SRS I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by tetsuo, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. tetsuo

    tetsuo And shepherds we shall be...

    Joined:
    May 6, 2004
    Messages:
    9,444
    Likes Received:
    0
    my dad just passed away yesterday. :wtc: i'm trying so hard to be strong and there for my mom and younger siblings (2 brothers and a sister) but i just don't feel like i can take care of them the way my dad would want me to. he was such and incredible man that i don't think that i could ever fill one of his shoes let alone both of them. i just feel so lost. my mom and him did everything together. she's taking it pretty hard, and i'm trying to be there but she just seems lost. like she's a zombie and i just don't know what to say or do to try to help her.

    i guess i'm not really sure why i'm posting this here, but maybe someone has gone through this and has some kind words that might help :hsd: today was just a really hard day, we had to write an obituary, decide what to do with the body, and pick some music for the funeral. :wtc: R.I.P. dad, you'll be missed!
     
  2. misfits

    misfits OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    69,268
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    California
    I've been through this similar situation when my dad passed away in an underwater accident and I always thought to myself," How can I live on without my dad? my mom as a widow?"...he was the backbone of our family. Give yourself time to heal and let everything out, but REMEMBER that your dad would wanted you and your family to be happy, no matter what happens. It is ironic but true to say that my dad's death actually taught me about the true meaning of life. Don't dwell in sadness, I'll be praying for you and your family :hsd:

    Time heals all wounds.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    First of all, let me just say I am so so sorry. Most people don't even find out til later in life what a death of this magnitude feels like, so I know what it is like to feel alone and have no one to cope with. This also just happened, so absolutely no one expects you to know what to do or how to feel. Dealing with death is different for everyone, you just have to make sure to get through it the healthy way.

    Try as hard as you can not to let it consume your life. Nobody expects you to take over the family, I'm sure even your father wouldn't expect it! The best thing you can do for your own family is be there, be supportive. Like I said, everyone deals with it differently-a brother could deal with it by never talking about it, a sister could deal with it by crying constantly. You just have to let them all know you are there with them and are feeling their loss as well. Take it day by day because it will take a long time to stop hurting unfortunately. Make sure to surround yourself with friends if possible and keep yourself busy.
     
  4. tetsuo

    tetsuo And shepherds we shall be...

    Joined:
    May 6, 2004
    Messages:
    9,444
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks for the quick replies guys. i guess its nice that he died doing something he loved :hsd: he died on his farm when one of those big round bales of hay fell off the trailer onto him.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :eek3: no way
     
  6. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    2,307
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spain
    I'm so sorry to hear this. Myself haven't had to go through the pain of losing someone really close to me, so I think I'm lucky to not know the feeling. But sadly, I don't really know how to help when a friend of mine loses someone.

    When my friend lost her dad a few years ago, I tried to distract her with different things instead of constantly remind her that her dad died. With that said, try to be with the people you love and support each other.

    Do things together and try to get distracted. But remember your dad with love as you've always done.

    And as the others have told you, he'd want you and the rest of his family and friends to be happy. Don't let him down. I'm sure you will not.

    :hug::hug::hug:
     
  7. tetsuo

    tetsuo And shepherds we shall be...

    Joined:
    May 6, 2004
    Messages:
    9,444
    Likes Received:
    0
    yeah, those things weigh between 1500 and 2000 lbs. :hsd: my mom found him with his legs sticking out less than 15 minutes after it had happened (she saw him drive the truck around the house 15 min before she went back there), and she tried to roll it off of him but couldn't budge it. so she called 911 and the 4 cops/paramedics couldn't even move it off of him. they had to use his tractor, which was parked in the barn
     
  8. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2005
    Messages:
    19,987
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    Damn, when you were telling me about it, I didnt realize they weighed that much :eek3:

    I'm always here to talk to :sadwavey:
     
  9. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    110,606
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    oh my. I am so sorry for your loss.

    you seem like you have a strong head on your shoulders. so hang in there. I wanna say time heals all wounds, but you never know. Live life the way your father would have wanted you to and be there for your family :hug:

    i'll keep your family in my thoughts
     
  10. Penetration

    Penetration OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2004
    Messages:
    19,258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MMM my ding ding dong
    aww man, im sorry to hear about, especially the way it happened. nobody is expecting you to take over for him. stay strong, he's not in pain now and is (imo) in a better place. if you don't know what to say to your mom as she is really down just give her a big hug, no need to say anything..
     
  11. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    :hug: Wow doll, I'm so so sorry :hug:

    You, your father and your family are in my prayers. Godspeed to you :wtc:
     
  12. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2004
    Messages:
    734
    Likes Received:
    0
    You have lots to be thankful for. At least your father was an incredible man to you. I can guarantee that you learned a lot from him. Some people would probably be better off had they never meet their little shit stain of a father in the first place. I would rather love and lose than to never love at all.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Take my advice: Do not stand in the shadow of your father, i once made a simular mistake, you can't and shouldn't try to replace your dad, or do an effort in so thinking that it would make him proud, rather then standing in his shadow, become a man who has a shadow of his own to look upon.

    You do what you can do ok? No one should ask ever more then just that, especially not in a time like this. Just support eachother, and the most important thing: ALLOW yourself to grieve, let it all out, you are allowed to do so in order to process the whole odeal of what has been happening to your family.

    Also imagine if you would have died instead, would you love it to see your family to be in tears, agony,pain and despair for many years to come? No of course not you would want them to be happy, and live their lives to the fullest. So instead of dying for your father , try living for him. Remember and love him in your heart, support your mother, find support from your family too yourself and give yourself time to grieve, and process all the things that have been going on for as long as you need too.
     
  14. mahal.

    mahal. mahal kita? OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2005
    Messages:
    11,684
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    tallahassee, fl
    Wirelessly posted via wap.offtopic.com (BlackBerry8300/4.2.2 Profile/MIDP-2.0 Configuration/CLDC-1.1 VendorID/102 UP.Link/6.3.0.0.0)

    My condolences to you and your family. I understand what you're going through. My mom passed away more than 5 years ago (will be 6 years in september :sad2: ). Even though it's easier for me to talk about my mom without breaking down, I still remember the day as if it happened yesterday. Time doesn't heal this type of wound, but it gets easier to deal with the loss. One thing I'd suggest is to talk to your dad. I'm not talking about conjuring up spirits, but to verbally acknowledge him. Someone told me to give it a try when there was a time I really really wanted to say something to my mom. Doing so sounded crazy, but it has helped me a lot these past years. My mom was also the backbone of my family, so it was tough trying to fill her role (which never really gets filled so don't put the burden on yourself). The best you can do is be there for your family. Talk about the good times and any funny memories you had with your dad. Holidays, birthdays, his death anniversary seem to be the worst times afterwards, but it'll get easier. Your family needs to be strong, and stay together. That's what your dad more than likely would've wanted. :hug:
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2007

Share This Page