SRS I don't post, Or lurk very often.. But I need help.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Jovian, Feb 28, 2008.

  1. Jovian

    Jovian New Member

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    My story.

    I'm 21, Haven't had many relationships and life is generally boring for me. I have a job that doesn't require me to leave the apartment so there really isn't much going out.

    I live away from family and friends so i'm alone.. a lot.

    I met someone online and things were seemingly perfect for the longest time. We talked for about 2months before we decided we'd finally meet.

    When we did meet, Everything was amazing. We had fun, We clicked well, It really was everything I could hope for. Anyhow, After that first weekend together it was time for me to leave.

    I went home, We still talked every day/night, Things were great. We were both dealing with the long distance very well, we knew the distance would end sooner than later, I would have moved to her instantly.

    We met up a few more times and again, Everything was.. Perfect. No fights, Amazing nights, We spent them together as a couple. It was just.. too good to be true. We were completely and totally in love with each other, Or so I thought.

    I had ended up flying up to see her once again (because she wanted me too, it had only been a little over a week since we had seen each other), We had another amazing weekend. Everything went well, as it had been all along. We spent every night together. She wanted to go look at apartments with me in her area which was totally okay with me. I was willing to move up to her and she knew that. .. After the weekend ended, I jumped on the plane back home. Not a single thing went wrong that entire weekend, But.. When I got home she told me that she was 'unsure of us'. that she didn't want to rush into anything.

    .. I was okay with that, I didn't want to rush her. But then she said she wanted to start seeing other people until she was actually sure of us. ;|

    Long story short, She decided to end 'us' later that day as a couple. Because after 6months still being unsure of the relationship she wasn't sure if she'd ever be. She told me countless times that "I was the one" that "she wanted to be with me forever", I don't understand where things went so wrong. she said she was upset with herself for not being anywhere near as dedicated to the relationship as i was.

    I can't bring myself to stop thinking of her. I had no real closure up until recently. She's already with another guy 2 weeks later. :\

    What can I do to get her out of my mind? I'm not a bounce back type of person so jumping into another relationship isn't going to do anything.

    I've tried keeping myself busy, Going tot he gym, Beach and other random activites. But, for some reason - I just randomly think of her again. :\

    Talk some sense into me, please.. I'm tired of being heartbroken over something that doesn't deserve my time but gets it anyhow.

    I'm pathetic. I know.
     
  2. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    Actions > words. her words dont match her actions at the end. just be damn glad she did it before you moved out there.
     
  3. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    She was a succubus disguised as a real woman. Seriously, I don't think LDR's work. I was in an LDR with a girl who described our relationship as being in another dimension of time and space. :ugh: Everything was great until she moved out here and then it was like the fairytale was immediately over. Be glad that she's honest enough about her feelings and didn't push you into something she may have liked the idea of more than anything else.
     
  4. Sybill

    Sybill New Member

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    You are not pathetic. You are heartbroken and hurt by someone who led you to believe you meant as much to her as she did to you. Your expectations regarding her were totally realistic given all that she said and how she was with you. So the last thing you are is pathetic. And since it's over, it hurts. That will take time to get over; you can't will yourself to get over it and move on. But yeah, like people said, it's better she ended it now before she made you move there. Maybe she just got cold feet when the reality of being together hit her. Aluyminyum might be right that she liked the idea more than the reality.
     
  5. Tzuma

    Tzuma New Member

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    How much time are we talking here? It doesnt sound like much (2 months talking + several more weeks).

    You sound clingy. Not that thats a bad thing, she did appear to give you the impression that this was a solid relationship. However, with all the talk of you willing to do this or that, and being heartbroken over this LDR, I think theres more to this story.

    I think getting away from her, however, was your best opportunity. She obviously wasnt very open with you, as she pulled a 180 out of seemingly nowhere based on your story. She gave you empty promises (the one blahblah) that it doesnt appear she ever planned to keep. Youre better off without her.

    Its always harder when they find someone else after you quickly - you cant help but feel like your relationship is completely invalidated by their ability to 'get over it' so quickly. The truth of course, is entirely different.

    Good luck.
     
  6. Jovian

    Jovian New Member

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    We talked for 2months before meeting, Tzuma. We were in a 'relationship' for 6months.

    I would say i'm somewhat clingy - When i'm in a relationship I give it my all, I do everything I can to make things work - But the clingyness wasn't jealousy or anything of the sorts - I wasn't stopping her from doing anything she wanted to -- Whenever the 'talks about moving' came forward, It was because she was like - "I wish you would stay here, don't leave, be with me forever" kind of deals.

    I'm trying to see it like this. I wish it was easier, though.. I'm still out of the loop about it all ;\

    Pretty much how I feel. How did someone that meant so much to me do this to someone she seemingly felt the same way about. The routine of not having her there to talk to, write, visit is gone and it's just so different.

    2 weeks later and already in a relationship just felt like a smack in the face.

    This morning I was resisting the urge to call, write, or text her so i figured i'd see if anyone could help, so I posted here.


    Thanks everyone for the responses :hs:. I am happy she ended it before we made a move. It's still tearing me apart, though.
     
  7. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    They do, but you have to BOTH be 100% dedicated to it. My husband and I started our relationship in a LDR, and it was that way for 6 months before I moved to SC.

    To the OP: Be very glad she was honest with you about her feelings before you moved out to be with her. That probably would have made this situation 100x shittier.
     
  8. Durandal

    Durandal New Member

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    You're not the pathetic one, she is. After you paid a shitload of money to fly down to where she was, she says she's "unsure?" What a fucking bitch. I find it truly impressive that you're not more bitter; it seems like you have a lot of self-control not to go on a mindless rant.

    Anyways, it's not at all your fault; she's probably just one of those cruel women who like to fuck around with a guy's heart. It may not be any consolation, but at least you hadn't moved there yet...
     
  9. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Its obvious shes moved on, do the same.
     
  10. Jovian

    Jovian New Member

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    If only it was that easy.

    Going from thinking you've got life completely planned out, 100% ready to settle down and then, well.. Starting back at step one - Isn't something easy to let go of and just move on.

    I'm trying. I'm trying not to think of her. I'm trying to avoid contact. .. Sometimes I just can't help it. She was my comfort for months, not having it anymore is killing.

    Just needed someone to talk to and didn't know where else to turn. I was surprised I even got a response here, Being someone that rarely visited these forums up until recently.

    I appreciate the words everyone.
     
  11. 2500

    2500 Guest

    You state a few things that caught my attention.

    You haven't been in many relationships... an effect of that could be your reason for being clingy. You haven't had that "someone likes me" feeling very often, so when someone does, you are in LOVE! and, could it be possible, this "relationship" was a LITTLE better in your mind than in real life?

    LTRs are good for people who need love, when theres none local and they like having their own lives still. You guys had your "love" for each other, but, as soon as she found something convenient, you were ended.

    I'd say it was a huge, rushed "stranger -> married", internet crush, and you should try to avoid that kind of situation in the future.
     

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