SRS i dont think counseling worked for me

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DesignerAddic71, Mar 29, 2005.

  1. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    so about a month ago i started seeing the couselor on campus because i was feeling very very depressed. she confirmed that i suffer from depression as well as anxiety. on top of all the issues i am dealing with is my need to please everyone and not disappoint them-even people i dont know. unfortunately, that has carried onto my counselor. i cant fully open open up to her because i feel like if i tell her the truth i will be disappointing her. i really dont know what to do. im about to burst. i had a panic attack earlier today when i started thinking about all the things that are stressing me. i feel like giving up all together. i want to try another counselor but 1. i dont know where i can get one and 2. i think no matter who i go to i will have the same problem.

    sorry for the rant, im just so frustrated about what to do and disappointed in myself for letting things get this far.
     
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You sound like you're so depressed that you need to be taking an anti-depressant, just to make the therapy effective. If you're too far gone... no amount of talking can help. A medicine can target the depression/anxiety directly, helping you get well enough that you can open up and talk it out.

    Talk to your counselor about this.
     
  3. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    but i feel like i will be letting her down, even though the rational side of me tells me that i wont. i've been reluctant to take meds out of fear of addiction or something, and that a pill will make me happy instead of me making me happy. not sure if that makes sense in writing, but it does in my head lol
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Just ask her about medication then. You're not failing her... you're failing her, AND yourself, if you don't open up to her. But if you're not able to open up, then you've got to do something about that.

    The primary purpose of the early sessions in therapy is to get you to trust her, to open up. Don't feel bad about that. Its normal. She gets it. Its not going to upset anyone. At the same time... the quicker you open up, the quicker the healing can begin. So work at it. Its about YOU, not her.
     
  5. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Im not going to say anything Peyomp :-/
     
  6. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Thats too bad... you're so...

    wise, for a 20 year old.

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  7. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Do you want me to say something?
     
  8. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    well i just made an appointment to see her tomorrow morning at 10 15, although i am dreading going.
     
  9. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Keep dreading it. But go. Look, you need to say the stuff you said here, to her. Explain it. She is good at what she does... she can help. Explain how you are afraid to fuck up your therapy because you don't want to let her down, you have problems trusting her...

    Hell, print out this thread if you need to, and show it to her.
     
  10. Sancho

    Sancho New Member

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    Counseling did not work for me...
     
  11. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Thats because noone, and I mean noone, tells Sancho what to do. Sancho is a man of great respect in his home country of Bolivia. His word is law. He is one of the largest purveyors of Corinthian leather in all of Santa Rios. Thats really something, mang! He is renowned for mutliating chickens, deflowering virgins, and the gross consumption of gallons of rum with mountains of turkey pot pies. When Sancho's manly moustache quivers... men shake in their boots. Sombreros fall from heads. Women nervously pass gas. Sancho is feared as much as he is respected, you see. His parrot is named Tiwaxis, and hails from the planet of nebulon, where he was a comparitive literature professor. After a botched portal field trip from which he cannot hope to return, he has remained Sancho's only friend. For as Sancho knows no fear, he also knows not of love. Sancho loved once... long ago. Some say that she died. Others say that she was a man. But none say either of these things in earshot of the great Sancho.

    Sancho is a beautiful and complicated man. All hail Sancho. :bowdown:
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Ahh ha ha ha ha^^ good one.

    Still, DesignerAddict...STEP ONE. Talk over your concerns with your therapist.

    Lay it out on the table. You know, it IS possible to voice dissatisfaction with a
    person's services or work without being disrespectful.
    Simply communicate that you're not getting well fast enough, and that you're really concerned over then.
    It is absolutely valid to ask "WHEN should I be feeling better?"

    If you don't like the answers, then say "I'm a little concerned that it's taking too long"

    If you still don't like the answers, then find another therapist. Not all patients click with the first therapist they see. It's not like going to a supermarket and buying a product, which basically are all identical.

    Therapy is a very intimate, totally custom made product, designed just for you.
    And some therapists are more skilled than others (obviously). Having graduated from school is only the barest minimum requirement.

    A poor experience with ONE therapist doesn't mean that all therapy is useless.
    Ever had a bad meal at a restaurant? Of course. Are you going to say all restaurants everywhere are bad and you'll never eat out again? Likewise with therapy.

    If you're not sensing some kind of noticeable change within a couple of sessions (give it 3-5) then seriously consider changing therapists, but only AFTER first giving him/her a chance to explain themselves.
     
  13. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    my biggest problem is that i dont want to tell her whats really going on or whats bothering me because i dont want to disappoint her. she really is a nice person, and i dont mind holding regular conversations, but when it comes to what is bothering me or certain aspects of my life, i feel like there is a certain persona i must upkeep.
     
  14. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I think it would disappoint her if you DIDN'T tell her everything. That's what she was trained to do.

    Do what I call the "George Constanza" approach... go against every instinct you have right now and do the complete opposite. Remember that Sienfeld episode? If everything you're doing now is causing you this emotional result....the opposite can only cause the reverse effect. Funny how I take philosophy from a stupid TV show.

    Tell her everything so she can truly do her job and help you.
     
  15. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    you won't be disappointing your therapist.

    I mean, you don't need to answer this question here in a public forum but think to yourself, why do you think that you'd be disappointing her? If you cannot be open with her, you need to consider someone else then because you need to be able to air all your dirty laundry.

    Don't worry, they're forbidden to tell anyone anyways unless a court subpoenas them.
     
  16. johan

    johan Active Member

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    CHANGE THERAPISTS NOW. I'M completely 100% serious.
    You will never, repeat NEVER make siginifcant progress with this therapist.

    Try to find an older male therapist, but someone who does not represent a father-figure to you. No more "nice females".

    The therapist is not there to be your buddy. This is so important, I'll repeat that again: the therapist is not there to be your buddy.

    You should not pick a therapist you will have contact with in your regular everyday life. If you can't be honest with her, get a new one. Of course it takes time to open up and build trust, but if you're still on the persona kick, this is the wrong therapist for you.

    Maybe she reminds you of your mom, or something like that, and of course, who's going to tell their mom about their scat-eating fetish?

    One more thing: the therapist is heard it all before. This is a professional job.
    Think your secrets are too dark for her to hear? Not only are they not, I can bet that she's heard them before. And the guy you cross in the hallway just before your session probably has the same issue.

    If you're concerned you can't find another one, then do this. This is gonna take bravery so steel yourself.

    Tell her: "I haven't been totally honest with you, not that I'm lying but I'm having trouble opening up. I think I may have left out some parts or done some self-editing. "

    you may need to follow up with: "do you think you could refer me to another therapist? I find I'm not able to really express myself here".

    Trust me. You are a PATIENT to her. You're not breaking up with her.
    You're not her son, you're not her long lost cousin from Des Moines, you're not the spitting image of the 12-year old she ran over. You're a PATIENT. Trust her to be professional.

    Good luck.
     
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    What you are doing is absolute crap. YOU CANNOT SATISFY THE WORLD. Accept this limitation as a human.

    You can only do all that which is humanly possible and that what lies within your reach. It is a weakness in your personality that you seek other people's approval to validate your own existance. You need to start to be your own judge in life. And do those things which you think are necessary, and not what other people think is necessary for your life. Wether that dissapoints them ,who cares? They have to take care of their own lives, and you have to do what is right in your life. You can't be everyone's friend. You cant satisfy everyone, if you don't control other people's will to decide where they go or what they think, then what makes you say you can get everyone's approval either? Why do you need their justification for your own existence? Justify your own existence by approving your own actions yourself.

    You have been putting the ball in other people's court, while its supposed to be in your own. Grab the bal back and be in charge of your own game 'called life'.
     
  18. gum11

    gum11 Guest

    depression/anxiety is almost always caused by an imbalance in brain chemicals..you have to get a med + councelling to get rid of it in the long term..get a psychiatrist.
     
  19. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You just have to suck it up on this one, and tell her about this. You are wasting your money, otherwise.

    Also... I agree that it can be harder to open up to a woman. Especially if she is young and/or attractive. You feel like you need to impress her... whereas if it was an ugly middle aged man... it would be easier.

    If you can't open up this session, then switch.
     
  20. The fact that you're feeling this way is in-fact a sign that the counseling is working. I highly suggest continuing, and discussing exactly what you've said here with the therapist.

    You'll find that some of these feelings are exactly those which need to be talked about, and worked through. It will help you build trust with your specialist, but especially, it will be the perfect opportunity to prove to yourself that you're ready to stop being in control, and allowing others [including us] guide you in improving your quality of life.

    Your counselor will be much more effective for you if you're telling the truth about what you feel, and what you think. By the way, you won't disappoint your counselor. If she/her is like any therapist, they carefully analyze things from a detached point of view. This allows them to remain objective in helping provide you with the guidance you require. It is a part of their code of ethics to always put your therapy above all personal feelings, and 99.9% do just that - and it's all to help clients like you.
     
  21. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    thank you guys so much for all of ur input, it is very comforting to know that others are there for me.

    it is very hard for me to go to others for help, so the fact that i went to a counselor in the first place is an accomplishment to me. i have built this persona as a happy go lucky person who has everything going for her. i go to school (take 5 classes) and i work at a trial consulting agency (around 25-30 hours a week). i am always smiling, always laughing-as if i havent a care or a problem in the world. but on the inside i am slowly dying. i am slowly breaking down. i cant keep up this person that i have created. i am the one that everyone goes to with thier problems, i dont dare let them see mine.

    i know that all the things that are happening to me right now are my fault. i accept total responsibility and blame for them. i am now suffering the reprecussions of my actions and decisions. its just unfortunate that the consequences for almost every decision i have made are coming at the very sime time in my life.

    everything i have just told u is what i cant seem to tell my therapist. i cant seem to tell anybody. you all are the first people in the entire world that i have shared this with.

    not sure what the point of this post was, i didnt really address anything u guys said. but if you got this far, thanks for reading-and ur input is always appreciated and looked forward to.
     

  22. (1): This is not surprising given you felt you might disappoint the counselor. It's difficult for someone who helps others to also admit that they have needs as well. Being human, you have bad days - you're just as much in need of a support system and guidance as anyone of us, including me!

    (2): Blame implies you should have known better. I think it's safe to change that word and use "responsible." You're accountable for all things you have the power to change, but it doesn't mean you did anything wrong per se. For how can you know any better when you simply don't know. So try to understand that you're not all knowing, and sometimes errors happen. It's not what happens to you that necessarily is important, but instead it's how you respond to what happens that defines what happens from this point on. Blame isn't useful,-- we don't need to berate you, and neither do you - but accountability? Now that's golden.

    (3): And are you surprised when I say I don't think any less of you? I mean what more could I expect than your best effort? Do your best: Sometimes it's enough, and sometimes it won't be. Right now you're doing the right things, and we're supportive.

    (4): Apparently you needed to let us know how hard it is for you to make the decisions you've been making. I'd say that's pretty reasonable when you've been holding things in for a long time, and wearing a facade that can't take anymore pressure.
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You seem able to write down your feelings well enough.

    Either print out what you've written on OT, or write something fresh.
    Pretend its for OT, if you have to, in case the thought of writing it for your counselor gives you nerves.

    Next session, hand it to your therapist. Try hard to be honest.
    Some amount of shielding is to be expected, its hard to verbalize uncomfortable things to another person.

    So try handing her a pre-written note containing all the things you've been able to share here, but feel unable to say to her face.

    Good luck.
     

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