SRS I don't know who I am

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by familyguy101, Feb 3, 2007.

  1. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    I am worried about myself because of this. Even since I graduated high school, I havn't had a social life at all. I don't talk to anyone in my day. I have been working in the same job for about a year, and I don't talk to anyone there about anything unless it pertains to work. I am pretty sure that everyone around there considers me to be the "weird" kid. I dropped out of school. I don't know who I am. I barely even have a self image, but what I do see myself as makes me feel like shit. I never dated and I'm almost 20 years old. I work for a big corporation, and this corporation is draining me of my freedom. They are suckering me into working there for life, I just know that is what I'm going to be doing 10 years from now. That is another thing, I really dont' know where I will be in 10 years. I cannot stay focused on anyting for longer than 5 minutes. I don't talk to my family at all. My little sister is 14 and she is starting to smoke, but I don't have the balls to talk to her to tell her not to. I have trouble saving money. I made $14,000 in 2006 and only have about $700 in my bank account right now. It looks like all my money went to Mcdonalds, fast food, cigarettes, endless list of useless junk that I bought. I am growing up into an adult, but I still feel like an irresponsible, stubborn, messy child with chocolate all over his face. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have very bad mental problems for some reason. It might have something to do with the fact that my mom is on the brink of insanity, and my dad is a very weak and cowardly man. Notice how I am too cowardly to approach my little sister to tell her to stop smoking. Maybe my family's genes are bad? I know that in one way or another, I don't fit into this world. Maybe not the whole world, but in a very heated social area like the chicagoland area, I don't. Does anyone know where I would be happy? Because I am miserable right now. Just horribly depressed all the time. No matter how much sleep I get, I am still tired all day. I don't have anything exciting going for me right now, and people respond so negatively to me that I don't think I ever will. GOD help me you fucken cruel cocksucker. Do you even exist? FUCK YOU!! Why do I live this way? I don't know who I am.

    It is even harder when you don't have anyone to talk to. I am not a nerd, i don't play video games, I am not a player, I don't have any girls in my cell phone, I'm not assertive, I'm not anything. I'm just a mindless consumer in corporate America. I do what I'm told by my superior authority figures without question. If I don't, then I will be outcasted from society and put into prison. I have pretty much been scared enough by propoganda to not resist. just bend to the will of my corporate masters. I just want to drop all these cares and responsibilities and run away to live with some african tribe. They all seem happy. No direction, I hate school, don't care, confused, tired. At first I want everyone around me to leave me alone, but when they do, I freak out and want everyone back. I am extremely lost. Feels like I'm in a cage.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2007
  2. eidolon

    eidolon New Member

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    Don't blame your parents. Don't blame god. You are responsible for who you are. If you want to change who you are, fucking do it. Blaming your genes or your invisible friend and continuing to live the lifestyle you hate will get you nowhere. Accept that you dug the hole you are in, now you've gotta pull yourself out of it if that is indeed what you want to do.
     
  3. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    I can relate to a good bit of what you're saying. I think our problem is that as much as we think we hate our misery, we do get a certain pleasure out of it. There is a comfort in feeling like a victim, there is a comfort in being alone and depressed. We get so habituated that it's hard to break free from it. When we feel happy, we even think in the back of our minds, "this isn't going to last," and we set ourselves up for failure. We've accepted it as our default mode for living. It's pretty fucked up.
     
  4. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    Once you take responsibility for your prediciment, you'll break out of the rut. It's actually a very empowering feeling to take responsibility because you'll understand you have control.

    As long as you cast blame on others (parents, corporate America, genetics, your city, etc. etc.), you'll always have this victim mentality that does nothing to improve your situation. It's like people who live in dirt poor neighborhoods. If you believe others are to blame, then all you have left is complain and bitch. If you blame yourself, then you can get up, get an education, find a good job, etc.

    Like the previous post alluded to, sometimes it's easier to feel like a victim becuase you can remain lazy and point the figure at someone else.
     
  5. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Well you can't expect to save to much money on what you are making. Also, if you drop out of college you need to find a job that will let you go places and not be stuck making 8.00 an hour for years.
     
  6. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Not knowing who you are at 20 is not a bad thing. Its a good thing. You've plenty of time to explore who you are. Try new things. Some will fit, some won't. Thats who you are.
     
  7. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Yeah most people don't know who they are until about 25..
     

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