SRS I could use some advice/words of wisdom. *Somewhat Long*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CopenKagan, Feb 19, 2007.

  1. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    A little bit of background before I get into the main bit:

    I have a couple of friends who I have been friends with since 7th grade. We all went our seperate ways after high school. I got married (later divorced), Adam moved about 75 miles southeast, Josh went on a religious mission to Canada.

    Fast forward to about a year ago. Adam randomly calls me out of the blue to meet up because he has moved back to the Salt Lake City area. Does likewise with Josh. We all become good friends again. So last August, Josh and I move in with Adam.

    A little while later, Josh and I decide that we want to start going country swing dancing to meet girls. We both find that it's really fun to go do it a couple of times each week.

    One of my personality traits is that I'm very modest and shy around new people. So naturally, I have a hard time meeting girls. Not to mention I am somewhat self-concious about how I look (moderate acne and I'm very tall and skinny, 6'5" 165lbs.). Other than that I feel that I'm a decent looking guy.

    So I like going dancing. But the more I go, the more it seems that the girls that go are not into guys like me. They seem to be pretty shallow about what they go after. This really isn't a problem for Josh. Quite a few girls have told me how good looking he is.

    So when we go, he kind of can just rely on his looks to pick up girls. We are both shy, girls will approach him, but not me. I'm not very good at making a girl become interested in me right off the bat. Most of my relationships have been based on a girl that I've known for a little time. Once they realize that I'm a good guy, they come to me.

    So once he meets a girl, he will make arrangements to meet her at the club we go to. We go dancing and hang out having a good time until said girl shows up. He then vanishes with her and basically leaves me by myself. The thing about it is, is that I absolutely HATE being in crowds of people by myself.

    So as of late, I've been thinking that I really don't want to go dancing as much as I have been. Mainly attributed to girls not appearing to be interested in me, and partly attributed to Josh ditching me as soon as a better opportunity presents itself.

    Sorry, I just started rambling, hopefully you can make sense of what I have told you. I just don't know how to approach the situation. If I had a little more confidence in myself, I wouldn't have a problem. I could just go out on my own and talk to girls.

    So is this just something that is in my head, or am I being just in not wanting to go? I just wish I could go out and not have a problem meeting girls.

    If I have left any information out that would help in words of advice, I would be more than willing to share. :hsd:

    Edit: One more thing is that I have an issue in which I don't think girls will be interested in me once they find out I've been married. Granted, 99% of people I meet don't have a problem with it. It's just something that I wish I didn't have to tell a potential girlfriend. It's something that I think in my head will deter them from wanting to associate themselves with me.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You are being zoned out. Ask yourself what has being shy ever contributed to your life? Zero, so trash it.

    If you are at zero, if you try something and it fails you end up at zero, or in other words no loss. So its a win win situation for you to ask girls out, talk to them. Don't do it to get a girl, do it to get dating experience. Just talk, what do you care. Its all about caring, if you couldn't give a damn about the girls beauty and just went for experience then you couldn't care less if it fails. Always go for gold in your life. Don't be your own worst enemy. So do it without caring about a possible bad outcome, put your mind on zero and go for it.
     
  3. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    That's a huge problem I have always had. I can look at myself in the mirror and say I'm the defenition of a good guy and girls would be foolish to not want to date me.

    But once the moment of truth is upon me, I crumble. I can even go ask a girl to dance, it's not a big deal. But when I meet someone new, my inhibitions won't let me act like myself and I quickly run out of things to talk about.
     
  4. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    Do you ever go to girls and try to ask them to dance? Do you even show interest in any girls at the dance spots you go to? It IS a two way street ya know.
     
  5. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Yes. I don't really have a problem asking a girl to dance. I've even gone as far to ask them if they would like to go out (in which case I have been shot down).

    What I guess I'm trying to say is that I've come to terms with me having to approach girls, and not the other way around.
     
  6. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    where do you go dancing? curious...i live in slc. different scenes have different feels to them, and Ive found that sometimes people are more approachable at certain clubs, and way outta my league in others.

    Confidence is a big issue. Try and talk to a girl, ask her a few questions, joke and smile, then excuse yourself and go somewhere else in the room. It will make her wonder, and provide her with the opportunity to come to you if she wants. she may not, but dont feel bad if she doesnt. it is still a great step towards having conversational skills.

    you shouldnt feel bad about being divorced, do not let that get you down or use it as an excuse for not being good enough. divorcees are good people too!

    good luck
     
  7. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    I go to a place called Studio 600. It's a good place for me because I don't smoke or drink.
     
  8. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    ive seen the commericals for it. never been there though. it sounds like its prolly your crowd though.
     
  9. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    That's part of the problem. I'm starting to think that maybe it isn't.
     
  10. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    One thing I forgot to mention is that I feel that I may have some kind of social anxiety. I've thought about going to see a doctor about it. Although I think I should talk to some family and friends about it before hand. A lot of times if I have to approach a stranger and talk to them for any reason I will avoid it. If people try to physically make me approach said person I have a huge panic attack and use physical force to stop anyone from making me.
     

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