SRS i don't know what to do with myself

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by zooenthusiast, Jan 3, 2007.

  1. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    i feel like i'm exploding out of my skin. i can't stop crying. i honestly just want to end it all. i know suicide isn't the answer, but now i understand why people do it.

    i can't seem to focus on anything. i feel like i can't move and i'm about to break down any second. i'm scared of how i'm feeling cause i've never felt so torn and broken before.

    what should i do. i can't go to my parents, it's just not an option. neither is seeing a doctor. are there any methods of self soothing i can do? i don't feel like anyone else can help me, i feel like if i want to feel better it'll have to be through me, so what can I do?

    i just want to feel normal again.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Bring your life into calmer waters. Basically this book http://www.mediamax.com/chocomel/Hosted/cycle.pdf saved me from suicide, even tho its a spiritual book it contained a lot of things that made me able to give a swing into a better direction in my life. And made me able to climb out of my depression.

    Depression is like a monster attached to your back leeching and eating you alive. You have to understand that certain events in your life that you couldn't overcome have caused this state of limbo. Basically you have to write down what has made you depressed in order for us and yourself to deal with it.
     
  3. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    i think it might be a combination of things making me depressed.

    first of all, over the summer i was, for lack of a better word, raped. it wasn't violent and it didn't last long, but i didn't want him in me and i tried to push him off and i couldn't, so yeah, if that's rape then that's what happened to me. you see, after this i felt really vulnerable, and my ex-boyfriend had said he would always protect me and help me if i ever got into trouble or if i needed him for anything. well i told him, and he basically told me he couldn't help me.

    he has a new girlfriend and she's kind of the jealous type apparently, and so she won't let me see him or him see me, and i miss him in my life. i don't know if i'm necessarily still in love with him, it's just that he was my best friend and he's not there anymore, and it happened so suddenly that he wouldn't talk to me anymore.

    he knows i'm depressed but has told me that he can't be my friend. and ever since he told me that i've just felt worse and worse.

    i feel like if i could see him and just talk to him that i'd feel better, but i don't think that it will happen.
     
  4. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    well the rape happened over the summer. and you see i feel like it was my fault, and i know that's common for the "victim" to say that or feel that way, but honestly there are a lot of things that i could have done differently.

    i should never have gotten as drunk as i did, and i should not have gone home with him and his friend. i should have been more insistent on saying no. i mean i never said yes by any means, but i could have fought back harder maybe.

    i just don't feel safe anymore. i want to feel safe again, and for the longest time i couldn't cry after it all happened, i would get terribly sad and i couldn't let it out. and lately all i've been doing is crying and i can't stop.
     
  5. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    i could have written your post word for word two months ago. Go to a doctor.
     
  6. zooenthusiast

    zooenthusiast New Member

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    well i've been feeling slightly better the past couple of days. i've been trying to go out more with friends, cause when i'm with other people i tend not to feel as bad cause i'm not dwelling.

    i decided that i'm really ready for school and i think when this next semester come around i'm really going to focus on it, and i think that will help. i really want to do well, and school work is a good way to keep busy.

    as far as dealing with all my feelings concerning rape and how i felt really abandoned after it all, well i'm trying to confront those feelings and once school starts i'm going to see a counselor at the free clinic at school. the reason i couldn't go to a doctor before is because i don't have any money for therapy or anything like that, but they have counselors and therapists at the clinic at my college and so i am going to get help.

    thank you everyone for all your advice and suggestions.
     

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