SRS I don't know my family

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by familyguy101, Jun 16, 2006.

  1. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    I'm 18 as of june 13. I do not know my family that well. When I was young, my parents used to argue and fight a lot. My father was always disappointed in me so I never bonded with him. My mother used to embarrase me and I learned from a very early age that I didn't like her, didn't trust her, and I also never bonded with her. I hated my younger sister for the first 12 years of her life and still dislike her a lot. We used to literally fight all the time. Shes 12 now. On my birthday and for Christmas, she gave me a card that said "I hope we can talk more". But we never did. I never really started talking to my older brother until I was 14. Now, at 18, I am losing contact with him and I find that he's distant. He is 24 I don't talk to any of these people unless I really have to. The only person I really ever liked was my older sister. But I only liked her from ages 6-10. After 10, she moved out and I just lost contact with her. She is 28-29 now. I ignore her and don't like her either. She tries once in a while to talk and hang out with me but I just avoid her or make up excuses for not being able to spend time with her.

    I don't really know any of these people. Like I said, I only talk to them when I really have to, and even then the conversation is filled with tension and anger. Either that or the conversation is fake and generic. For example, we are too nice to each other and we obviously putting on a show. What should I do. I can't establish bonds with them now, it's too late. I hate them so that is out of the question. My parents won't kick me out of the house because they feel obliged to at least keep me until i'm 20 something years old. If I get a job and am able to support myself, I will move out of this house and never look back. Is there anything wrong with my plan?
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    IMO you have major issues and should seek professional help. I don't mean that as a put down. I'm being honest. Some of the issues you describe are very difficult to work through on your own. Severing relations with your family will only resolve part of the problem and may not be necessary.

    However, the memories that you have leave scars and those are sometimes very difficult to work though on your own.
     
  3. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I dont really know my family...dont really want to though :dunno: I mean I know my mom well, but the rest of my family isnt anything like me.

    Shit happens in life, it will only mess with ya if you dwell on it. I moved out and got married young. I started my life, established my career, and everything has been great. I have always been very independant.

    There really is nothing wrong with not knowing your family...alot of people are so used to it, that they will tell you its odd and you will have problems, but thats not necessarily true.

    Once you get older family isnt as important as true friends...and if your family isnt part of your inner circle of friends, then you shouldnt feel obligated to keep them in your life.
     
  4. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    I never really liked either of my parents either. Dad never talked to me, he either just told me what to do or yelled at me for doing something wrong. My mom has borderline personality, so she would either be waaaay too attentive or she would be saying how much shes hates me and how I ruined her life. My older brother used to beat the crap outta me and my other brother.

    My other brother that I had an alright relationship with is in Seattle and we don't really talk much.

    It's definetley not a good feeling to know that you have no one close to really rely on. Going to therapy really helps though, because you get an impartial opinion on your situation and somebody that can actually empathise with you and give you some good advice. Hopefully therapy can get you fixed up enough so you can make some close friends that will support you and become your new "family."

    I noticed that a lot of the friends I made before I started therapy were as bad or worse than me. They were either extremely clingy, negative, or possessive and they made me feel more anxious than I felt w/o friends. Friends I made more recently I have much better relationships with because I was able maintain my boundries and respect theirs.
     
  5. Diesel Fumes

    Diesel Fumes Guest

    This has become an issue for me lately. I don't really know my parents and I don't really know how they feel. Instead of trying to understand them, I just let them live their life while I do the best to live my own. I talk with them, try to tell them the basics of my life, but they get to the point where they want to know more and more and I just don't understand why they care, so thats why our relationship has gone down in a way,
     
  6. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    To all of you: Counseling is your friend. Nothing makes it easier to tell someone how you really feel, and find out how they really feel, than having a referee who can give objective advice and tell each of you when you're stepping over any one of the many boundaries that exist between people. The only hitch is that you have to want to make progress, and you have to be willing to take the counselor's advice without question from time to time; after all, if you don't have any good relationships, it's because you don't know how, and if you don't know how, then you have to learn from somebody that does know how.

    It worked for me. I had a codependent mother and a self-degrading (yet over-achieving) father, and they never have gotten along well, and I got to be the intermediary for...well...forever, up to the present day. Counseling got us each to where we at least understood what healthy relationships consist of, and how to tell when our relationships were unhealthy, and with that information we have been able to bumble through and make decent progress at getting along and enjoying each other's company from time to time. It's not as good as being born into a perfect family, but it's better than being a family of orphans.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I personally don't think you should make an effort to bond with your family. You being put in that family has only made you into a person filled with hate and anger, if it was to choose for you to be in a family it would be quite a wrongfull pick to be where you are today.

    You know i also had a lot of family issues, what i discovered is that either you need to be a very strong person to put up with all the misery and hatred that they put in your life, or confess that you aren't strong enough to deal with the misery they put you up with. Clearly you can't cope, so in order to avoid being pulled in the blackhole, i advice you to move out as soon as possible, and preferably never make contact with them ever again, till that day comes when you are strong enough and are able to give them real love.
     
  8. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    That made me go :hs:

    She's just a kid man, don't be too rough on her. I was like that with my brother and I fear we've grown too far apart now and I really regret it. I used to think it was all his fault and shit and that I was totally justified in my arguments with him but as I've wisened up I realized that we were both always partially right and 95% of fights could have been resolved quite easily or were totally meaningless.

    What I'm trying to get at is don't push them all away because they wronged you in the past. Your parents are probably too old to change but your siblings have had to put up with your parents' shit too and I'm sure they'd understand you a bit if you opened up some.

    It's worth a try I guess. :hsd:
     
  9. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Great advice here adn I agree
     

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