SRS I can't relax without alcohol.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deusexaethera, Apr 6, 2008.

  1. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I'm a fairly uptight person normally; I don't have any problems talking about my issues, though. But, I've discovered recently that I really enjoy the feeling of having a chemical force me to loosen up.

    I've been drinking on a daily basis lately. I went out and bought some expensive beer after a bad day at work, and I've been drinking every day since -- probably a couple of weeks or so. I've only drank a couple of bottles at a time, though it is the kind of beer that's really strong, 20 proof or higher -- high enough to taste the alcohol in it.

    The reason why I bring it up is because I do have a family history of alcoholism, though I haven't shown any alcoholic tendencies thus far, and I want to make sure I'm not triggering some latent predisposition to get smashed and turn into an asshole all the time.

    Does anything about that set off any alarm bells for anyone?
     
  2. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    I'd say it's normal to grow into a dependence of alcohol. The more you grow into it, the harder it'll be to snap back out of it.

    It would be wise to settle down a bit and drink less. It's normal to want more and more but you need moderation. :dunno:
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Yep...this part
    The exact influence of family history on alcoholism is not known. I've heard estimates anywhere from 20% up to 85 or 90%.

    However, there's loads of conflicting evidence also. I mean there are families where only 1 member is an alcoholic. Others in the family may show signs of the disease but they aren't active in the disease. While still others don't show any signs. So in reality, noone knows.

    It's such a cunning, baffling and powerful disease. I really wish I could say, don't do X or don't do Y or else you'll become an alcoholic but that just isn't reality. Looking back, I had many thoughts and actions of alcoholism even before I took my first drink.

    Once I started drinking on a regular basis, I drank to get drunk. I never saw the value in social drinking. The idea of 1 or 2 just to loosen up? HA! Why would anyone want to just have 1 or 2? I honestly didn't understand that and I certainly never thought that. Pretty much, I either drank to get drunk or drank to limit the effects of a hangover. I honestly can't remember a time when I was a social drinker.

    However, there are people that drank socially for years without ever developing the disease and then when something happened in their life, they began to drink more and more and developed into full blown alcoholics.

    This is one of the reasons that we don't like to diagnose anyone with the disease....because everyone is different and has different experiences.

    Anyways, I hope some of this helps. If you want additional information, be sure to check out some of these pamphlets:
    http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_is_aa_for_you.cfm?PageID=15
    http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_is_aa_for_you.cfm?PageID=71
    http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_pdfs/f-4_wheredoIgofromhere.pdf
     
  4. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Well, part of the reason I drink expensive beer is because I only need to drink one or two to get the feeling I'm after. And yeah, I rarely drink socially, though not because I don't see any value in social drinking, but because I don't really like the sort of people who drink socially; they're all too loud and self-centered. When I drink, I do it for the same reason I used to smoke pot (back when it had an effect I liked) -- to make my brain shut up so I can sit inside myself and enjoy the silence.

    - - -

    I've only gotten really wasted once in my life, when I was 20. I was at a party at the house of some family friends, and my parents left me there -- ostensibly to learn a lesson that they knew there would be an opportunity for. I started the evening with Smirnoff Ice and ended it with Old Crow, with a bunch of other stuff (not all alcohol) in between. I stopped drinking when I couldn't get my eyes to point in the same direction anymore, after which I suspect I passed out in my chair.

    I made many visits to the edge of the woods that night; one time I looked back at the campfire and just didn't have any energy to walk back, so I fell asleep on top of a pile of sticks. (It was less unpleasant than the thought of walking 25 feet or so.) I eventually woke up, walked back, laid right next to the fire shivering my ass off, went back to the woods and puked again, and stumbled to my sleeping bag and fell asleep.

    The next morning I woke up sober, but with the worst hangover I've ever had. I spent the next hour drinking bottles of water and puking them up to clean myself out; I stopped when the water came up clear. I got quite a few compliments on the fact that, despite never having gotten wasted before, I was able to take care of my own needs in a dignified manner the whole night; an odd compliment to get, but I'm sure you know the type of people who think that's something impressive. It took me most of the day before I no longer hated everything I saw, and I couldn't eat again until late that night.

    - - -

    Anyway, lately I've just found myself wanting a couple of drinks every night, to get that sort of quiet solitude I mentioned before. I haven't felt any urge to drink more than that, though. So I guess that's something I'll have to be on the lookout for, if I ever do want to get more drunk than I did before.

    I'm out of beer now, though. At $16 for a 4-pack, it's not an insignificant expense.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2008
  5. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Moderation has never been an issue for me; I was raised Catholic, which basically means every time I enjoy something I have a nagging doubt in the back of my head about whether it's really okay for me to be enjoying it.

    What I would say is an issue for me is knowing what is a normal amount of moderation, and what is too much -- in other words, knowing when it's okay to go all-out. That one's been pretty much trial-and-error for me. That's why I started this thread in the first place, to get some input on whether there's really any reason to worry about my present behavior.
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    your story is exactly how i became a drunk

    might as well stop now

    i went from drinking twice a month to drinking twice A DAY

    and you say moderation is no problem - it wasn't for me either: at first.
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    as they say, the chains of alcoholism are too light to be noticed until they are too strong to be broken.
     
  8. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Fixed.
     
  9. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  10. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I dunno, maybe I was just in a weird mood before. I went a week drinking water and Gatorade without any issues. I bought some more beer, drank it, woke up with heartburn, and went back to water and Gatorade. Still no issues.

    There's definitely no other way to get a beer buzz than to drink beer, though.
     
  11. Gjs312

    Gjs312 For life

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    Ok, I'll bite.

    I feel like I might be telling you something you suspect already, but yes, this does set off a few alarm bells for me if you are using alcohol not as a method of being social but as a method for self medicating an anxiety issue. I've been way further down that path, and it is a very dark and nasty place to be, and something I couldnt wish on my worst enemy. Almost everyone has some sort of social anxiety, and there are plenty of ways to deal with it, but alcohol is pretty much the worst out of the bunch due to the inherent aspect that it tends to self escalate. 2 beers when you go out leads to 4 beers, which leads to 6, and on top of that it tends to do so in a manner that you dont really see it coming until you are already in a hole.

    It might seem like the easy method of dealing with your social issues, but what you are doing is risking trading off the work of dealing with your issues constructivly in the present with potentially dealing with the nightmare of digging yourself out of an alc/drug addiction down the road (Hell does not even begin to describe it).

    You wont neccessarily become an fuckup doing what you are doing, but please try to keep in mind the potential, its a far more real possibility then it probably seems to you at the time.

    My suggestions? If you have a friend you are close enough to who is involved in your life atm, ask them what they think, and if they think your drinking is escalating. Its amazing how obvious it can be to someone on the outside while being impossible to spot from the inside looking out. Also really consider why you are drinking and if your level of drinking is increasing. You dont have to totally stop drinking, but just keep in mind that you are playing with a very dangerous substance and just have a degree of caution with it.

    Anyway, sorry for the wall of text, but I have been a lot further down that road (really, it sucks), and hope that mabey this benefits yourself or other people reading this.
     
  12. Aradia

    Aradia New Member

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    Alcoholism is like being pregnate, at first no one can tell you got it...but the farther you go along, the more it shows.

    It's progressive. And it's not how much you drink, or how often0 it's what happens to you when you drink, and how you feel about it. think that shit over for a bit.
     
  13. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    As someone who does not consider themselves an alcoholic (I drink 4-8 nights a month, and only in social situations) I am slightly concerned that you are using alcohol as a solution to a permenant problem. That sounds like it could become an issue.

    You have to learn to control your anxiety in another way. Alcohol is not supposed to be medication
     
  14. CRXican

    CRXican God Loves Ugly

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    what's the difference between "being dependent" and being a "true alcoholic"

    My drinking habit lately is very much like the thread starter. I'm not uptight which many of you interpreted as him being "anxious" but I do drink to enjoy the buzzed feeling.
     
  15. anomaly

    anomaly If you weren't around for the original HA.net spli

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    It doesn't matter what or how much you use, it's the outcome of your drinking. It seems like you are starting to maintenance drink and drink to cope which are big steps towards addiction. MOST alcoholics start in similar circumstances.
     
  16. CRXican

    CRXican God Loves Ugly

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    so are you still drinking?
     

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