SRS I don't even fucking know.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BlinginAssRims, Jun 10, 2005.

  1. BlinginAssRims

    BlinginAssRims Now I'm blaumped out

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    I'm a wreck. nothing really excites me anymore, and ive been trying to sleep but all i can think about is how i wish i were dead. Then my mind freaks out and screams and tells me no, and then i wish that i were in a room with spongy rubber walls for a bit. I just want to leave everything for awhile and see what people say. I want to go and know what theyll think. I wish i could figure this all out. I've got part of it I think, but I don't know.

    I just want to shut things off for awhile.

    Nothing excites me anymore and I have nothing to look forward to, and it fucking terrifies me.
     
  2. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Why do you care what ppl think?
     
  3. seven

    seven New Member

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    sucks you are in this position, if you are youung...everybody feels like that somtimes.

    i suggest you find somthing to imerse your self into, like a world to yourself, be it books, video games, drawing, working out.

    just find somthing to take you mind to a place where you don't need to think about reality for a while. You'll need to build up some desire and motivation to get there though. hope eerything works out.
     
  4. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    It sounds like you are struggling for attention. I say this because you mention wishing to leave and discover your friend's and family's reaction. Are you in high school? You have a future to look forward to, school (maybe, age?), a career, relationships, etc. Maybe you aren't "allowing" yourself to be excited. I mean, if you want to "shut things off for a while" then why would you want to get all excited by things? Excitation doesn't lead to relaxation (well, maybe under some circumstances lol).

    Are you on summer break? This can lead to depression and other negative thoughts for a lot of kids. I suggest taking up an activity to occupy your time. Get out of the house, spend time with friends, preferably people that are positive and happy. Often people like that can't help but rub off on you. Good luck, keep us informed.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Sports my friend, Tennis,Jogging,clay pigeon shooting , air acrobatics, anything that exictes you can be found in this branch of life.
     
  6. gourmizz

    gourmizz New Member

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    sounds like you want attention, is their any reason for this?
     
  7. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    gourmizz, I can only assume that you are rather naive, otherwise I'd ban you for your callous comment.

    BlingAssRims, get some good counseling, you can work through this.

    http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.suicide.html
     
  8. BlinginAssRims

    BlinginAssRims Now I'm blaumped out

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    dave, i appreciate the backing me up, but to some extent I think I do desire attention. The thing is I was in such a loving relationship for so long (years) and then it stopped. Within six months we moved out of the house I grew up in, and my cat I've had since I was a child died. I just graduated and I actually do a fucking lot, but I can't be doing something all of the time.

    The thing of it is this:
    I wake up around noon
    work out for two hours (running/cross training/lifting) 5 days aweek
    i go to work for seven hours
    I come home and wonder what the fuck i'm doing in my life, or else i have band practice or something.

    It seems like I measure my life by my weight and by the money I earn.
    Image issues aren't the problem. I used to have them, but I'm pretty confident about my looks now. The problem is I don't think anyone cares about me, and I want to just fucking find someone who does again.

    But for some reason I can't move on.
    And then everything piles up and weighs so fucking heavy.
     
  9. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    I think you are in a rut. Still, change will come...It's inevitable.

    Are you in college.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2005
  10. BlinginAssRims

    BlinginAssRims Now I'm blaumped out

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    not in college yet, the summer before.

    I think you might be right about the rut, oh and I tried calling one of those lines. If anything it made me laugh my way out of doing anything. Their responses were so fucking dehumanized and pre-made.
     
  11. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    College is a good time to reassess yourself and, if necessary, reinvent yourself.
    You're in a whole new situation, new friends, new setting, new possibilities. And new (fresh) hotties.

    Don't throw away those years by treating them as an extension of your crappy high school daze.
    Focus on your studies, but take this opportunity to jettison those annoying habits, traits, insecurities, etc. that plagued you before.

    College can be a wonderful time you always remember fondly, filled with good friends and great girls, or it can be a boring ho-hum snooze that you're glad to be done with.

    If your high school days were more like the latter than the former, now's the time for action.
    It's up to you.
     
  13. madeofmore

    madeofmore New Member

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    indeed it does sound like you are in a rut. been there, done that, and its not easy. however, perhaps switching your everyday routine up would help add some variation to your day. try working out at night instead of before work. go to a concert, get some friends from hs together and go out to eat. or... in the spirit of moving forward, if youre going to college in a few months, find some people in your freshman class that you dont know and meet up with them one night. not only will that switch up your daily routine, but it will give you a chance to "start over" with a new group or people, and you'll already know some people in your class when go to school (which is always nice!).
    to echo johan, use your freshman year of college to reinvent yourself. get involved in something on campus (or off campus! perhaps volunterring or a new job) that you wouldnt have done in hs.
    things will get better. good luck.
     
  14. gourmizz

    gourmizz New Member

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    are you just bored with your friends? why not go out with them for a while?

    and i meant no offense by what i said, i was just wondering if thats what you wanted.
     

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