SRS I don't even know what to do. *long*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by stormywaters, Jan 13, 2008.

  1. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    I've never posted in here before so hi to everyone.

    I'm a 20 year old female who is in her 2nd year of college and lives at home when not in school. My problem is I have no control of my life. I have parents that are way over controlling (especially my mom). All my life I've never had any access to my money; I have a savings account in mine and my dad's name, that's it. So all they money I make from my job goes right into there and I get none of it. Any money I get I have to beg for. My parents won't let me open a checking account or have a credit card. They also only give me small amounts of cash for when I go to school. I literally have to make a list of expenses and they'll give me just a little more than the list states (and I can't lie about how much stuff costs because they will go look it up).

    Since I have no money I obviously can't move out of my house. I do not make anywhere near enough to pay rent or even pay for a car. I have to beg for a ride to my job.( yes I can drive but only my dad's car and he works farther away than my mom) My job is too far away to walk and I live in Minnesota so walking is not always an option.

    I've had problems with my mom since I was about 10. We basically always fight about everything. I don't want to go home over breaks from school just because I know she'll be there. A recent problem I have with her is I asked for a new cell phone for my birthday a few days ago. The phone I wanted costs $50. I was called ungrateful and greedy. They still have yet to give me anything but a card for my birthday. Even my boyfriend's mom gave me a stuffed animal.

    Being in college is putting me into major debt. I think I accumulate at least $2000 in loans a semester. My parents make just a little too much money for me to get any help besides loans and I've tried and been denied many scholarships. All the money I make right now will to towards next semester's bill.

    My point I guess is I just don't know what I can do to get out of this? I can't seem to grow up because my parent's are holding me back. To give you a clue how bad it is, I don't even know how to make a bank deposit. Help ot asylum crew!
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Start by getting your checks from work as actual checks. Then go to a bank with one of the checks and get help opening a checking account for your own use.

    Other than that....look in your phone book and call a lawyer. Since you're an adult, I'm pretty sure what your parents are doing is illegal.
     
  3. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    Do you have anyone like your BF that can drive you elsewhere? What I would try to do, is first get out of the house on your own, if you have someone drive you, get to a bank, open your own account on your own, and make sure all your money your making is going directly there, and not your parents.

    Its a sad thing that your 20 years old and at the mercy of your parents. I think you just need to stand up for yourself, and stop this bullshit. Aren't they technically stealing from you by withholding all your finances that you earned from working? Your obviously not legally under their control anymore, and I can see what they are doing is illegal.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Forget calling a lawyer. Contact the police. Your parents are committing theft.
     
  5. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    My parents would notice if I suddenly have no money going in the savings account.
    If I cause problems at home and get kicked out I will have no where to live.
    My boyfriend actually doesn't have a car either, he could afford one but chooses to ride his bicycle everywhere.
     
  6. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    Thought so too! Bust these people you call your parents...
     
  7. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    You need to get ahold of the police and a lawyer. You HAVE to do this if you want to have your own life! Do you honestly want to wait till they die to finally get out??
     
  8. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    Who cares if they suddenly realize their not getting anymore of YOUR money, you shouldnt be putting it there in the first place
     
  9. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    I wonder if all of this is caused by the fact that I'm an only child.
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    the way you are living now is borderline slavery.

    Your parents have no right to control your money. You are an adult and entitled to it.

    Contact the police and a lawyer ASAP. And inform your parents you will be doing this unless things change immediately.
     
  11. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota

    I will look into this. I need to think this through though. I might not have a place to live if it goes wrong.
     
  12. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    One of my best friends is an only child, and he lives with his mother who *tries* to be over controlling, but he has resisted completly and is running is OWN life.

    Im sorry if I sound harsh, but the only way your only going to get out of this situation is to be assertive and not passive. In some ways, I can tell that you have the same sort of fears and or anxeities that my very own GF has. She's afraid of speaking against her abusive, over controlling father, she has to live in almost constant fear of not making the *father* angry. Because of this, she too, is very passive and lacks any form of assertavness.

    If you really want to have your own life and get away, you need to be able to do this on your own and without second thought. You know what you need to do, you just have to do it, and take charge of your life
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    It can't go wrong. Your parents are stealing from you. Getting the police/lawyer involved will get the process started.

    But, to be prepared, start making arrangements with friends for possible places to stay. Look and see where any shelters might be in your area.

    And as I said, next time you work, inform them that you want paper checks, not direct deposit.

    What I find odd is that you didn't start talking to anyone/everyone who would listen to this once you turned 18. School counselors, friends, bank employees, police, you name it.
     
  14. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    My family is the happy perfect family outside of our house. People (my family and everyone who doesn't see us behind closed doors) won't believe me.
    My boyfriend is trying to help me.
    My work for some reason can't give us paper checks. I asked about that when I was hired.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    where do you work?
     
  16. HailStorm

    HailStorm OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2006
    Messages:
    813
    Likes Received:
    0
    Payless Shoes.
    (I'm the bf)
     
  17. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    As said above. Payless shoes. Crappy sales job. $7.25 an hour and I only work part time when I'm home.
     
  18. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    12,589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    THE Hawkeye Nation
    you = adult

    your behavior = child

    quit acting so ungrateful you have parents you want to teach you fiscal responsibility.... maybe they dont think you can do so since you havent done it yet. i mean you dont know how to use a bank......
    you do realize that if you goto the bank you make your own checking account. You allow youself to be this dependant. Get your god damn SS card, and drivers license and goto the bank. Accounts are free.

    Be grateful for that; a lot of people get nothing.

    You mean, since you failed at going to the bank to open an account and gett your check direct deposted, you havent chosen to save any money. you realize if you buy your own car then you can drive yourself right?
    umm thats how it works. if you want to goto college you gotta pay for it. its a sacrifice that makes most people appreciate it more.

    I have to say imho you dont have the responsibility to handle your own money based on this post alone.

    im sure there is more to this story than you have given to us.
    you know how you learn stuff in school? you goto a teacher and ask.... apply that to a bank.... go there and ask.....

    im sorry to be cynical but for some reason it bothers me when people blame others for their problems. you gotta take responsibility for yourself!!!!!!

    yea but she voluntarily gives it to them. its not like they can do anything about it if you just say hey, im taking control of my money. they can kick you out, but thats their right too.

    but the fact that you dont even understand how a bank works makes me wonder a lot.

    i guess this post was a good first step in figuring this out, but this blows my mind.

    and everyone else who posted in this thread was a drama queen about it. this guy needs to open an account at a bank, get direct deposit then they wont have any say. Call the cops? or a lawyer? thats horrible advice. the parents sound like they want you to be responsible . . . .have you not been responsible in the past? and what do you need a credit card for? if you want one just apply for it online, you will prolly get it. (of course you need a checking acct to pay the bill though..... so goto the bank with 100 bucks and open one... some can be opened with 50 or 25.)
     
  19. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    12,589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    THE Hawkeye Nation
    and im sorry to be harsh, but i felt like you needed it.
     
  20. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    12,589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    THE Hawkeye Nation


    bad advice. you are 20, you can legally get kicked out. ; this is some of the worst advice ive ever seen in this subforum in fact.

    either move out, or start a new acct. if they notice there is no money going towards the account tell them its not their money. they may fight you but if you remain calm and can make yourself NOT YELL (kuz anyone who yells, has already lost the argument) and remain extremely calm, oddly calm, and show them you are mature enough to discuss this then they will prolly respect you more.
     
  21. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    12,589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    THE Hawkeye Nation
    most likely, 2000 dollars in loans doesnt cover tuition and books even, so they are helping you budget.
     
  22. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    and everyone else who posted in this thread was a drama queen about it. this guy needs to open an account at a bank, get direct deposit then they wont have any say. Call the cops? or a lawyer? thats horrible advice. the parents sound like they want you to be responsible . . . .have you not been responsible in the past? and what do you need a credit card for? if you want one just apply for it online, you will prolly get it. (of course you need a checking acct to pay the bill though..... so goto the bank with 100 bucks and open one... some can be opened with 50 or 25.)[/quote]

    Nope, I have not done anything to make them distrust me. I don't do drugs, sneak out, drink or other things of that nature. I also have had a B or higher average in school. They just can't let go I guess. :dunno:
     
  23. HailStorm

    HailStorm OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2006
    Messages:
    813
    Likes Received:
    0
    The parents don't want her (her) to be responsible, they want her to be controlled. She's never been taught anything. She's never been given the opportunity to learn. Has she ever taken initiative? No, so the blame is partly to fall on her.
    You seem to be full of negative. Other than "do it yourself," do you have any positive comments to make? Explaining how banks work, how to do some of the things you mentioned?
     
  24. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    either move out, or start a new acct. if they notice there is no money going towards the account tell them its not their money. they may fight you but if you remain calm and can make yourself NOT YELL (kuz anyone who yells, has already lost the argument) and remain extremely calm, oddly calm, and show them you are mature enough to discuss this then they will prolly respect you more.[/quote]

    I tried that not yelling thing, it does nothing.
     
  25. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    12,589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    THE Hawkeye Nation

    YES !!! I HAVE!!

    Goto the bank and ask! Thats how you learn things. Its not like they keep her locked up in a dungeon (now if they do then call the cops)

    but you guys are quick to think that calling the cops or a lawyer (that she cant afford ) is a good solution to a family problem? Thats just fucking retarded.
     

Share This Page