SRS I can't stop myself

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Astaroth, Nov 21, 2005.

  1. Astaroth

    Astaroth New Member

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    I have a problem, and I'm not really sure how to describe it... Basically, I have a near pathological need to help other people with everything and anything I can before I pay any attention to my own needs. I also do the same when it comes to having work to do. I've been like this for a few years, and with the exception of one relationship, it's destroyed everything my life contained.

    I don't relate to my friends anymore, only to tasks that are given to me. When I had friends, I used to talk to them about all of their problems, and we'd work out how to solve them.. and it would work, and they would be happy, and at the end of it I would always be miserable. In the end it got to the point where I was still helping my friends even though I was nearly breaking down, and they refused to tell me anything that was troubling them - which in turn lead to a nervous breakdown, because without something to do, or someone to help, I can't function. In most things I've done, like being someone's friend, or helping with a community project, my stupid obsession with doing things has lead to getting stuck in the "relied upon" position that doesn't warrant any opportunity to breathe, which makes me stress out - and I don't know what's worse. Stressing out because I have what I wanted, or going mental because I have nothing to do. I can't seem to find balance.

    People and places treat me like trash, or a tissue. They blow all their unwanted problems onto me, because that's all I exist for, and then they throw me away.

    I want to fix this, but I just don't know how or where to start. I have all the motivation in the world, except when it has to do with something that focuses on me. That I managed to write this post is surprising.
     
  2. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I've had that problem too but I don't know what to tell you other than it's only a phase, not what you are based on. Find something that you are good at that doesn't necessarily have to do with helping others
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You might want to see a family therapist. Your problem is easily diagnosed at a glance (by a professional).

    The root cause is low self-esteem which causes you to want to ingratiate yourself or "be of service".

    Now, understand that to "be of service" is a high and noble calling indeed. But what you do is something else, where you are of service and concurrently deny your own needs. Sort of a modern day martyr for all things ordinary.

    A therapist can help you find the roots of where this comes from.

    If you ignore this, and instead continue to drift about, blown to and fro by any passing wind, you will be turning your back on your own future happiness and success.

    But you know this (maybe only unconsciously), and part of you wants that dismal future, it's all part of the pathology in your head. Therefore I doubly urge you to have a chat with a good counsellor.
     
  4. deloresdelrio

    deloresdelrio New Member

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    You do things for others, but not without strings. You are trying to gain love and attention from people by making yourself indispensible to them. ......BUT! it isn't working, and worse, they are going so far as to "toss you aside".

    It is time to check the doormat at the door and begin the hard work of finding out what YOU need and what YOU want. Clearly, from your post, it is love (most people want that). Find an interest and lavish your love and attention on it. People are drawn to passion. Become passionate about what it is in life that you enjoy. Finding love and being loved involves being yourself. Spend time learning about your interests. Meanwhile, some assertiveness training might also be helpful.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You will be of a great help then in the Asylum, however not before you get your problem fixed, which is this. You have to learn to love yourself. First help yourself, then if you have time/effort left you can help others. To do this you have to learn how to say ' NO, stop to here and no further ' , you are a very sweet person if you want to help others, its a wonderfull gift/trait that unfortunatly not many people have nowadays. But it has become a neurosis, you deny yourself personal growth if you don't think about yourself.

    The question arises, why do you deny yourself?
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Sounds like to me you have a need to be child-like and find someone who will take care of you without you having to ask. That's how I was, at least.

    I finally grew out of it. Took me until I was 32 years old. I see it often, seems pretty common to me. You just need to grow up, mature some, realize that only little boys act like that. And people use you when you are like that, so you never will get ahead.

    You've got to be a little selfish!
     

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