I completely lost my parents' trust, what can I do to earn it back before College?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by metalfan111, Oct 13, 2006.

  1. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    I got in a shitload of trouble this weekend. My parents wouldn't let me go to a party so I made up a flier saying there was a lock in at my school and gave it to my parents. They completely believed it and I went to my friends party but had a great time. The only reason I got caught was because I got in a car accident the next morning and lied to them about having a passenger. I'm legally not allowed to drive anyone for 150 days because I just got my license. Because I lied about that, they wanted to see what else I lied about and called the school and found out I made everything up.

    My Dad is furious with me, what I did made my mom mentally and physically sick. She thinks I'm an alcoholic, druggy and I'm headed down the wrong path. Now they don't know whether to believe me or not. Like if I say I'm staying afterschool to get some help (when I really am), they won't know if they should believe me or not. I understand that. I'm going to college next year and my parent's think I won't be able to handle being on my own. I konw I definitely can, but they just don't trust me.

    How can I earn my trust back? THey don't believe anything I say anymore so its hard to get them to believe me. Would I gain the trust back by staying home on the weekends and doing nothing, or by going out with my friends and not lying to them? Even if I don't lie, they won't believe me and I really can't prove what I did. Trust me, I've done some shitty ass things in the past to do stuff my parents wouldn't do. I'm a bad son, I know, please don't remind me.

    Every other time I got introuble with my parents, if it was for drinking, smoking pot, lying, shoplifting, I always just took the punishment and didn't think twice about it, didn't even have any guilt, thats why I got introuble again. But this time, it really hit me. After seeing what I did to my mom and how much she suffered because I fucked up, I will definitely change my ways. I had a baseball game a few days ago and was the first player there. I just sat on the bench waiting, and started thinking of what I did to my parents and started crying. I hate myself for all the trouble I caused them, but they don't think I learned this time, they think it's just like all the other times and I'll get introuble again, but I won't. This time is different, they just don't know it. I want them to be able to trust me again, I just don't know how to earn it back, they question every single move I make now and I don't blame them after what I did.
     
  2. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    why do you need their trust when you are going to college in a year? just deal with it for the time being and then you are on your own and you dont have to worry about it.
     
  3. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    Because I don't want them to think of me as some irresponsible asshole who doesn't care about anyone but himself, because that is not true. I want them to be able to trust me. And if I want to have fun for my senior year, I need their trust so I can do shit.
     
  4. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    The strict parents usually end up with kids who have to do everything behind their back and lie about everything. Have a serious discussion about it with them. They should let you have some damn freedom and live a "normal" life that most teenagers have.
     
  5. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    Thats exactly it. I have to lie about everything to them because they are way to strict. I tried having a serious discussion with them, but it's impossible to talk to them. I'll say my points and they will just reply basically saying I'm stupid for thinking that, then say I'm going to end up in jail. All I do is drink occassionally and smoke pot a little. I don't think they realize how many teenagers today drink and smoke, just because we do that, doesn't mean we are failures.

    If I want to go to someones house, they have to call and talk to the parents. I'm a fucking senior, I'll be 18 next year, jesus christ...
     
  6. kdizzle59

    kdizzle59 New Member

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    well thats y they dont trust u...u lied, i understand y but u just need to make sure u dont do n e thing else stupid, obey their rules for a lil while and then bring it back up. take them to dinner and say hey, i have been doin wut u wanted, is there n eway i can get more freedom.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Wait, you wonder why they don't trust you? You think they are too strict? You say they think of you as an alcoholic or druggy?

    Gee, I wonder why they think that stuff.

    You have a past history of a) breaking the law, and b) lying to them.

    It's understandable that they are going to be wary of you.

    There's going to be no quick fix for this. you're going to have to show them you can be trusted, and you're going to have to do it EVERY DAY until you leave for college.

    Even if you get a good streak going, one screwup will make it all go away.

    I hate to be harsh, but if you wanted your parents to trust you, you shouldn't have done all this stuff in the first place.
     
  8. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    I was with my friend once like 3 years ago when he got caught shoplifting. He definitely learned his lesson, but my parents think he shoplifts every weekend. I drink and smoke occassionally. I don't do any other drugs. I have a 3.0 GPA. If my parents wern't so strict, I wouldn't have to lie to them about everything. I know I did some shitty things though, so I'm just asking what can I do about it.
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I told you, but I probably wasn't clear enough. For them to trust you, you're going to have to (at least for a little while) follow their rules. You're going to have to do it consistently.

    Now, you can try to talk to them soon about maybe reworking some of the rules, but you may have better luck with that after having followed their rules consistently for a period of time.

    If ou have a screwup, you will erase any progress you may have made before then, and will have to start all over.

    If nothing else works, sit down and talk to them, ASK them how you can earn their trust back. Good intentions are fine and dandy, but you're going to have to SHOW them that you can be trusted, through your actions. In their minds, your actions have shown that you can not be trusted.
     
  10. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    Thanks, I'll just do what you said and follow their rules for awhile. Sitting down and talking to them won't work. I'll just be a good son and see where things head.
     
  11. fray

    fray New Member

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    Maybe you can go a little above and beyond what they expect of you too. Like if they let you go out, call and let them know where you're going to be (like if you go from one friends house to another, etc). If they want you home by 11:00, get back at 10:30. Stuff like that....show them that you care and are trying and can be responsible.
     
  12. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    You seem to have some integrity issues. Just because they are strict doesn't mean that you have to lie, just don't put yourself into a situation where you know you are doing something wrong and you have to lie about it. The only way to earn their trust back is to act like an adult, and make sure that you are being credible and responsible. If they don't believe you, or set a curfew, show up early instead of on time or late. Take some extra initiative.

    Talk to them, even if they do not want to talk to you. You are going to be an adult soon, you're going to be in college soon. You'll be independant, and living your own life. If they can't trust you, what do you have in that relationship? Nothing. You have to make them trust you, you have to earn their trust. Conversation and communication to find out what you have to do, and debate your point, but don't argue it. Don't become aggressive or defensive, just know your points and stick to it. Don't get frustrated. Make them believe you and trust you.
    "Trust is like a rope. When it breaks, it can be retied, but there will always be a knot" - you broke their trust, you'll never fully get it back, but you can do your best.
     
  13. ptwiggens

    ptwiggens New Member

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    Dude... that flyer ideas is fookin genius. Props man.
     
  14. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    my shithead little brother needs to read this thread :uh:
     
  15. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    sounds like you arent trustworthy...and it finnally caught up with you. :dunno:
     
  16. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    You need to prove that to them. Personally (and I don't know a whole lot about you-just from what you've posted), I wouldn't trust you either if you were my child. :hs:

    Actions speak louder than words
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Here are some ideas. You sound like you're 16 (you said you just got your license). I'm 25. Listen to me.

    1. Stop fucking drinking and smoking pot. It doesn't matter if you only do it "a little." There will be plenty of time for that in college if that's what you want to do, but it's retarded to do it now.

    2. Honestly, high school life DOES NOT MATTER. Everyone thinks in HS that they are the shit, that everything is so important and there ends up being so much drama. Basically, the purpose of high school (if you're going to college) is to a) get good enough grades to be into college and b) develop social skills. Since you sound like you want to go to college (good choice), don't be a fuckup by drinking and smoking. When you get to college, nothing from HS will matter. You will meet entirely new people, your personality will change a LOT from the new social exposure, and, by the time you graduate from college, you might still talk to 2 or 3 people from HS. So to reitterate, HS is fun, parties are cool, but they really don't matter in the long run. It is a COMPLETELY different world out there than what you think it is.

    3. Once you enter this completely different world, you will need a good bit of moral fortitude in order to survive. If for the last few years you've been a pot smoking, drinking liar, it's going to be extra hard for you to compete with all the other people who are coming from better places.

    So you have what, a year of HS left? Clean your act up and you might even have a head start on the rest of the people when it comes time to college.

    And if you're serious about making it up to your parents, ask what you can do to them. Ask your mom. "What can I do to make you trust me again?"
     
  18. metalfan111

    metalfan111 Guest

    Thanks for all the advice guys, its great
     
  19. Lucifer

    Lucifer New Member

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    This is golden. Follow it.

    As I was reading the thread, I kept thinking of this quote: "I'm a fucking senior, I'll be 18 next year, jesus christ..."

    In the real world, that's a laughable statement at best. You're still a fucking kid. You may be labeled as an adult once you're 18 but trust me, you've got a long way to go. A long fucking way.....

    Stop drinking. Stop doing moronic things such as smoking pot. Stop fucking around in general. Work hard your last year of HS and then make a go of it in college. Everything will change that first year. You're going to grow more then you can possibly imagine. You're going to find things out about yourself that you may or may not like. You're going to slowly mature into the adult that you'll be for the rest of your life. Get started on the right foot while you still can.

    As for your parents, you're coming to that point where you'll slowly grow back towards them. From 13 on, you start to hate them and their ways but soon enough you're going to find that everything they've done, everything you thought of as being strict, has been for you. You're started already, hence the sudden feeling of guilt.

    You're parent's job of raising you is just about over, they've done all they can to help mold you into an adult, and it's at this point where they will look over the years past and judge themselves as parents.

    At this point in your life, making your parents proud might not seem like the "cool" thing to do. I bet you've even made fun of kids that have gone out of their way to listen to their parents, but guess what.....the older you get, the more you're going to be concerned with whether or not you've made your parents proud.

    I say all this because I was once just like you. I was drinking at 17, hanging out late, lying every chance I had. And just like you, I thought I was at the top of my game. I had a 4.0 GPA, headed to school the next year, lots of friends, etc. I then pushed it too far and got arrested, failed out of college and got a job moving furniture around a warehouse. I spent a few years at rock bottom. Now at 27 I'm just now getting back on my feet. Yes, I've worked my way to upper management and make a damn good living but you know what? I'm still missing that feeling of making my parent's proud. There is a hole in me caused by the pain I set upon my father. I still close my eyes and see his face the day I told him I had failed out of school. It hurts so much that I've enrolled at the local community college for next year. I'm taking a break from my current life and I'm going back to set things straight with my father. Life will still be there when I get back.
     
  20. Jim Jones

    Jim Jones leave a message

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    Wow, good idea on the flyer.

    Follow their rules. Don't do anything behind their back, that means stop drinking and smoking. If you aren't doing those things, there is no way you'll get caught doing them. Good luck.
     
  21. Jim Jones

    Jim Jones leave a message

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    Oh, and why is this in the Vaginarium? :hsugh:
     
  22. Lucifer

    Lucifer New Member

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    .

    Can a mod shoot this over to the Asylum please?
     
  23. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    Sounds like you haven't given them any REASON to trust you. You're saying, "Oh I learned my lesson now, trust me." BULLSHIT! This is a lesson you need to learn, not just with your parents, but with life in general. You think someone is going to give you a job with this kind of crap? Who wants to employ someone that irresponsible?

    You better wise up and realize that you're not just going to have to straighten up "for a while." Either you really do it, like you alluded to at the beginning of the thread because YOU want to and know it's going to serve you better in the long run, or you're really gonna fuck up your life. A 3.0 GPA ain't gonna cut it and the world don't owe you a damn thing.

    It can only be YOUR decision to grow up. Either you'll choose to do it now, in the relative safety of your parents house, or you'll learn in the cold, unforgiving world. Or you won't and you'll get caught and pay the price, sooner or later.

    Your choice, your move.
     
  24. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    i haven't read most of the thread so my advice will probably suck.

    just call them from wherever you go for the next few months. "check in" so to speak. don't violate curfew, make sure your parents know where you are for the near future.

    they'll get over it eventually and you can start being more independent later.
     

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