SRS I did something terrible...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Aradia, Feb 16, 2007.

  1. Aradia

    Aradia New Member

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    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I was just thinking back on a time last spring. It just popped into my head. I ad gone down to the local track at a high school and was running. I decided to run for about 45 minutes or so...and pushed myself to do it the whole time. A group of kids came walking out of the wood line. They had trash bags and were picking things up off the ground. They looked really poor. 2 black girls maybe 11 or 12 years old, and they had 3 small children maybe 2-4 years old. A boy and 2 girls. They were all mezmerized by me 'cuz of how fast I was running. The two older girls were slightly over-weight. I remember thinking to myself how sad they looked and I had the impression they were gathering pecans and stuff in the bags. I started to encourage them and they were all running around the track with me. by the end of it these kids had really taken to me. I told them how to keep a pace, and gave them good words telling them they were doing a good job. They wanted to know all sors of things about me and my excersising. I could tell that thier world was so different from mine. That this was something they would not forget. There was no anger or pain or confusion. I told them I'd come back a few days later and run withthem some more. They were really excited. It was around that time that my step dad had died and things were so crazy. I never made it back. Those kids probably did and I can't stop crying right now. I was another person who let them down. God had givin me a chance to make a positive influence in te lives of those girls and those small children and I screwed it up.[/FONT]
    Wierd, I had a dream about that school a couple weeks before i ever went there. I drempt I was inside the building trying to help a teacher with the kids...but I was so thirsty, and I couldn't find any water.
    I just hate myself for this and I needed to get this out.I keep thinking about those girls being there and I wasn't there.[​IMG]

    I grew up real hard. Had allot of abuse in my past, saw some really ugly things. I can remember very few people that were really positive when I was a child. I mean like 2 or three occasions total. I imagine thats what it was like for these girls. How the fuck could I let them down and be so selfish, make a promise to them and not keep it? I just needed to get this out. I am so fucking mad at myself. I wish I could find them and oppologize. Things were just so screwed up at the time.
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    IMO you are just projecting your past pain onto these girls. You were hurt by people that let you down in the past. It's highly likely that these girls didn't show up either. Jeez...give yourself a break. Your step dad passes away and your beating yourself up for not treating someone perfectly durning that time. Forgive yourself for only being human...we make mistakes...it's part of life.

    You may also need to forgive those other people in your life that let you down. Afterall, they were only human also.
     
  3. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    You're life is not over. You have plenty of time to make up for it. You are obviously a very caring individual who is willing and capable to go out of your way to help others. Make it up with someone else.
     

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