I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by innerpeace26, Mar 25, 2008.

  1. innerpeace26

    innerpeace26 New Member

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    Last night my bf of 6 years (we are both each others firsts) told me he was watching some HBO show where men were letting other guys have sex with their wives/gfs. He seemed overly into the conversation so I asked him what he thought about it and he said he's entertained the idea before.

    We talked about it for a little while over IM's and on the phone but nothing too serious, or so I thought (I only said that it might be okay with me sometime in the future, but there were a lot of factors). I asked him why he would want to share me with another guy but the only answer I could really get out of him was that it would be fun to watch another guy with me...

    Anyway, I called him after I got out of class today and he tells me that he talked to one of his friends about our conversation. Then later he says that he actually asked his friend if he wanted to...

    I never told him that it was okay to ask his friend about this and I am really embarrassed. My bf made it sound out like I was the one wanting sex from his friend and now I feel like avoiding his friend at all costs. He said he talked about it over google chat and I asked to see the conversation and he didn't want to show it to me. He finally showed me tonight and it really pissed me off.

    I don't understand why he would cross those lines with me :( And is there more to what he is telling me about why he wants this so bad?

    Sorry if it is really long or doesn't make sense.
     
  2. HEALtoast

    HEALtoast New Member

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    In my opinion...

    Tell him how you feel. If he still wants it and you have not been persuaded by his argument, he is not being considerate of your feelings.

    More clearly, he's violating your trust sexually which is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.

    I equate someone who continually pushes for this kind of situation and refuses to let off as the same person who would be inclined to cheat. That kind of behavior is worthless.
     
  3. Sephiroth13

    Sephiroth13 Beginning of the End

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    You have to tell him to slow down, he needs to be paying attention to you, Because its you thats going to be making up 70% of this endeavor. You obviously have not given him a choice with it. But he is moving ahead as if he has gotten the green signal. Just talk to him and tell him whats up, he might be slighty disappointed but tell him, that he is just violating trust by moving ahead without consulting you first.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Wow, what a jerk. I usually never advocate violence, but this really almost calls for a good old slap in the face.

    That being said, I'd sit him down and have a good talk with him. How he could think you're fine with the idea without your explicit approval blows my mind.

    Tell him flat out that you are not OK with the idea, and if he keeps wanting it, he had better be prepared to be with someone else who would do it.

    Same to you, you DO NOT want to be with a guy who keeps bringing this up after you have told him you are not interested.

    But holy shit, what he did was a pretty big thing...by itself, it's almost worth breaking up over.
     
  5. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I know a few guys that are in to watching other guys with their gf. I don't understand the appeal but some guys like it :dunno:

    Could just be he wants to spice things up and his particular fetish is watching you with another guy. Tell him you aren't into it, end of conversation.

    Or tell him that if you get to watch him fucking that guy first then you'll reconsider
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    even better, tell him you get to watch some guy fucking HIM first! :rofl:
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: What a goof. I have to laugh at him, I'm sorry.

    However, you should visit FreakyShiat. They are all way way into the idea of sharing partners and can give you all kinds of advice and experiences on this. So I would really suggest also copying this thread into there.

    However, this all comes down to you and how you feel. This could be something your bf has always secretly been into, a fetish if you will, but he never felt comfortable to talk about it to you until now, after seeing that show where he had a nice easy segway to explain it. BUT, it sounds like you are not comfortable with this at all and you don't have to be. If this makes you uncomfortable then you should never do it just to please him. The issue with fetishes is that if one partner really wants it and the other doesn't it can sometimes seperate the two of you.

    If anything I just worry he'll now start to obsess on this idea since he's let the cat out of the bag. I hope if you are against trying it he either lets it go (for your sake) or you two might have some real problems after being together 6 years. I know you are confused as to why he wants this but you cannot talk to him as if he's crazy, unfortunately for you that's just what he deems hot. Analyzing why he wants it won't really help you. You need to sit own with him in person, no more AIM or on the phone and tell him how you feel about this. Whether you want nothing to do with it or not. If it's something you could never ever see yourself doing then tell him so.

    Be glad he isn't into watching you with another woman.
     
  8. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    He shouldn't have gone to the friend, at all at this point. Wrong wrong wrong.

    I can only suggest you sit him down ASAP and tell him how you feel, and in a sense how you feel violated, if I can use such a strong word. If the roles were reversed and my girlfriend did that to me by asking another guy before I felt 100% about the idea, I'd really chew her out.

    He could have just joked around with the friend at first, and maybe it turned into a more serious discussion as time went on. He could be bored.... it could be a laundry list of things.

    But at no point should he even have talked to the friend about this.
     
  9. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Sounds like he's building up to trying to convince you into a threesome.. I remember my ex-girlfriend wanted to have a 3some and I told her only with 2 girls but she wanted me to have one of my guy friends participate. I broke up with her shortly after for many other reasons.
     
  10. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    There's nothing wrong with wanting to see your girlfriend having sex with another man. It IS wrong to assume that's what she wants too AND to go and tell a random dude she wants to fuck him without her consent. :ugh: Holy shit, you just don't do that. You need to seriously evaluate whether or not you want to be in a relationship without someone who shows such disregard for you.
     
  11. fray

    fray New Member

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    sounds like it's something he's been thinking about for a long time, finally got The balls to mention it, and took any sign of possible acceptance as a huge green light.

    That was his mistake. You need to now put him back in his place and let him know that while you may consider in the future, it's nothing you want to do now (and probably even less of a possibility in the future since he has proved he doesn't have your feelings in mind), and let him know why your feelings are kind of hurt over it. Wonder what he and the friend talked about that he won't let you read it... I'd get my hands on the msg.
     
  12. innerpeace26

    innerpeace26 New Member

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    Thanks for your replies guys, it helps me realize I wasn't over reacting. He came over today and we talked about it. I told him that it really hurt me that he would tell his friend private (AND undecided) things like that without my knowledge. He apologized and admitted that he had no right to do that, especially when we had only talked about it less than 24 hours ago and not in person.

    I felt a little better about it until I got him to show me his conversation. Then I felt degraded and completely disrespected. He start the conversation with, "man, my gf is being a total slut right now."

    The rest of the conversation just continued to make me feel belittled. wtf he called me a slut and told his friend I wanted more dick? I just can't get over it no matter how much he says he didn't mean for it to sound like he was talking trash about me. Who refers to their gf as a slut, EVER?

    I asked him to please tell his friend that the idea of him watching him have sex with me was 95% his idea and that I had no desire to do anything like that (let alone tell him) anytime soon. For God's sake I've only hung out with the guy 3 or 4 times.

    ARGHHHDadskdjalasdja
     
  13. innerpeace26

    innerpeace26 New Member

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    oh I will copy this over to the other forum, thanks for the tip iwishyouwerebeer.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yikes? He actually said that to his friend? Geez, now I think there's something wrong with him :ugh:

    I guess that really just turns him on :dunno: He's one of those guys that probably watches too moch porn and loves the idea of degrading a woman. Personally that sickens me and would be a good enough reason for me to break up with someone. I just had a serious talk with my SO about ever belittling me the other night and how I wouldn't ever stand for it. The only thing that worries me is that this fetish of his will now slowly but surely somehow mess with your relationship and if it's obvious you'd be happier with someone different you'll stick around because yu've been together 6 years.

    How old are you two BTW?
     
  15. innerpeace26

    innerpeace26 New Member

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    He is 25 and I am 23. He does watch a lot of porn, like A LOT, but I've never known him to say anything demeaning about women before. After reading a few replies in the freakyshiat forum, I am thinking maybe he is either addicted to sex or just a really kinky guy (although hes never told me anything kinky until now).

    I asked him why he called me a whore and he said that he didn't know how to break the ice with his friend on the topic and he doesn't actually think that of me (I guess that is why he didn't want me to see the convo)

    I am okay if he wants to try new things, but not without consulting me :squint:
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So you think you will consider getting screwed by another guy while he watches?

    Edit: Yeah, it makes a lot of sense now that he watched too much porn. I think Viper once said (who was addicted to porn) that he loved watching the degrade the women. Even though you've never heard him say something rude outloud I think it's more what he fantasizes sexually. Can you honestly say he's never tried anything kinky in the bedroom?
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2008
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Yeah...I would strongly advise any self respecting woman to leave after this.

    The whole series of events is kinda concerning

    He wants to have a 3some (OK, not that concerning in itself)
    He told a friend about it like it had been OKed (fairly concerning)
    He insulted/degraded you in a conversation with his friend, pretty much invited said friend to have sex with you (uncalled for, quite disrespectful)
    He watches a lot of porn (not too bad by itself, but with the other stuff, not so great).

    I'm already starting to see a major difference in sexual computability here.
     
  18. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Not all of us........just most :mamoru: :wiggle:
     
  19. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    There's a difference between freaky talk like that "Oh baby, you little slut, I'm gonna make you my whore..." etc. etc., and your BF calling you a SLUT THAT WANTS MORE DICK to his friends. THAT is disrespectful. That kind of of talk if between you two, and turns you on, great. If he's using that language to talk ABOUT you to a MALE friend is NOT ok. I mean shit, if he REALLY thought there was NOTHING wrong with him calling you that, then he would have had NO hesitations in showing you that conversation. That is definitely an indication of guilt/knowing he was in the wrong.
     
  20. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    i've never understood this
     
  21. Camelot

    Camelot New Member

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    Wow, how embarrassing. If it were me, I would get the contact information of the person he talked to and email them regarding that (or chat with them). I would explain exactly what you told us, that he was the one to bring it up, that he never properly discussed this with you and he definitely did not have permission to bring it up with someone else and I would also add your feelings of embarrassment this has caused you so they know you're not like that. If you don't do it and just deal with the boyfriend, that guy will only know your boyfriend's version of the story and will keep that freak image in his head of you and yes, you will be embarrassed when around him. Imagine what he's probably telling his other friends. I would do this to teach the boyfriend a lesson and to clear the air with that guy. Also, why did your boyfriend select the man, why couldn't he let YOU select him since you'd be the one to get nekked with him? I'd worry about that, too. Unless he's seen him naked and he's got a good one and thinks you'd enjoy it, which may actually be considerate of him. :naughty:
     
  22. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Good point. Apparently your boyfriend thinks you're such a "slut" that you'll take whatever is tossed at you. :ugh2:
     
  23. fray

    fray New Member

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    This guy concerns me. He's disrespectful and not trustworthy. I don't care how long you've been dating him. He obviously does not have your best interests in mind. I'd be afraid that one day while having sex his friend would pop out of the closet and all of a sudden you're getting raped by his buddy and he's saying it was your idea. ...that may be a little extreme...but I don't trust him.
     
  24. armywrx

    armywrx New Member

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    I didn't read all of the replys but for a lot of guys, seeing their SO in pleasure is a HUGE turn on. I have thought abou it before and while I would never go through with it, it would be hot to see but my jealousy would win that battle.
     
  25. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Yeah that is a big one...he didn't want to show you because he lied and made shit up and he felt guilty and did not want you to find out
     

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