SRS i dont want this, but i cant let her go either.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by antihero, Feb 19, 2006.

  1. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    ok, this is honestly getting to the point where even i realize im acting ridiculously.

    ive got a great girl is really likes me.. always have a great time, really connect, she is smart, and very sane. and im thinking that i might have to stop seeing her just because the more into me she gets the more i have the urge to gtfo. :nuts: the fact that she is even contemplating something serious makes me want to break up with her to try to avoid it being worse for her later, when she finally realizes im not joking when i tell her im not the cute house and 2 kids, and an suv kinda ith y. I feel like im wasting her time and energy and that im taking advantage of her. the posibility that i might actually decide to settle with her or anyone else as the last girl i ever have date seriously/have sex not that seriously with is inconcievable. im 26 years old... shouldnt i be feeling some urge for stability or some such?

    to complicate things, its a long distance and open relationship. the open part definitely more for me then her, though she did once "break up with me" to date some other guy for a while... So she is basically putting up with my lack of attentivity, having sex with other girls, and just in general not treating her like she deserves...im angry at her for not being here. she has the best of reasons (grad school) but i cant forgive her for insisting on making this something so serious when she simply does not have the time to devote to it. Any attempt to keep things light on my part is met with the strongest most persistant resistance. I "put up" with her being not with me 10 months out of the year, and her constant need to talk on the phone as best i can, which isnt nearly enough for her. everything is just so good when shes here though :hs:

    I love the time i spend with her, but i could go a week or two without a phone call and be happier then saying goodbye on the phone every night. i only get to spend like 6 weeks a year with her. it just isnt worth it, but on the other hand, how can you get let go of someone great.

    ill be fine by myself. id rather be by myself then in a long distance relationship. but i want her to be happy. i wish some other guy would sweep her off her feet. I cant ever imagine looking her in the eye and telling her i dont want her though...

    im sorry this probably is a bit rambling and disorganized, but im just going to post it before i change my mind.
     
  2. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    also, she graduates next spring... and even though im always happy to spend time with her, is scares the hell out of me at the same time. not in the good excited scared either.

    basically I think of us as having been casually together for 3 months, and she thinks of us as being seriously together for nearly 2 years. I'm very uncomfortable with that fact. Im always the one that moves slower in relationships even when things are even. her level of emotional investment scares the hell out of me and makes me feel so guilty. I dont even know if its a can't or a won't issue, but i simply am not anywhere near the same place as her in this relationship.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Only sex and no commitment.

    We call it leeching, and it basically means that your 'ego' can only 'take' and not give anything back.

    "the solution"

    Perceive things from other people's 'shoes'. Have you ever thought about her dreams? That all girls think 'marriage' , and 'commitment'? Wanting a family, and a future?

    You probably haven't , or are scared to commit yourself.

    I can only say to you , at one point in life you have to choose eggs for your money. You are getting older, and so is she, and how long do you still have to live? The time of screwing around is over, i think that you should settle down and marry with her. If this is the woman that has it 'all' that you want in life. Then you don't have to search for anything else anymore.

    In this time you should be thinking more about the future then living just day by day. I think you really have to talk to her and say something like 'look i have made my mind up and ( i want to bail our OR i want to commit myself to you ) , its unavoidable that she will leave you at one point to search for a man to commit herself to, so unless its you who knows what guy will head off with a happy future with her.

    The way you describe her, she sounds like marriage material to me. Im putting up the Go ahead and green flag signal here.
     
  4. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Hey, if you cannot make up your mind, don't leave her in the lurch. Dangling someone is just not right. It's not a yes or no thing. After all, she has feelings too. If you do not want to commit, tell her so. Discuss your parameters, be gentle, be diplomatic and above all else, realize you are delaing with a fellow human being that has feelings.
     
  5. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    i have explained everything as well as i can. I have tried to tell her over and over again. I have tried so hard to try to get her to look as a fun fling type romance.. but she just cant do it. I have been completely honest with her, in fact i go overboard emphasizing the fact that I want her to slow down and take it easy and that i dont see myself settled down any timie soon. I have asked her to please please date around while she is away. She says she knows I'm a bad idea, and in her own words this in "inevitable trainwreck" but shes "along for the ride" anyway...

    I cant believe its come to this. I either propose tommorow or tell her we shouldnt see each other any more? :wtc:
     
  6. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    DITT, to the O.
    :)
     

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