SRS I cried for the first time in a long time today need advice.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by shadowoperative, May 11, 2008.

  1. shadowoperative

    shadowoperative Rawest asian alive, so raw they call me sashimi.

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    The reason for that is alot of shit has been happening currently in my life and I have a lot of emotional ups and downs right now. Since i was 14 my father has been cheating on my mom with another women from another country. Yeah he went overseas got a prostitute and decided to marry her. Well since then he purposely doesn't pay bills and saves up money for trips every year to go back and see that cunt, and now that cunt owns her own barbershop has a house and has my fathers other child. All that was payed for by my fathers money that he saved up for them when he could help us out with the bills. Well because of that my mother was forced to take money out of different types of savings to pay for the bills. So the years go on with the same shit happening and now he owes a shitload of money on credit cards, and guess what my mother and father have a joint account or something like that. our house foreclosed well at least it was supposed to be. yesterday at 5 pm the bank we owed money to sent a sheriff to our house with a 48 hour eviction notice. Now we have to move and it looks like we only have today to do it.

    So i started packing and thinking about all the shit thats happened and looking at myself for being a failure, i guess i forgot to tell you guys about me. I'm 19 went to highschool till my sophmore year then they asked me to go to an HSED program since i had low credits and i agreed. Now I have an HSED and i went to college for a semester then dropped out. I've done a lot of partying smoked the green every now and then but never did any harder shit. Anyways when i was thinking I thought about how bad my mother has it with her illnesses. I thought how fucking hard it must be to raise someone like me and to live with someone so cold fucking hearted and take them back. I thought how much i love my mom but i never show it. I thought about how i can fix this. I thought how much i hated him. Then this is where i cried. I cried hard, and i realized that this was true pain. Getting beaten didn't compare to this. I felt like he hated us and no doubt he probably does. I felt i couldn't move on. Well the next paragraph was going to be about more shit but i changed it cause well read.


    Well now the weird thing is that i feel a little better because writing this got alot off of my chest and now probably after reading all this you guys will be all wtf... and even if none of you know me thanks for reading. Just a couple seconds ago i was just thinking that yeah it won't get better, but you know what fuck it. It won't get better if you don't want to make it better. He doesn't have to change if he doesn't want to he's probably gonna be out of my life anyways. After all this shit is over I'm gonna change my life somehow i'll probably pursue another job so i can make more cash go back to CC to get my IT Programmer deal. And hopefully score this one beauty I've been talking to but i need to lose weight and thats another story.


    Thanks again for taking the time to read i know its confusing but still some advice on what to do would be appreciated.
     
  2. zameil

    zameil OT Supporter

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    Firstly,
    DON"t BLAME YOURSELF or your mom
    Seems to me that your dad didn't hate you in the sense that you have made it. More to the point this other woman probobly filled a void that your dad may have felt that he had in his "At home" relationship.
    Your dad probobly has an obesseive nature coupled along with a childhood need to be in conrol and loved thats not a profesional opinion just my observation based on what you have written.

    Either way its not your fault or your moms.
    I can't offer you a solution to this problem except that it's tiime you mom stads up.

    One day, in the future, your dad will live to regret what he has done.

    They all do

    30 years ago my grandad ran off with his neighbor leaving all his family behind and in trouble. He's now hat three strokes and is just about fucked. The woman he's run off with had left him and our family is footing his bill for care. But there's not a day that doesn't go by that he doesn't regret what he did.
     
  3. Verdugo

    Verdugo New Member

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    I can relate. You learn to do damage control even if it was caused by someone else. I helped my mom get a control of her life and feel generally better. I, in turn, just came to terms with the simple fact of life that our childhoods are not for us to choose and it's in our adult years where we learn to turn the negative into positive and move on.
     
  4. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    :hug: Dude, that really sucks. Best of luck with your move. Go get your mom a mother's day card and tell her you love her. :hs: Then use this move as the beginning of a new adventure for the two of you. Hang tough, Ace. Godspeed. :hs:
     
  5. Cumstang02

    Cumstang02 New Member

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    I don't understand why you would feel badly about your situation. You didn't cause it.

    I actually take pride in the fact that i stepped up to take care of my mom when my father passed. I work both my jobs with pride because i know that even though we didn't always get along, my father would be proud of me. Families should stick together and help each other out, its what makes you a family.

    This thread really hit home even though our situations are different. It'll get better and know that when you have the support of your mother you can do anything. She's your biggest fan, even though you don't feel like you always deserve her support. Thats how i feel.
     

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