SRS I don't think I've ever felt so alone.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GlassJoe, Mar 8, 2005.

  1. GlassJoe

    GlassJoe New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    62,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Paris, France. Record: 1-99
    I've hit rock bottom. It started yesterday when I was talking with a couple of co-workers. We are always talking shit and making fun of one another about everything and nobody ever gets offended or hurt; but then the topic turned to my non-existent dating life.

    Normally, all the joking doesn't bother me, but as the conversation went on, more people started joining in and the next thing I knew, I had 5 or 6 people telling me how fucking pathetic I am. The whole conversation was one big wake-up call to how alone I really am.

    I haven't been on a date in almost 3 years and my longest relationship (if you can even call it that) lasted about 10 days. I'll meet a girl every now and then, but all they ever do is just build my hopes up and then brush me off (I got burned twice last week by two different girls).

    I left work early, got something to eat, and drank for 6 straight hours. The only reason I stopped drinking was because I ran out of alcohol and the liquor stores were closed. I've been sitting in my office all day trying to avoid talking to any of my co-workers because I don't even want to risk having yesterday's conversation being brought back up.

    I'm fucking sick of being single. I'm not looking to get married or anything right now, but it would be nice to have an actual girlfriend for once.
     
  2. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
  3. GlassJoe

    GlassJoe New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    62,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Paris, France. Record: 1-99
    I've tried online dating and come up empty every time. After filling out the personality profile, eharmony.com told me that I fit into the small percentile of people that they wouldn't be albe to help.
    That's a whole other thread topic.
     
  4. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,532
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Work on developing female friendships. Do you have any female friends? They can often times give you pointers, and set you up with their friends. It helps to have friends so you can learn about woman.

    As far as your friends are concerned, start making fun of yourself. Instead of trying to defend yourself and say you get girls or whatever, just admit you don't get any and make fun of it. I dunno, usually works for me, I get less harassment about not getting any if I admit it and make fun of it.

    As far as the alcohol is concerned, be careful, I'd advise avoiding drinking when sad at all times. Using alcohol to feel better and/or solve problems is alcoholic behavior, you may develop a much larger problem than you have now if you continue such behavior. See how you size up, be honest.
    http://www.aa.org/default/en_about_aa.cfm?pageid=4

    Dave Steel also made a good point, suggesting you may be too anxious with the ladies. One way to combat this is to envision every girl you meet simply as "a friend," regardless of how good you looks or how you feel about her. This might help you relax.
     
  5. Well Joe, I can tell you that who you are isn't defined by who does or doesn't love you or date you. I think the problem isn't with your dating life but rather the incredibly tactless way those people ventured onto such a personal topic - one that anyone with common sense should know would hurt - and continued to bombard you and punish you as though being single were a failure on your part.

    That's my opinion. I think they triggered in you feelings of being inadequate and they peeled open a scabbed wound that you yourself have been picking at for a long time. I think you've put a lot of weight on yourself to be in a relationship and that it's done a lot of harm to your self esteem and your individual self image value and confidence.

    My suggestion is simple: Stop picking the scab, understand that who you are *is* enough, and you're ok with or without a partner. Being a dating genius doesn't make someone a Zen master verse a piece of shit on some random corner. I think the better you feel about being alone, and being ok with what and who you are now - the better a partner you'll be when you ultimately do meet the right woman and have a long term relationship.
     
  6. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Work on your self and everything else should fall into place.
     
  7. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Messages:
    14,017
    Likes Received:
    0
    Almost every friend I have is involved in a relationship, most of the time. My longest one was two months, and they're always short, intense, and over. Its so much easier to be fuckable than dateable. Its kinda disappointing when bar-game goes from, "Lets ride bikes sometime," to "Come home with me and fuck me." I'm tired of casual sex that makes me elated for a day, but then leaves me damned lonely for a week. The worst that seems to happen is the sex is great, and we repeat it until things go kaboom.

    Sometimes I feel like you do. Hopelessly alone. Frustrated as hell at my inability to lead a "normal" life, in which a relationship sustains me, as it does the people around me. I kinda check myself on this, by thinking of people I could be in a relationship with, but that don't interest me or that do, but it would be a terrible idea to get involved with for numerous reasons.

    In the end, I usually get fed up. About the time I start resenting the happiness of others around me in their relationships... its time to get the fuck out. America isn't real. Texas sure as hell isn't. My inability to form lasting relationships at least gives me the ability to jump ship whenever I please. And you know, somehow... when I'm leaving, I tend to get involved with someone. Cause there's no chance of it lasting... cause I'm outskies.

    I'm 25, I don't have lasting relationships, and as such a "normal life" in America sucks for me. Blows ass chunks. But I'm a 25 year old American, and a month's wage here is a year's living in India. So fuck it. I'm dropping out. If a "normal life" isn't available to me, then at least I'll have an interesting one. And who knows... maybe I'll find someplace with someone I belong, along the way.

    Consider getting the fuck out of your so-called life, if it isn't what you hoped it would be. There's an entire world out there to see, full of love, death, sex, pleasure, pain, loneliness, emptiness, fullness, and coziness that you can only imagine if you experience it first hand. In this broader context that you have available to you, as a free citizen of one of the wealthiest nations on the planet, your problems don't amount to much. It only takes a little firsthand exposure to make you feel that, to know it...

    Things look so shitty from a cubicle lit by flourescent lighting, when you don't have a girlfriend. But there's three things wrong with that image, not one. Cubicle, Flourescent Lighting, and No Woman. Fix the first two, and maybe the third will take care of itself. Maybe not. But 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

    Me, maybe I'll die alone bleeding out my ass in some third world shithole. But I promise you that the paleness of my dying face won't because of flourescent lighting. ;)
     
  8. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2001
    Messages:
    5,038
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal Quebec Canada
    do you know yourself, why you can't get a date? some people know why, but choose not to change...

    oh and those fuckers who were bitching you out... are pussy whipped anyways...
    honestly you have it better off in terms of everything else.... you can to do WHATEVER you want WHENEVER you want... you don't have to check in or ask anyone if you can do something... or worry about your gf bitching over little stuff...

    ok, the only thing lacking is that love feeling of being with a girl... that'll come... there's someone out there for everyone...
     
  9. GlassJoe

    GlassJoe New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    62,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Paris, France. Record: 1-99
    I think you're pretty much dead-on with your analysis of evertying. I guess I shouldn't vilify my co-workers too much because sometimes I can be just as tactless. They struck such a nerve with me because over the 3 or 4 days before all this happened I had two different girls give me the impression that they were interested in me just to turn around and give me the could shoulder and then I found out that the last single friend I had is getting married. Now, every friend I have is either married or has a girlfriend and they're all kind of looking at me as if to say "it's your turn now."

    And I know that being single doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me, but for over 2 years my life has consisted of working, haning out with all my friends (along with their wives/girlfriends), and sitting at my apartment alone. Even the most self-confident people get lonely if they stay alone long enough. I'm not saying that I'm looking to marry someone right now, but something as simple as taking a girl out to dinner every now and then would make me happy, and I can't even get that.
     
  10. I know all too well. I think you'll be ok Joe, and I do understand where you're coming from.
     
  11. GlassJoe

    GlassJoe New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2002
    Messages:
    62,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Paris, France. Record: 1-99
    I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm just not an attractive guy. I'm only about 5' 5" and although I'm 23, at first glance people think I'm still in high school.

    It's always been the same thing every time I've met a girl that was actually interested: She starts brushing me off and I find out that it's because she's dropped me for some taller, better looking guy.

    I think the reason that my co-workers were so hard on me is because of the fact that they're all tall, reasonably handsome guys and they never had any problems with dating in their single days. They don't understand stuff like insecurity so it amazes them that I don't have a date every night of the week.
     
  12. Turpis

    Turpis Guest

    I am 21 and have literally been on 1 date my entire life, its so hard not to think about it, but the only advice I can give is to stay as busy as possible while your alone and don't get discouraged (if thats possible) by girls. A lot of times I think I am the only person like me in the world. I hope it helps to know you are not the only person that feels alone.
     
  13. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    :bowdown: :werd: :werd: :werd:

    i don't know how many times i get sick and tired of hearing "poor me... i don't have a gf/bf." :barf:

    people aren't going to make you happy! YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY!
    here are a couple of quotes that i absolutely love... post these around your house/apt and change your attitude!

    "All that we are is a result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become." --Buddha

    "Happiness is a journey, not a destination...for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one."
     
  14. Kyoushu

    Kyoushu きょうしゅ

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2002
    Messages:
    2,965
    Likes Received:
    0

    I really like those quotes. Reading the first one gave me chills.
     
  15. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2001
    Messages:
    5,038
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal Quebec Canada
    interesting, because at 6 feet tall, I always thought the shorter people had the advantage... I don't often see girls around my height.... :-/ my current gf is about 5 5 i believe...

    you know the best cure to solving the young look you have... hit the gym...

    My friend is a bouncer at cheers... when I first met him I thought he was 32...
    he was infact 19... he looked very old for his age... it's all because of the working out.

    now my question is.... do the girls brush you off for a taller better looking guy? or is that a simple cop-out? Is there something you do or don't do maybe?

    A girl who agreed to go out with you, already has her foot in the door. The other 50% depends on the impression you make. And honestly the looks, i'd say probably played a good 40% in the date setup... the other 10% based on charms/smile/etc... so you already had her on looks...

    Personally, I think i'm on ok looking guy (see am i hot thread for pic... haha) but i know if i ever went out with someone, they'd probably move after the first date... I'm just NOT very sociable... I have a hard time finding the right thing to say, etc.... I block up easily...

    Are you maybe shy with others? have a hard time openning up with women?
     
  16. *XxChocoTacoxX

    *XxChocoTacoxX Mmm... Choco tacos... :drool:

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2005
    Messages:
    468
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Urbana, IL.
    Uhh... the only thing I have to say to you is to just let things take their course. If you go out looking for just any woman, you'll find the ones that are just out there for a good time and don't really care who they'll get it from, just as long as they get it. What I find works the best is to just get a friendship going first. Don't worry about trying to be extremely likeable for them. Just be a good friend and be there for them. Then once you feel comfortable with them and you think they might want to start something more than just a friendship, start making your moves. I, like multiplexor, think I am an OK looking guy. I'm not hot, but I'm not ugly. I'm moderate. But what gets me the ladies is my personality. That and (like he suggested above) the fact that I hit the gym. Just work out, maybe 3 times a week and you'll start to notice a change in yourself in a couple of months. That will help you build up that confidence and that will take you a long way. But all the above is just a suggestion. You'll find what works best.
     
  17. Britney Spears

    Britney Spears New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2005
    Messages:
    541
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Beverly Hillz, California *~ I LOVE FANMAIL! ~* Je
  18. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    There it is. Thats key. It's not easy, but its definitely possible. Can't let life win by beating you down, you gotta just take a stand and do something about it. Obviously its easier said than done, but the only way to find out is to start.
     

Share This Page