I am worried about myself because of this. Even since I graduated high school, I havn't had a social life at all. I don't talk to anyone in my day. I have been working in the same job for about a year, and I don't talk to anyone there about anything unless it pertains to work. I am pretty sure that everyone around there considers me to be the "weird" kid. I dropped out of school. I don't know who I am. I barely even have a self image, but what I do see myself as makes me feel like shit. I never dated and I'm almost 20 years old. I work for a big corporation, and this corporation is draining me of my freedom. They are suckering me into working there for life, I just know that is what I'm going to be doing 10 years from now. That is another thing, I really dont' know where I will be in 10 years. I cannot stay focused on anyting for longer than 5 minutes. I don't talk to my family at all. My little sister is 14 and she is starting to smoke, but I don't have the balls to talk to her to tell her not to. I have trouble saving money. I made $14,000 in 2006 and only have about $700 in my bank account right now. It looks like all my money went to Mcdonalds, fast food, cigarettes, endless list of useless junk that I bought. I am growing up into an adult, but I still feel like an irresponsible, stubborn, messy child with chocolate all over his face. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have very bad mental problems for some reason. It might have something to do with the fact that my mom is on the brink of insanity, and my dad is a very weak and cowardly man. Notice how I am too cowardly to approach my little sister to tell her to stop smoking. Maybe my family's genes are bad? I know that in one way or another, I don't fit into this world. Maybe not the whole world, but in a very heated social area like the chicagoland area, I don't. Does anyone know where I would be happy? Because I am miserable right now. Just horribly depressed all the time. No matter how much sleep I get, I am still tired all day. I don't have anything exciting going for me right now, and people respond so negatively to me that I don't think I ever will. GOD help me you fucken cruel cocksucker. Do you even exist? FUCK YOU!! Why do I live this way? I don't know who I am. It is even harder when you don't have anyone to talk to. I am not a nerd, i don't play video games, I am not a player, I don't have any girls in my cell phone, I'm not assertive, I'm not anything. I'm just a mindless consumer in corporate America. I do what I'm told by my superior authority figures without question. If I don't, then I will be outcasted from society and put into prison. I have pretty much been scared enough by propoganda to not resist. just bend to the will of my corporate masters. I just want to drop all these cares and responsibilities and run away to live with some african tribe. They all seem happy. No direction, I hate school, don't care, confused, tired. At first I want everyone around me to leave me alone, but when they do, I freak out and want everyone back. I am extremely lost. Feels like I'm in a cage.