is no point in going on.
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    yes there is!

    You can escape...even if it all turns to shit. You can declare bankruptcy if it gets bad enough. You can also try to cut back on expenses and work your way out of it.

    There's a lot to live for....overcome something as huge and smothering as a mountain of debt is an amazing feeling. I've been there and done that.
     
  8. keeler

    keeler New Member

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    you've been living your life for your wife, start living life for yourself. you deserve someone better.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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  10. Marcos

    Marcos OT Supporter

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    thinking of war helps, take a look through a WW2 gallery, take some time to realise that no matter what the hell you think you are going through now, 1000's and 1000's of people before you have been through much worse just so you have the chance to live today freely.

    ok, so you're not competing with the rest of the world in terms of glamorous lifestyle, but you've got to start small when you're rebuilding your life, and when you succeed, you'll have much stronger foundations to your character than those who have never had to deal with and conquer problems.
     
  11. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I gotta ask; what did you do, or not do, that caused all of these things to happen? Since it is your life, you must be implicated somehow. So what did you do wrong? And what can you do differently?
     
  12. keeler

    keeler New Member

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    no no. no one has to do something wrong. Right and wrong are merely labels, try to think of what you can take away from the situation, try to learn and better yourself because of it. but first comes grieving, take your time brother no need to rush these things.
     
  13. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    Here's how I think of things. There is no point to life. Therefore I can make whatever I want out of it whenever I want, however I want (Within reason of course).

    If you don't like the past learn to forgive and let go and then move on. This is the toughest part but a good way of thinking about it is that the past, just like the future, only exists in your mind. If you are hung up about something it's because you let it. You will be worm food soon enough, don't be foolish and kill yourself now.

    Here's some shit to put your mind on the right track:

    1832- Lost job and defeated for state legislature
    1833- Failed in Business and as a farmer
    1835- Love of his life died
    1836-Had nervous breakdown
    1838-Defeated for speaker
    1843-Defeated for nomination for congress
    1848-Lost renomination
    1849-Rejected for land officer
    1854-Defeated for US Senate
    1856-Defeated for nomination for Vice President
    1858-Again defreated for senate

    1860- President Lincoln

    Now these are just footnotes on his tough life but he learned from his mistakes and obviously didn't dwell on the past in a negative way or else he woudln't have tried, and failed, so often.
     
  14. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Completely off subject, but Lincoln never attempted to be a farmer. :)

    But Lincoln is always an incredible example of someone who was brought up with nothing and achieved what many consider success.
     
  15. keeler

    keeler New Member

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    ... oddly enough sounds kinda like fun. i live my life for new experiences, and that sounds like quite an experience.
     
  16. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    Shit. I didn't write it though and I've lived in Canukistan for 24 years so you'll have to forgive me on missing some details of American history. :o
     
  17. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Why do people think they have the only true history of someone or something. Isn't it possible that he did try to be a farmer and you just haven't read that book or heard that story?
     
  18. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Listen clearly.

    All things will come to pass.

    This, as remarkable as it seems, is a potent time of self discovery. This is when you can learn the most about yourself.

    So what if we lose our job? When one door closes, another one is opened. Something must die in order for something to be born.

    You are probably just really, really tired by the sounds of it. And I have felt that tremendous weight. Had I known now, then, I would have used those terrible experiences as extreme self observation.

    You are becoming very identified with the situation. We cannot be like that, we cannot identify with these chemical messengers, this will get us killed.

    If you find that you are becoming very identified with the cowards door out - suicide - please give yourself a half hour, please allow yourself to contact multiple people, and please notify the authorities.

    Yes, they will take you to a safe place, and if you cooperate, you will not be getting out of there until you get your head clear. There are other ways of clearing your head other then a gun.

    That is important. Do not give yourself time to identify with terrible things, if you feel the push to leave life because it is so terrible at a given time, please contact someone to rescue you.

    I cannot recommend any more then that, because first sir it is imperative that you give a shout for help so we can find you, in the dark cloud you are in. I cannot hear you from here, however others can, I recommend 911.

    Do not let the darkness that is hell surround you and choke you to death. It is all but an illusion, one that seems to have no end!
     
  19. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    You kept threatening to leave her, so she left you instead.
    Every time you tell a woman to leave you make them feel a little less loved and a lot less self worth, you can be damned sure you're not the only one in pain right now. She won't want anything to do with you for a long time.
    You will find someone else and won't make the same mistakes. Life goes on, life gets better.
     
  20. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Of course it's possible, but I've read many letters that Lincoln wrote himself expressing how he had absolutely no desire to ever be a farmer.

    There has to be some point of convincing. To me, his own words are very convincing.
     
  21. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    I always thought he grew up farming and couldn't do it because he hated it so much.
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I've always wondered (keep in mind this is completely coming from a logical standpoint and not an emotional one at all) that if one was suicidal, why not just entirely devote your life to benefiting others? If you're ready to die, you obviously don't care about what happens to you, so why not help others (greater good)? Go make someone else happy.

    That might even release some feel-good chemicals and make you want to live again.



    edit - I'm sure tho that if one is suicidal, they probably don't care about other people, much less themselves, and therefore wouldn't be inclined to dedicate their life to benefiting others. Depression chemicals in the brain and such.
     
  23. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    That's exactly right.

    When I say he "never had a desire to do it," I mean he didn't like it even when he was forced to do it by his father. Once he broke away from his family and went out on his own, he didn't want to farm and he didn't think much of his farmer father either.
     
  24. n o o d l z

    n o o d l z New Member

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    If there's one thing I've learned so far in life...it's that negative thoughts results in negative events. When you sit around and sulk about how terrible your life is, you aren't accomplishing anything, you're digging yourself deeper.

    I used to be in the same boat, I felt like all the shit in the world rested on my shoulders. I was one class away from failing out of college, I was in a deteriorating relationship of 3 years (girl cheated on me), and I wasn't getting along with my parents. Literally overnight, I had an epiphany and decided that I was going to quit with the bullshit. It helps to realize that no matter what is going on in your life, most people out there probably have it worse (you have a place to live, you live in a country where there's more opportunity than many others, you're healthy). No matter what happens in your life, you will still have problems to deal with. If you win the lottery tomorrow, your problems won't disappear. The difference between those who live happily, and those who don't, is completely controllable with your mind.

    Think positive, and good things will happen. When something negative happens, take it as a lesson learned. Instead of wasting your time crying about it, understand what went wrong and use it to improve something you still have control over...your future. I know it sounds really fucking cliche, but I can vouch for it because I live by it. I've since graduated college, I moved out of state to a place I feel I'll live for the rest of my life, I have a new girlfriend of almost 3 years that is a perfect match, we've bought a house, stable job, and I've never been happier.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2008
  25. FuzzyBunny

    FuzzyBunny I Doubt It

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    If you've ever been in a position in your life where you just can't take any more, you just have to get through the next second, and the next second after that.
    Michael Novak
     

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